READ ME!
This was my first proper fictional blog. It is in the classic Slenderblog style, making use of multimedia elements such as images, videos, comment dialogue, references to other blogs, and some segments which relied on audience participation. In converting the blog to Website, I will have had to make some creative editorial decisions. And also, like, as this was my first blog, there will be a lot of content I don't really care for anymore. I hadn't read this blog in over a decade, and in converting it to Website, I did significantly abridge the third movement and rewrite some stuff in movement four. I also have not brought over any of the original blog's comments. I think what's here still works.
The protagonist is Jordan Dooling-- myself at age 16. A self-insert. This was done with purpose, even if I got better at executing that in later stories. Just, keep in mind that this is a heady narrative with a lot of teenage angst.
Also worth mentioning: The original blog was, in fact, my personal blog for some years prior to becoming the vehicle for a fictional horror story. The blog archive has years of posts by pre-teen Jordan talking about Sonic and Paper Mario and Kirby and stuff. I have not brought those posts over. But hey, if you want to see them, or some of the original narrative that was otherwise changed, here's the original blog, go knock yourself out.
Right. So. If you want to read it, go click on some links in the "Intranavigation" section over to the right. Start at the Overture, read the posts from top to bottom, then move onto the First Movement, and so on.
Good luck.
What the heck?
So the other day, I mentioned an old blog I used to frequent. A prog blog that analyzed and "broke down" prog pieces. Well, today I remembered it. It was called Progression Enhanced, and.. shit, I'm still following it.
It's allegedly at http://progend.blogspot.com/ but no longer. I checked out the URL to see what I've missed since I stopped frequenting it in December, and...
Whaddya know, got some leads.
I was just contacted by someone called "wiseaufan01." He said he used to frequent Progression Enhanced, as well, but he took screenshots of every entry. I asked him why, but he wouldn't say. Anyway, he's giving me the screenshots.
You'll have to click it to read it.
Prelude to the Blog Entries. Monday, November 22nd, 2010.
Sam's a prog fan, much like me. Here we have the first entry, giving a better explanation as to what the hell "progressive rock" is than I ever could. If you'll look back, I did try to explain what prog was in an earlier entry, but my god, I suck. xD
Tearing Down The Wall, same day.
Sam breaks down Pink Floyd's The Wall for us. I like this stuff. I mean, seriously. Sam's a wise dude, but some of his facts seem incorrect. Luckily, this is where I came in! xD
The comments to "Tearing Down The Wall." See that? That's me. :D Like I said, I used to frequent this blog.
Waking Up The Lamb, November 29th, 2010.
Holy crap, it's my favourite album. :D The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, by Genesis. It doesn't seem like Sam likes it as much as I do.
The comments to "Waking Up The Lamb."
Here we have me showing my inner prog fan, as well as some garbled spam!
Will continue this in a separate entry.
This internet sucks at uploading pictures.
Continued from previous post. And screw dates; you can read the dates for yourself. I'm too lazy.
New albums!
Sam now has Genesis' Selling England by the Pound and ELP's Tarkus. Includes comments.
Buying England Back by the Dollar.
Sam analyzes Selling England by the Pound. He doesn't seem to like it anywhere near as much as I do. Shame, too. It's a classic album.
Comments for "Buying England Back by the Dollar."
By this point, my brother and his girlfriend are coming within a week-ish, so I let Sam know I won't be frequenting the blog in a week. Yeah, sorry, Sam. I kinda.. forgot all about Progression Enhanced. D:
Defeating Tarkus.
Sam attempts to analyze Emerson, Lake & Palmer's Tarkus. I admit, this seemed a little odd. He only really listened to the title track, and it seems he really liked it. A lot. Now, since having frequented this blog and then stopped, I've since listened to "Tarkus." I like it. The last movement, Aquatarkus, is really catchy. But I don't like it as much as Sam apparently does.
The comments to "Defeating Tarkus."
Sam mentions that he won't spoil the ending to "Tarkus." However, I will. So the armadillo/tank is defeated by the manticore, right? Then, in the final movement, Aquatarkus, Tarkus is reborn in the sea. ..that's it. I don't see what's so cryptic about that.
From here on, I have no idea what the future entries are. I stopped frequenting the blog around then. So let's do this!
Laptop Problems.
Yeah, sorry about these delays. My laptop's gone overboard. Seems to have adapted a horrible collection of colours to the screen. I can't use it anymore.
I'll have to talk to that wiseaufan guy about getting those screenshots again. We were just getting somewhere, I'm sure.
This is quite pesky.
Yeah, I can't seem to find that wiseaufan guy now. He won't reply to my messages.
I guess I'll keep trying, but.. damn. I really wanted to know what other albums Sam listened to.
Expect Updates
I was able to plug my laptop into a separate monitor; I extracted everything I wanted off of it. Less than 3 gigs. I didn't really do much. o_o
Bottom line is, I got the screenshots. I'll be uploading them soon.
By the way, wiseaufan hasn't responded to my emails for a while. It's odd.
Venturing into the unknown screenshots
So here we go. Let's see what Sam did while I was gone.
Random banter 1.
Sam mentions a pond nearby. I remember him mentioning something like that in the comments to me.
Escaping from this Octavarium
Oh hell yes, Sam analyzes Dream Theater's Octavarium! Hell of an album, that is. ..though this analysis doesn't seem quite that.. in-depth. That's entry-level information gives, nothing much deeper. Though I didn't realize "Dream" had 5 letters and "Theater" had 8; that's awesome.
Random banter 2.
Sam talks about a dream. Something in the pond? Reminds me of the promotional ARG to Bioshock 2, "There's Something in the Sea." And there we have a comment from some "Trumpet" dude.
Random banter 3.
It would seem Sam's got some health problems. o.o And hey! It's wiseaufan! So he did frequent this blog.
More albums, random banter 4!
Sam's got some new albums-- Coheed & Cambria's second and fourth ones, and King Crimson's In the Court of the Crimson King. Solid music here. I like Sam's taste.
Will continue in next post. God, I'm distracted tonight.
Some real progress.
We're approaching the end of the screenshots. I went ahead and looked through these in advance. They're.. well. Odd? I dunno. I'll let you decide.
Last Screenshot
Random banter 6.
Sam goes to see Doctor Telmac and perfects the name of the creature in her dreams. Yeah, that's another thing. Sam's a girl. I've been calling her a guy all this time! That's incredibly embarrassing. ^^; Sorry, ma'am.
So yeah, we have a name for that there.. creature thing. Whoo. Epping AquaTarkus. ..hey, that spells EAT! :D That's cool. I like that. I like that a lot.
Oh, and there's that comment there, too. "The Camper." Sounds kinda like a troll.
So there you have it! Those are all the screenshots provided to me by wiseaufan01. If we take his word for it, then that is the last entry of Progression Enhanced. Now the blog is unavailable; it has to have been removed. I have no idea why. All we're left with are these screenshots showing some kinda odd events happening.
I'll keep looking into what might have happened to Sam, the possibility of any more entries, whatnot. In the meantime, that's it.
Almost forgot!
Among the screenshots of the entries, wiseaufan had also sent a bigger picture of Sam's drawing of the "(Epping) AquaTarkus."
Bah. Here are some hearts. ..never mind, it breaks the HTML.
I sleep too much. Y'know, I really should look into looking for Sam. Besides, she sounds like a totally fun person to talk to. :3 ..but just as a friend, of course. I already have someone. Who's totally the funnest to talk to. >w<
Y'know what's fun? Going online and seeing kind words directed at you. This is why I try to randomly be nice to people when I get the chance. :D I want people to enjoy their lives. I want people to have fun. This is also why I like to serve. ...but only girls, though. My predictable taste is a weird thing. >w>
I'm rambling now. Y'know, I think me and this blog are gonna get along juuuust fine. .w. It's waited, what, three or possibly four years now for someone to use it! D: The poor thing! Well.. I'm finally using it. And boy, am I using it a lot.
New lead?
I think I've found something. An address. Will keep you guys updated.Sam's House? Pictures
The lead I got was vague. Just a specific address, with the caption "Sam." It was in an e-mail from someone calling themselves "Skye Blue." I followed it and took some pictures.
This is the neighborhood in which I found the house. Thought I'd take a picture for reference.
The house in question. This is what I found at the address provided by Skye Blue.
I decided to take a look in the window. Yes, I was wearing white gloves. And yes, that's an iPhone. It's my brother's.
Second picture of the front of the house.
Second picture of inside the window. Things seem darker. o.o
Final picture taken out front.
I could've sworn I did more than just look out front and in the window. I think I saved more photos, but this damn iPhone saved them all over the place. Dammit, Apple.
..wait, how could this be Sam's house if she's not British?
Wait, what?
So this is gonna sound weird.. but there's a video on my computer I don't remember. I watched it, and it's pretty strange. Here, I'll upload it.
All I recognize is the music, which sounds like some Emerson, Lake & Palmer piece.
Call me stupid..
..but I think I want to go back to that house. It's weird. It's like a craving I want to satisfy. I can't stop thinking of Sam, what might have happened to her. Besides. Maybe she just wasn't in that day.
I intend on checking again.
On Gorgeous Proggasmic Musical Nirvana Segments
I noticed that how much I like an album depends heavily on how many sections of the music I truly love. Y'know. Musical nirvana. Proggasms. That little section in a song that fucking blows your mind every time?
Between the Buried and Me's Colors has so many of these, which is still surprising as hell considering I haven't had the album that long. On my first listening, I could list about four or five proggasmic sections. Now that I've heard it a hundred times, I can list at least one per track.
"Foam Born" has the intro, of course. The Backtrack is like beauty in the form of one whole song. Though it's only beauty when you listen to the entire album. "Informal Gluttony" has the opening "rebuild" section and the chorus, with the ghost-like synths during the reprisal. Fuckin' beauty. "Sun of Nothing..." every single part of those ten minutes, man. Especially the acoustic-to-electric chorus section towards the end. "Ants of the Sky" has the various instrumental sections throughout it, including the famous random hoedown and following classical chorus. "Prequel to the Sequel..." that intro, man. Just listen to that intro. Fucking gorgeous. The entire latter three minutes, starting just before the polka-esque waltz, are even more beauty. When the song hits the epic reprisal right at the end? Fuckin'-A, man. "Viridian." Just yes. Entire song. "White Walls." Oh god yes yes yes yes yes. >W< The first time I listened to this album, do you know how much I fuckin' came during the outro? That's the best way to end an album, everything after the final chorus ("WHIIIITE WAAAALL" and such). The exact thoughts that went through my mind during that epic riff, the riff before the end solo, the exact thoughts were "This is Colors. This is the definitive sound of Colors."
Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence (Dream Theater) has tons of gorgeous sections, at least one per track.
"The Glass Prison." .....fjudvn0ghv rdfuewfjd. >W< The 'chorus' that plays at the start and after the first movement. That little chorus there is one of my top three favourite melodies ever. The heavy riff to the first movement, the nice time signature fuck at the start of the second movement, and the entire third movement, those are all gorgeous. I'll never forget them for as long as I live. .w. "Blind Faith," ah yes. We have the entire intro, the entire melody throughout the song, the choruses, the entire instrumental section, that piano interlude... just yeah. "Misunderstood," the ghastly intro, choruses, "from a thief to a beggar" bridges, the amazing ending with the heavy guitar distortion.. leading into "The Great Debate." Dude, I love "The Great Debate." The entire intro is another one of my all-time favourite intros ever. The second verse plus "Are you justified" bridges, the real bridge, the choruses, the instrumental section, the solos, the fucking outro.. yeeees. "Disappear.." the chorus is unforgettable. That bridge, too. Then we get to the title track, hoo boy! "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence." 1) The entire overture, 2) the melody of About to Crash, 3) the reprisals of the main theme throughout, 4) the second chorus to War Inside My Head, 5) the entirety of The Test that Stumped Them All, 6) the entire instrumental section to Goodnight Kiss, 7) most of Solitary Shell, 8) every part of the reprisal of About to Crash, especially that killer intro and gorgeous outro, 9) the entirety of Losing Time, and 10) the epic Grand Finale.
See that? The title track has ten (off the top of my head) gorgeous proggasmic musical nirvana sections, alone. That's how much I love Dream Theater.
How 'bout The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway? Let's give it a try.
Title track. 1) That intro. friaefgjdsg09es YEEESSSSS, that intro. >W< 2) "And the laaaaaaaamb... lies dooooowwwn... on Broaaaadwaaay!" 3) All the lyrics. All the sounds. All tehrrejf esgj0dsgrgj0igs aEe.. 4) THE BRIDGE. 5) ALL THE FUCKING LYRICS, I quote them so much. .W. 6) That ending. "Fly on a Windshield." 1) The entire start. 2) The entire solo. ..so the whole song. xD "Broadway Melody of 1974." 1) THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG. 2) The entire outro. Oh god, that's memorable. "Cuckoo Cuccoon." 1) Melody! 2) Flute solos! "In the Cage." 1) Entire intro! 2) Keyboard ostintato in 12/8! 3) EVERYTHING. 4) SOLO OH GOD YES THAT SOLO. 5) BRIDGE OH GOD YES THAT BRIDGE. 6, 7, 8, 9) "Outside the cage, I see my brother John. He turns his head so slowly 'round. I cry out 'HELP' before he can be gone, and he looks at me without a sound. And I shout out 'John, please help me' but he does not even want to try to speak. I'm helpless in my violent rage. A silent tear of blood dribbles down his cheek, and I watch him turn again and leave the cage. My little runaway!" Best. Lyrics. Ever. Takes up four spots. 10) Spinning round and roundsajifdgg0h. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) The outro interlude. Most people don't even mention this damn thing, but it's my favourite part of the fucking song! It's just ei9tgjigd9igh9gqg8jgw and the j0efisnfiung but it's so ghoulish and creepy, solemn, quiet, ominous, mysterious, GENIUS! Takes up five spots. .w.
...I'm not doing this. xD This'll take all day. I think I might see if I can't check out Sam's place again.
Fish, Man?
Just got an email from someone calling themselves Gabriel Colin. Apparently, the story of Progression Enhanced reminded them of another blog, one from quite a while ago. It was up for a while but got taken down. Blog called Fish, Man!
No screenshots were provided. I'll look into this. Maybe someone else has records of it.
My video camera sucks.
So, um.. I went to the house again.
I took my video camera this time. Please excuse my clunkiness. It's seriously a shitty camera; it needs SD cards to film shit, and I don't have SD cards, so I had to freaking keep it plugged into my laptop. That's right, I lugged my laptop with me. Please don't ask how, oh god. Then again, I've done clunkier.
So here's the video.
Yeah, my laptop's battery fucked up at the end. There was nothing back there in that yard, though.
..do you guys think that was Sam? D:
Quickie update
Huh. We've got water coming in through the ceiling, mum says.
We're so ghetto. <___<
Sleep, Deep in the Derp
Tired. God, a lot happened today.
Now I'm just kicking back in bed, heart as warm as a submissive boy's heart can get...
Oh, and to throw out yet another prog ramble, Coheed & Cambria's "The Willing Well" is one of my all-time favourite songs ever. I always completely forget to mention it, but it's a downright classic. The title movement, From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness, is in all possible ways a progressive master..movementpiece. It's taken me quite a while to get used to the follow-up epic, "The End Complete," but that one's also grown on me. They're structured differently, and the former is quite a tad longer than the latter, but they're both classics in their own ways.
All in all, the collective Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV would have been one HELL of a double album. They should release it as one. With Volume One's cover art. Seriously, that shit's great. Or maybe they could throw on the promotional Willing Well art that's on the back of Volume One's case? That'd make for a gorgeous cover.
Oh, but while I'm on the subject, do you want to know my literally only major complaint about "The Willing Well?" At the end of the final movement (The Final Cut), as the keyboard solo ends absolutely brilliantly, we suddenly hear the silence broken by none other than a little child's muttering. This continues for several seconds before he shuts up and the keyboard finishes up its final notes. Claudio, the one who put the voices on there, said there was honestly no reason to put them on, so he just wanted to. I.. I just.. fuck, man. The little baby voice had absolutely nothing to do with the plot, nothing to do with the music (besides being a relation to you, sure), and it just killed the ending.
So I hereby recommend that, if the collective Good Apollo is ever released as a single double-album, the baby voice should be completely removed from "The Willing Well." Then we shall have the single most beautiful thing to come out of Coheed & Cambria. Ever.
...wow, I'm tired.
I took a walk, Part 1: Photographs
Hey, guys! I took a walk down today. I love my camera, so I took it with me. And I took some pictures!
I admit, my video camera isn't the best photo-taker in the world. But I passed by this dark alley, and oooooh, it's so spooky. >w< I keep expecting to see the slender man in there. So I snap'd that shot.
There's a lot of cool things in here-- a suspicious door leading to a suspicious dark alley, an awesome old-looking pillar.. and.. uh.. a trash can! 8D
That's a cool building. I dunno. I felt like taking a picture.
I don't even need to say what's awesome about this picture.
I took a walk, Part 2: Video
..FUCK IT WON'T UPLOAD.
I also recorded a lot, but FIRST OF ALL, the camera suddenly decided to erase most of it. Now Blogger won't upload the stuff I did record.
I took a walk, Part 2: Video FINALLY
I took a walk, Part 3: Findings
You may have noticed that the video last entry fucks up at the end. Well, yeah. Lemme tell you what happened. There was nothing different in there. Sam was still there. Though I actually looked around this time. This was on one of the chairs, so I took it and left.
I thought I saw some thin cables up the stairs. I might check up there next time.
In the meantime, I'm checking out this flash drive.
Life, the universe, and leave me alone.
I'd check through that damn flash drive, but just fuck it for now. Please. I got my daily figurative kick in the face, courtesy of life. I hate it when this happens. And yet it happens every day.
Sorry. I feel horrible. I'm emotionally unstable, have been for months now. This whole Sam deal, the investigation, it's an obsession I've needed for a while now. It takes my mind off of things. But right now, my emotions have gone well past the point of getting distracted by something. So just.. give me a bit. A night, tops. I'll check out the flash drive.
Tesco helps.
My brother told me to bring my camera with me to Tesco, as we were going to get some drinks. ..so there you go, I recorded this. Going there really helped; I feel so much better now. .w.
I think I'm going to take a crack at that flash drive now.
Well, I cracked that flash drive!
So I checked it. I love this video camera, guys; I really do.
Will upload contents of flash drive as I get to them. Judging from how Blogger responds to videos, the videos I find on here may take a bit.
Flash Drive: "staticB"
This was the first video on the flash drive. I think Sam made this. This whole flash drive was probably hers.
Flash Drive: "questionmark2"
Up the stairs? Is that Sam's room, I wonder? And that song.. I recognize that song, without a doubt. That's Genesis' "The Battle of Epping Forest."
Flash Drive: "tripdownA" plus photo
This appears to be the only photograph in the initial flash drive.. thing. Everything else is inside the folder in the video. I thought this was special, so I uploaded it. There is also a video.
Stuff.
I've found all kinds of interesting things in the flash drive, but oh my god my internet sucks today. It'll take me a while to upload stuff.
Flash Drive: Photos part 1
Flash Drive: Photos part 2
Flash Drive: "questionmark1"
So one of the first things I noticed about the original videos I posted was that they all had names that implied multiple parts. I'm looking specifically for "questionmark," "static," and "tripdown." I found the first questionmark, and here you go.
Flash Drive: "feedback"
I found a standalone video. I don't recognize the location or anything at all.
Flash Drive: Notepad titled "EATING ME"
Well. I think we're going to get some answers now.
It is eating me alive from within, tearing at my pores and forcing my insides out through whatever openings they can find.It wants to eat the topographic ocean.It wants to eat epping forest.It's already eating its way out.No one runs faster than it eats.It eats so fast.It is eating me alive from within, tearing at my pores and ngjjgjfhergidgddtrrfcirn rough whatever openings they can find.Please believe me, mom. It is eating its way out of the pond. It wants to eat the topographic ocean.If it eats the topogapaghic oeawen we'll all ciie. Itf iwl get full control of the wsolrdd's watefd and rplace it with its ikjn.y vidsoon is alreyad getting foggy. It's eating my eyes from the inside.It's eating its way out.No one runs faster than it eats.No one runs faster than it.It's eating so fast.In your ind, it can meat.Its teeth grin oddly today. They seem more jagged than normal.Echedos of the Brwadyaaw everglades with erh mythical madonnas walkingf i theirdshaesdLEnny bruse toclaersea a truce and playsh is other ahndMarshall Mcdsujdfnwn casual viewin head buried in the seandturns and runs nothing can stop italong every river and canal its power is grownigIt is invincible.Hybrid children watch the seaPray for father, roaming free.Face the thing that should not be.This started to catch the attention of the unbranched.Every nerve torn apart. My ship, the rocinante, aaaar9fdkoixSwimming, disappearing, hellish dream, flooding into the dark eternal night.ohgodpleasehlpeit's eating me from the inside It's tearing me from tel copmurer. I NEED OT TYPE< MOREI'm sure sodcv ereone wairll trewad this aORikjes pekadse kistren. Itrfdsn ae me is the eprdifng awuajsdktakruis.RF EEOTIARLQ IS tietyntr toe at all theo craneds in the wofld ajd then us rghumansd gnqscWelcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.
..or maybe not.
Flash Drive: "tripdownB"
I found the follow-up to "tripdownA." I have no idea who that other person is. o_o
Flash Drive: "eat_me_alive"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC3qM0cYhNg&feature=channel_video_title
This standalone video's filename bears resemblance to that of the earlier Notepad. The video seems to freeze or pause multiple times. That might either be a glitch, or Sam edited it to point things out.
23845753535242424249256245673
Found this in my camera.
My own mind divided into hollow hemispheres
God, I've felt like shit lately. I haven't felt like even going on my blog, let alone checking through those neverending videos and photos on that damn flash drive. Now I know how Jay must have felt, with those bags of tapes in Marble Hornets.
They're expecting me, but I've got work to do
Well, yesterday's vote was unanimous-- today, I'm going to research Fish, Man! and see if I can find anything out about it.
I need to do something to cleanse the monotony of my life.
Like Twitter But Not
Somehow, I don't think this is the Fish, Man! blog.
I also found this in my searches.
Will keep looking.
Distracted! xD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMcgL3hgMYM&feature=feedu
Sorry! Entry #38 of Marble Hornets is up. So I had to watch it. .w. I love this series, you know. That's one of the reasons I love investigating what happened to Sam-- it's like being in Marble Hornets, kinda.
I'll get back to my research.
Fish, Man screenshots!
Got in contact with a man named Roger Endelhog. He said Fish, Man! was his brother's blog. I got the screenshots from him.
FISH
Patrick Endelhog. He seems kinda odd. >.> ...Peter Rivers? o_o You commented on this blog?
Voices by the Pond
..I mean.. what? o_o Oh hey, spam. xD
Yes? No Thanks
Aw, he didn't like it. D: Oh well. Prog's an acquired taste. ..more spam, whoo!
Come Visit Me Please
Loneliness, odd noises, and odd comments.
Will continue this in a separate entry.
More of Fish, Man!
Let's see what happened next in the world of Patrick Endelhog.
Third Post Today!
Lampshading the spam. ..though he thinks it's not really spam. o_o
Bigger Fish... Out of the Sea?
More strange noises.
Fish Doesn't Look Like a Word Anymore it Just Looks Like Fish
Patrick's mental state seems to be degrading, and then we have a comment from "Dolphin," insisting that Patrick has nothing to worry about.
Show Time or Sleeping with the Fishes
Patrick actually decides to take action? Oh shit!
..then we have that comment, there. The Camper guy. From Progression Enhanced. He's saying pretty much the same thing, too.
FISH.
Whoo, action! >D Kay, what's the next screenshot?
Now what?
So we clearly have a connection between Progression Enhanced and Fish, Man!, namely
A pond nearby
The Camper comment
Progressive rock
Strings? Tentacles?
Odd obsessions
Blogs shutting down.
I'll look further into this, sure, but.. I think I might look into other stuff today, as well.
Found something! o_o
So I know you guys all voted for D yesterday, and I did D, but I also went ahead and did B as well. 'Cause the Piranha guy told me I should look for the area in "eat_me_alive." So I did.
I did not go alone. I got my brother, Nathan, to go with me in our exploration.
We filmed stuff, checked stuff out. And, uh..
We found the location of "eat_me_alive."
Uploading the video as we speak. My internet seriously sucks tonight, so give it a while.
Yeah, gimme a while.
The video we took will be uploaded to YouTube eventually. Internet's not the best tonight. >.>
In the meantime, I'm happy. .w. I ordered the Marble Hornets Season 1 2-Disc DVD collection. >W< And now I'm just kicking back to Coheed & Cambria's "The End Complete." That suite is really growing on me.
Video footage, investigation of "eat_me_alive." With backup!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMjfrGVSles
So Piranha told me to look for the location in Sam's "eat_me_alive" video. Someone, I think called Tav, told me I should not go alone. So I got my older brother, Nathan, to help. Unfortunately, we had to go at night. Long story. >.>
Will analyze findings soon.
O Noez Where's my expy of totheark?
Yeah, sorry. Slept all day. Got kinda tied up in my own little issues.
After watching back that video, YouTube really fucked up the quality at the end there. You can't tell, but we went about halfway down the alley before turning back. I'll be making a quick video showing the paper I got eventually, since I have no scanner, and there's no "Guitar" guy in my comments. xD
Let's do another vote. What should I do tomorrow?
A) Go back to Sam's house. If she's still there, call the cops.
B) Try actually seriously going down that freaking alley already. Stop wimping out.
C) Try actually seriously digging through that flash drive already. Stop getting lazy.
Or I could just sit around and hope someone emails me regarding some super-important thing. Like maybe the president of the United States of America will be asking me if I know anything about the slender man, 'cause he's terrorizing various states and it's affecting bloggers. And only bloggers. And a couple YouTubers.
..seriously, slendy's not real. >_>
That was freaking weird.
So you know that thing where you get up and get lightheaded and from time to time you'll go blind for a second or two? I think it's called a "dizzy spell."
Well, I got up to go to the toilet, and the blindness kicked in when I was out in the hallway. I kinda lost my sense of direction and bumped into a door. Assuming it was the toilet, I grabbed the handle and was turning it when my vision came to.
There was no door there. Just a wall. So what the hell was I turning?
I've got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, so I'll be sure to bring that up.
Analyzing that paper
Eh, it's morning. It's light enough. So I analyzed that there paper I got. ..I didn't even analyze it, really. I just.. showed you guys it again. Since I don't have a scanner, y'know.
A Visit to the Doktor
Effing beautiful.
So all this time, I've been having to listen to my prog on either the laptop speakers (which seriously utterly suck) or these little external speakers (which are absurdly quiet and utterly suck). But today? I got headphones.
I'm busting them out on Dream Theater's "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence." I mean, hey. If these headphones can't make a 42-minute epic sound good, then they can't make anything sound good. ..but they do oh my god. They do make it sound good. .W. I've missed this level of sound quality. For so long.
Now I can truly appreciate prog again. Now I can be.. a motherhuggin' prog fan again.
Goddamn, I'm relaxed.
I'm thinking of looking into that flash drive again. I'm just so happy, so calm. .w.
The Topography of Thought
Got an email.
Posts from a fellow lyric-lover, part 1
Uploaded in the order of which they were given to me. Apparently, The Topography of Thought attempts to "travel the Topographic Ocean." o_o
Untitled.
Uh.. I see some "Colony of Birchmen" (Mastodon) in there, plus random lines and the commenter from earlier. As well as some 'United States' guy.
Posts from a fellow lyric-lover, part 2
Okay. Slept. Let's do this.
...yeah, I'm starting to sense a pattern here.
Do you still wait for your God?
And the symbol of your faith?
Regarding the so-called "Epping AquaTarkus"
The Battle of Epping Forest
Selling England by the Pound, 1973
Genesis
"The Battle of Epping Forest" is an eleven-minute piece detailing a gangwar between Little John's thugs and Willy Wright and his boys as they battle for gangland boundaries. The story parodies a newspaper story of the times. It starts off with a rather memorable march-styled intro before breaking into what I can only refer to as "the easily-identifiable Genesis sound." This piece details the backstories of the gangs, the battle in question, and the actions of the higher-ups as they watch on. It's a very complex track, very difficult to accurately perform live, and the various voices and accents of the colourful cast make singing it solo just as challenging. ..even though it's supposed to be solo. Peter Gabriel rocks. >w>
Conclusion: It is a weird song; I can understand how Sam might feel strongly against it.
Tarkus
Tarkus, 1971
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
"Tarkus" is a twenty-minute epic/suite telling the allegorical tale of eponymous mecha Tarkus, an armadillo-tank hybrid that kills all in its path. The suite climaxes as Tarkus duels a manticore, only to be bested. However, we get a cliffhanger ending as Tarkus is reborn in the sea... as Aquatarkus! Most of the story is an allegory of war, religion, and.. more war. Musically, we get pretty much twenty straight minutes of ELP at their finest. Some might call this piece "wankery," "a fine example of the excesses of prog rock," and "self-indulgence in musical form." Oh yeah? Well I say fuck you. It's an outstanding piece of work. .w. The final movement, Aquatarkus (starts at 6:18 on the second video), has one of the single catchiest melodies I've ever heard.
Conclusion: No, I don't get how Sam could feel powerful feelings from this epic. Though I guess the concept of a giant armadillo-tank, especially one that can swim, that stops all in its path.. that's a pretty foreboding concept.
..wait.
"The Thing That Should Not Be." This has been bugging me for a long time.
The Thing That Should Not Be
Master of Puppets, 1986
Metallica
This song's lyrics popped up in Sam's "EATING ME" notepad. This is a great song from a classic album, and it deals with the tale of Cthulhu. Lovecraft and whatnot.
The odd part is why? It doesn't fit in with the rest of the lyrics in the notepad. It's not prog. There may be some progressive influences in various Master of Puppets tracks, but Metallica didn't dabble with prog until ...And Justice for All. So why were its lyrics featured in that notepad?
The mysteries just pile on and on.
Pond.
I brought Nathan to the house.
I realized that I haven't been to the house in a while. And I never really.. went into any other room besides the front room. So I brought Nathan along again.
Looking back at the footage, I'm startled that we didn't really pay much attention to Sam. And I was really distracted. o_o I couldn't stop thinking, just thinking and thinking. I couldn't word my sentences, and I kept trailing off.
Hell, I'm not even mentioning what was up with Sam. That's for a different entry, different time. I'll tackle one mystery at a time. u_u;
Proper questions.
After reviewing the footage extensively, I've come up with a number of questions to be made from it.
- How.. but Sam.. she got up! And how? I mean.. we didn't even notice! I was really freaking distracted. >.< This, alone, warrants further investigation.
- Sam looks different. HOW.
- Why the hell was I so distracted?! I wasn't even thinking of anything in particular; I just couldn't stop thinking!
- The front room looked different. For example: there was a fucking Xbox right there. HOW THE HELL... ej9fdesfdjEJIFJNIEF.
- What made that loud bang?
- Something about the records creeps me out. I'm sure there's more to them.
- For that matter, Sam clearly got up and walked out of the room while we were gone. So how the hell did she get back so fast?!
There's something odd going on with that house. It was odd enough that Sam's an American, who lived in the States, so there's absolutely no reason she should be here in a British home that's awfully close by to mine! Now we're finding out this house has more to it than we thought?!
It's just plain.. je9afffji.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Entry #39 of Marble Hornets has been released.
This is awesome, see. I'm a diehard fan of that series. 8D AND THAT WAS AN AWESOME ENTRY OH MY GOD.
Could it have been better? Of course. Have there been better entries? Quite frankly. Was it still fucking awesome to actually see shit happen? Oh motherfucking god yes.
These guys know a thing or two about horror, yessir, mhm, a-yup.
Message from Skye Blue.
I just got this email from Skye Blue. The person is telling me to go back to the house (address removed). Then there's that weird stuff about faucets and rabbits.
I'm taking Skye up on this offer. But I'm bringing Nathan again. Better safe than sorry.
This is getting serious.
We went back to the house, expecting to meet "Skye Blue." We didn't expect that. I mean, I had my suspicions that something was fishy about this meeting, but neither I nor Nathan was expecting anything that we got on tape.
Once again, I'll talk about the findings in a later post. For now, I'm just.. fucking.. afgwgnadfvdmvgmefijfecvnb. That.. oh my god.
Piranha in the comments, you can go ahead and tell me you told me so, but then again, in light of what happened to Nathan, I think you'd best not. Not yet.
..Nathan's in the hospital as of this upload. His eye is being operated on.
I don't think we're going back to that fucking house. I'm calling the police.
God, can't you guys leave me alone?
Look, I fucking know it was a trap. I know that now. There was nothing about the email that straight-out implied a trap, and you know it. I just had a bad feeling about it because it was sending me back to the house. I brought Nathan as backup. I mean.. I get the feeling, if I didn't bring Nathan, I'd be the one with one eye. ..or.. no. I was there to get Sam off him. I'd be dead if I went alone.
You guys are all acting like this is some bullshit horror movie, filled with foreshadowing and.. and symbolism and genre-savvy protagonists. THIS. ISN'T. This is real fucking life. Horror movie logic of "Don't go in there, IT'S A TARP" doesn't work in the real world. The only reason this scenario was a trap was due to entirely coincidental context, information I would never have found out if I hadn't gone.
So I wish you guys would stop acting like goddamn insensitive trolls and try helping for a change. Why is it that you guys go on your little ARGs like BEN Drowned and There's Something in the Sea while offering all this support to fucking fictional characters, yet then you see some real fucking suffering going on and you figure you should troll us? At the very least, don't say anything at all. I know, I could just not post your comments. Well, I'm not insensitive. I keep the comment moderation up entirely to block flat-out insulting comments, or accidental spam that gets through the filter. I'll still post your ever-so-clever satire and what-have-you.
By the way? I'm at the hospital. On my laptop. Nathan's alright, thanks for asking, though his eye is damaged beyond repair. He's resting up now, then we're gonna talk about calling the cops. Whoever the hell is doing all this is going to get in serious trouble. You just don't do that to people, seriously. You just don't.
Oh, and one last thing. I'd love to see all you guys get emails from people asking you to meet up. I assure you, it's not that easy to discern trap from honest request when it's in your inbox. I'd love to see you reply to them with your logic, telling them how you're not going; it's a trap. It's not easy. What if it's not a trap, huh? What if they seriously need your help? What if they want to meet up and help you? Either way, you'll miss out on a good experience and come across as a selfish prude.
..and what if Skye Blue was serious? What if he or she was waiting for me, but Sam-- or whoever the hell that was-- got to Skye first? Shit. I've definitely got to get in contact with the authorities about this.
Baaaaaah.
Nathan and I spoke a lot about what's going on. I apologized for bringing him into this at all, but he told me not to worry about it. "I volunteered. I didn't have to go. Plus, now I get to wear this cool eyepatch."
Camera: "2"
On the camera are a series of videos, labelled "2" to "6."
"2" is this video. This was the first video I put on the blog. o_o It's the backyard of the house, turning progressively more red, while the start of ELP's Aquatarkus, last movement of "Tarkus," plays. Then at the end, there's a frame that looks like the gate leading to the backyard of the house.
The other videos are a little more interesting.
Camera: "3"
"3" seems to be the same as "2," but.. not. It's got the same picture progressing into red, the same end picture, but this time, you hear the entire first half of ELP's Aquatarkus movement. As well as some odd background noise.
Will upload more when I get the chance.
....
This is just.. no. This guy's got to be a joker or something, I mean.. really.
Movie Magic (spoilers abound!)
I watched the first film in months today. It was Ratatouille. I don't know how many times I'll watch that film, or any Pixar film, for that matter, but that climax will always bring tears to my eyes. I really like films; I like to consider myself an aspiring film buff, so as you can imagine, films can really tug at my emotions. Today, in lieu of some earth-shattering video taken from that stupid video camera, I'd like to offer a list of moments of cinema that have, in the words of Anton Ego... "rocked me to my core."
Camera: "4"
Okay, I'm trying to upload the last three. Let's hope my internet will let me.
"4" seems to be something Sam (or whoever the hell that fucking joker was) did while Nathan and I were unconscious.
Camera: "5"
"5" is just plain creepy. o_e
Are you guys hearing what I'm hearing? In the second half of this video? 'Cause.. 'cause if you are, oh my god, I hate this.
And I apologize for the delays between posts. My internet takes forever. -.-
Camera: "6"
This was the final video on the camera.
..yeah, no, I don't get it, either. At least, I don't think...
Owner of a Lonely Heart
..yeah, I'm single again.
A bachelor on the prowl.
A one-man wolf pack.
A.. kid. Without the A.
A lone lamb.. lying down on Broadway.
A brick.. out of a metropolis.
OhgodI'msoemptyinside.
Sorry for the lack of posts.
I have a lot to think about. I'm starting to really dislike life. Goddammit, I really miss..... not being single. .__.
There's that investigation I should be doing, since it would probably distract me from my thoughts. But I can't bring myself to. I mean.. ah. At the very least, I'll list what I can do.
-That ol' flash drive I got a while ago. There's still tons of videos left on it (Though most of them really are more of the same).
-Try to contact wiseaufan01 (remember him?) again. Who knows?
-OH YES, the doctor gave me that paper that says "J. LaBrie" on it, didn't he? He told me to ask around Tesco for him. I need to do that.
Or I can just continue to sit around in bed, lonely and sad. >.>
Email: "7"
I received an email from "Skye Blue." No words. Just a file. This seems to be a follow-up video to the past five.
However, fucking Blogger won't let me upload it, nor will YouTube, so I had to go to Tinypic. >.>
[the video no longer exists.]
Analysis of "7"
Alright, I've spent a good hour or two listening to "7," getting all the lyrics down. Some parts I recognize-- the second excerpt is from Genesis' "Get 'Em out by Friday," the next from Coheed & Cambria's "The Willing Well," and the next from Mastodon's "Colony of Birchmen." But that next part, and the bookends... they're familiar, at best. It was hard to get the second-to-last one, but I've tried my best.
"They're breaking through...
They're breaking through...
They're breaking through...
Now we're falling.
We are losing control.
This is an announcement from genetic control:
IT IS MY SAD DUTY TO INFORM YOU OF A FOUR-FOOT RESTRICTION ON HUMANOID HEIGHT.
I hear the directors of genetic control
Have been buying all the properties that have recently been sold,
Taking risks oh-so-bold.
It's said, now that people will be shorter in height,
We can fit twice as many in the same building site.
They say it's alright.
Beginning with the tenants of the town of Harlow,
In the interest of humanity, they've been told they must go!
Told they must go..
No one runs faster than you can,
No one runs faster than you,
No one runs faster than you eat,
Into the end with you, into the end with you.
Run, run,
With, with,
Death.
Run, run,
With, with,
Death.
White faces coming closer with every step.
Earth envelopes, taking breath without happenstance.
Carve my teeth out, ripping through the sheep's head curse.
This is the regret that you make.
We're still connected.
This is the regret that you make.
I want my family back.
And there's something you take.
I'm sorry for you, but it's too late.
Mistakes like this, you don't make.
Don't you see anything?
You make some, and they'll get to you...
You don't love anybody.
I gave you money, I gave you a car, I took you in.
It's not okay, son.
But don't that mean something?
A little. No. You can do better.
That's the point!
The goddamn regret.
You deserve to die alone for what you've done.
The goddamn regret!
Don't deny it.
And I'll die.
Now I'll die!
The biggest regret of my life: I let my love go.
I'm your blood. I'm your family.
What did I do?
You're not my family, not anymore.
The fucking regret.
I'm your own flesh and blood!
What did I do?
You know.
What did I do?
They're breaking through...
They're breaking through...
They're breaking through...
Now we're falling.
We are losing control."
The second-to-last excerpt.. those lyrics bother me. Why was this sent to me, anyway? What does this have to do with anything?
I'm super happy, so here's what I'm listening to right now. :3
Fire.
To begin whipping dance of the dead.
Blackened is the end.
To begin whipping dance of the dead.
Colour our world blackened.
Blackened.
Opposition.
Contradiction.
Premonition.
Compromise.
Agitation.
Violation.
Mutilation.
Planet dies.
ZOMG SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Watching the commentary right now, on Entry #16. I fucking love this.
Quickie update, second time.
Now that I am done watching the Marble Hornets Complete First Season 2-Disc DVD collection, I can give a quick update on stuff.
So I've tried getting responses from "Skye Blue," wiseaufan01, and even Patrick Endelhog's brother (the guy who contacted me in the first place). Nothing.
I tried getting in contact with the police. Nothing.
I haven't spoken to Nathan in a while. He should be getting out of the hospital soon.
Finally, in a bit of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking... I'm starting to listen to Dream Theater's Train of Thought a lot more. "7" gave me some vibes. I have the feeling the semi-final excerpt was from one of these songs.
Email: "8"
"Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends... you've gotta see the show, it's a dynamo, you've gotta see the show, it's rock n' roll."
That's what I hear. What the hell.
Sam..?
Email from "Skye Blue;" she's definitely Sam now. From the way she worded the message, it sounds like she's only just resumed consciousness, like.. like it wasn't.. really her that was at that house. The address she gave was, again, the house.
Will upload the video she provided.
Email: "SUNP0005," Sam's Message
Video from the email.
I went.
I.. but.. that..
My thoughts on what happened.
Looking back, it's hard to tell what's happening at the end of that video.
So basically, Sam led me inside. She said she had something to show me. She led me-- seriously-- she led me to a door that wasn't there before. Go ahead, look back on the footage. That door is not there. Then I heard Nathan come in, saying how I shouldn't have gone alone or whatever it is he said.
That's one thing I'd like to say, I didn't take Nathan with me. It looks like he followed me, like he's been following this blog. And he seemed like he knew what was behind that door all along...
That's another thing. Sam opened the door, and I couldn't see inside; it was a flash of light. But I could see vague shapes, giant structures. It.. I dunno. Then Nathan ran in and saved me.. and Sam took him down with her. Next thing I know, the door's gone.
So yeah. Nathan and Sam are gone. Nathan's gone. I can't believe it. It just.. it can't be right. Nathan was the closest thing to a friend I had over here. He looked out for me. He gave his life for me.
You've got to be kidding me.
Yeah.
Goddammit, my head.
Guys, I don't know if I can take this anymore. I don't know what I have to lose besides my life, and I don't know how much longer I can go without that being taken. Things pile up far too much, far too often. Now the laptop I use is unable to start up. I can only use this current substitute for a short time.
I'll try to make this quick.
Life cannot let me be happy. Life cannot even let me stay sane. Life used to force me to stay sane, now it considers sanity to be another luxury Jordan just cannot have.
I feel like I'm going to throw up and pass out. I need to keep going.
I really don't want to jeapordise this blog, so I need to keep details scarce.
I haven't eaten. I haven't held a stable conversation. I haven't gotten any writing done. I haven't had any luck with other escapisms.
I haven't escaped today, basically.
And shit hit the fans.
Then shit hit the fans again.
Then shit hit the fans once more.
Now I'm weak. I can't focus my eyes too well. My head is throbbing with lightheadedness and illness.
ow ow ow that was a painful throb. I have some candy. I hope this will subdue some feelings.
To get back to the point, thanks to various circumstances regarding my life in general, I am an escapist. I need escapism if I don't want to drive myself to suicide. And today of all days, I wasn't able to get any. In fact, the most useful tool of escapism was severed. And shit got fjsd9fse9j. I just. God.
I hurt my head, too.
I don't have much reasonsdf9fsdkjoOWOWOW my head. I don't have much to live for.
EDIT: feeling better.
Problem.
My laptop won't work now. I'm on my dad's.
When I try to turn on the laptop, I get this:
"ERROR 1972:
suppers ready
time to eat"
Somebody's fucking with me.
Recon.
I'm gonna check out the house again today. If that door's still there, I'm looking for Nathan. If it's not, I'm looking all over the house. For anything.
But then again, why the hell wouldn't the door be there? It's a door!
Recon results!
Sorry about the delay; with my laptop broken, I have to wait until at least 1 AM to get to use my dad's. I took a camera but I can't do shit with the photos I took, since once again, this is my dad's laptop. He wouldn't let me upload anything to it.
The house was empty. No one was around.
The door in the kitchen, the one Sam and Nathan entered? It wasn't there. Don't fucking ask me how that's possible. You'd be asking the wrong guy.
Sam has quite an impressive music collection in that house. I, uh.. I decided to take a couple albums, plus her Nursery Cryme LP. ^^;
The whole house is actually pretty comfy. Cozy. .w. It'd be a nice hangout, I can tell you that.
Now, one thing I should mention is that, at the bottom of Sam's box of CDs, I found something. It's a sheet of paper. Yes, there's writing on it. Uh, hang on, let me get the paper and write exactly what's on it.
itvovpro://vgtrcakpphqihceoqcpeuaenkwqiwlulpbgeueua.dtneqnisuoroqnvc.eoqdoe/
It begins.
Yeah, I don't quite get it, either. Anyone wanna give it a shot?
Mystical Magery Tour
I went to the house again today. ...what? I really don't have anything else to do these days, guys. And no one was there.
I'm, uh.. kinda still there. ^^; I found a laptop there. Sam's laptop. She still had internet. This is a freaking goldmine. I'm gonna see what I can find.
I hope my parents don't notice I'm gone.
Hack?
I got on today to find my blog had been removed. Holy shit. xD
I think you guys know what my first thoughts were. >_> "HOLY SHIT JUST LIKE PROGRESSION ENHANCED AND TOPOGRAPHY OF THOUGHT AND FISH MAN AND THAT ONE OTHER SITE I FOUND ONE DAY THAT PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING." But no, this was just Google being stupid.
..actually, when I finally got my account back up, I noticed some emails sent out from my account from the past few days. I think I actually was hacked.
Another matter, I had exactly one comment awaiting moderation for this blog. You guys can imagine what I completely expected it to say. Turns out it was just Piranha/Noble. I almost missed that guy. .w.
Well, it's official.
I haven't been to school in a year.
It's.. scary, almost. A very brooding fact. I miss school. I really, really do. I just missed a whole fucking year of it. I'm scared to go back in two years or whenever the fuck dad's gonna let us. God. I feel.. I just know that, when we go back, I'm not gonna get to graduate along with my peers. All my former friends. Everyone I used to know.
My life. This is my life now. These investigations, this prog, this blog, it's all my life now.
Oh god, forgive me.
don't hurt me
And in the end, we lie awake, and we dream of making our escape
I don't want to talk about it.
I'm just going to play Duke Nukem Forever. And I'm going to escape from it all.
Hurt.
I don't want to talk about it. Everything's fake.
My parents are fake.
Life is fake. I don't want to go through it much longer. Life is fake.
The Camper is fake. It's just a fucking prank or some promotional game or some stupid.. stupid.. no, I mean or it just fucking doesn't exist at all.
The police never got back to me about looking at the house. No doubt because I probably didn't actually call them; it was probably all in my head.
There's no real point, is there? To living. To blogging. So I don't blog much anymore. But who cares, anyway? I don't. I honestly don't. I blog out of a compulsion, feeling I need to post something. I don't care about the investigation, I don't care about my parents and what the fuck has happened. I don't give a damn about myself, either. I don't care. I say I care about everything, I say I can't not care, but that's a fucking lie. I can't care. I can't. I can obsess over things like prog, like female supremacy, like this investigation, but in the end, I don't really care about them. I just obsess over them, and I know I'll find different obsessions if they went away. It's how I work.
Duke Nukem Forever is one of the closest things to "fun" I've had in a very long time. Then I go online and I see that I seem to be alone in liking the finished product. Of course. People are such cynics. I hate cynicism. You want fucking cynicism, assholes? Do you want fucking cynicism?
There is a God, but he exists only to make our lives miserable. So when we die, we're not going to Hell. We're just rotting in the ground. We're sinking into fucking nothingness. But the truth is, I'd rather have nothingness than endure another day of this hell. But I'll stick around, just because I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself. I'll suffer in silence because I can't get any louder. Because I don't care.
I put on the front of "caring" to please people. I put it on while hoping it'll inspire people to care about me. Maybe someone can spark emotions in me. But no, so far, no one has. People have gotten close. I've lied about many things over the years, but "I'm happy" is the most frequent one I tell. I'm not happy. I'm never happy. If I say I'm happy, I'm just distracted. If I'm not distracted, I'm left with my thoughts. My daylight nightmares. Then I get "sad." If I say I'm sad, I.. well, I am a little. But I've learned to detach myself from my emotions. So I just feel empty.
Empty is all I know how to feel, at least consciously. The only way I can feel anything positive is to simply distract myself, to subconsciously detach myself from my emotions.
I don't love. I fear. If someone is close enough to me (figuratively), I fear the day that they begin to hate me. It always happens. It always does. I fear the stone-cold silence to come, the days when all possible love that used to be there is nothing but a fading memory in my mind. Those days, I desperately try to please them; I want to cling to the days when I feared the future instead of the present.
I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything but a Pot Noodle today. It's almost 10 PM. Yesterday I did the same, just a Pot Noodle. I hear Pot Noodles aren't very nutritious. Well, they used to make me feel full. They've stopped.
..I fear the day this investigation becomes active again. I fear the possibility that that EAT thing is real. A real Eldritch Abomination, and it knows my name. That'd just be a perfect end to my life. Because my life hasn't had enough hopeless desperation already. I fear the day I have to tell my parents what really happened to Nathan.
I fear the day I drown in progressive rock.
I feel something in my throat. It's tears; I recognize that. I want to cry, but I don't feel sad at all.
I just don't.
I'm just going to play Duke Nukem Forever. And I'm going to escape from it all.
The emotions pour out onto the page.
I cried twice today.
I didn't feel anything whilst crying. Instead, I felt hints of sadness. I wanted to take this sadness and force it out. I wanted to force emotions. But the sadness just appeared for a split-second, and then it disappeared. It got bottled up. I recognized it as sadness so I could put on the front of "sad" for people, at least so I wouldn't walk right into more bottling-up of emotions.
But even though I can't feel anything doesn't mean I don't have feelings. They're just numbed to the point of invisibility. The emotions I do feel, I don't share. Because sharing my feelings only annoys people, which causes me to feel hints of further sadness.
I think, at this rate, if I were to actually feel every emotion every time instead of bottling them up and numbing them the way I do, I'd kill myself.
But in numbing them, I can let the emotions out progressively. In writing.
And listening to prog helps.
I don't care what anyone says; I like prog. I love prog. No other genre makes me feel so alive. No other genre makes me sweat just by listening to it. Not dancing, not headbanging. Just sitting on my bed, listening to it. The changes, the power in the technicality, the sheer complexity of it all, the fictional emotions the stories can convey.. I find it all so much more real than actual emotions, than real life.
I'm the kind of person who empathizes more with fictional characters than with real life. Real life just doesn't connect with me.
..wow, I feel better.
In happier news,
Jordan Rudess (the current keyboardist for Dream Theater) got an epic supergroup together and recorded a cover version of Emerson, Lake & Palmer's epic "Tarkus."
I'm listening to it, and this is one of the most powerful covers I've ever heard of anything ever. Rudess' style is usually much too fast for covers, but it's just fast enough for ELP. His insane "wankery" works with the epic, turning a usually quiet and aged masterpiece into an energetic and flowing tribute to a highly underrated band.
Jordan Rudess, you da man. I think you have more potential than even Tony Banks. Good luck in the future, and I am so an undying fan.. and.. bah, not like you'd ever read this humble blog.
step by step we try controlling our fate when we finally start living it's become too late
Why am I getting all these followers now? My life's slowed almost to a screeching halt. Where were you guys back when I needed help deciding what to do?
I cried more tonight. I mean.. there's good news; I have some sort of good news. But my emotions are in an absolute tizzy.
First, the good news.
We're probably moving to California in six weeks. Away from here. Away from everything that's ever been here. Away from my fucking life. Really, the problems I list on this blog are only about half of my real problems. I'm not entirely an emotionally stable guy, and I at least had the investigations to keep me stable, but...
God, I miss Nathan, I seriously do, I have no one anymore. Nathan was someone I could hang out with, someone I could talk to, and he's gone, and I killed him, I got him killed, this never would have happened if it wasn't for my obsessive.. god.eee
I'm so sorry, Nathan. I am so sorry, I honestly can't fucking begin to tell you how sorry I am. I feel horrible about what I put you through, but I didn't mean to, I didn't want you to go, I..... bah.
I'm so alone and it's all my fucking fault.
That's why I've been feeling horrible. It's out. It's fucking out.
I want to get the hell away from this place, from this crazy country, from this crazy family, from this crazy investigation, from EVERYTHING. I want peace of mind.
But I'll never get peace of mind.
I wish I was dead.
I need more prog.
I'll sleep now.
I don't have to go home, but I can't stay here (Existential Crisis)
My room has two doors in it. It's not supposed to.
I opened the door that was supposed to be here. In my hallway, there was a spider. I quickly closed the door again.
Then the internet went out.
I couldn't go fix it; there was a spider in the hall! D:
Anyway, I went to bed, and now the second door is gone.
The Day That Never Comes
I've been seeing an extra door in every room.
Doors everywhere.
...what'll happen if I open one?
Nightmare Cinema
Do you guys know aht i doo every second of every day?
I wait.
And iawat.
And ai90s.
ANd wait.
ADD AIWRT dsosme mroe.
I do nothing but wait. Even when I'm hungry. I only eat when we have food.
I aovid my parents. I used to love them and talk to them every day. Not anymore. They taught me to avoid them.
I onl go downstairs to look for food, and when is rhete ever food?
Goddamn someone just asked me for weight loss tips.
In June of 2009, I weighed 190 pounds. By August, I weighed 160. By December, 150. By August of 2010, 140. Now, I'm around 110, 120.
You want to know how I lost the weight and how I kept it off? WEld, fucker , I highyly reomenc the CHODL ABUSE DIET, asshole. I SFKAfsdmi, the NECLTECT DIT<. TRY IT ON FOR SIZE. ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
That was csarcmas, ODN@T tyer it notfbody ddseerfcew is
I hvae nowjhre to go nad the only people who never rarley abused me-- Natjhan-- jhed's gnwe and now the doors are everywhere I go, Nathan's in every dream.
But I'm scared, Nathan. I don't know if I can open the door.
I don't know what I'll find.
I don't know if you'll be there.
Something's banging against the door.
I Let Him In.
I'm not doing anything. See? Just typing. In my blog.
It's just my blog. I promise. It's not about you, dad. It's actually about this girl who lives down the street, named Sam. She's not supposed to be here, but she is.
..just like me.
Oh, I didn't mean anything by that! I'm sure I'll grow to love it here, you're right.
Oh no, the school said they were full.
..they did. I swear, they did, you can ask mum.
No, dad, you'll just hear exactly what mum and I heard. The school is full.
I don't know what I'm gonna do without a school.
I'm not
Hang on
Just hang on
Can you pl
Pleas
Please j
Dad
No
Just hang
Yes
Yeah
Yes!
No, I'm n
That's
OKAY.
Okay. I get it, dad.
..nothing!
I guess I'm just stressed because of the school not letting me in, y'know? It's
Yes
Yes
Hang on
No, that's not
I'm not
Why do you always
I'm not just trying to contradict you, goddammit.
No, you listen!
And I am your son!
No, it does
Being the f
No
I'm not gonna take you seriously if you resort t
No, I have every right t
You just called me a l
But han
No, see, you're being unreasonable
I'm
Can I just finish
No, I let you finish plenty of times!
Yes!
I did, that's right!
Please stop trying to invalidate m
Hey, that's not nice!
No, but
I do
Will yo
GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU
NO
JUST
REALLY
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Existential Crisis (let there be silence)
So anyway, I'm out walking now, through the door that shouldn't be. Maybe I shouldn't have opened it, but there was no life for me back there.
First I walked for fifteen minutes, out of rows of houses, around the bend with the wooden fence, and into starlit roads with no cars driving by. I didn't take much notice of my surroundings, my head was just.. buzzing. I watched my feet. After fifteen minutes, I took a break to take stock of what I was doing, where I was going.
I don't know this place. Even if I was still in England, I wouldn't know my place. It's all alien to me, English on the signage but following social codes I never learned. And I'm not in England anymore.
By the time I looked around, I had no idea where I even came from.
All there was to do, whether I wanted to die or live all the same, was pick a direction and walk, here, on the outside of every building, passing it all by in search of another open door.
That's no way for a boy to live.
I just want.. my brother back.
So I walk. For hours this time. And no matter how far I go, there's houses and shops arranged without realistic order on either side of me. "Realistic," I guess that's rich. I couldn't tell you who lives in them. I couldn't tell you why the buildings have pipes and gutters. If this was "realistic" or not, it's all the same to my ignorant eyes. And it's not real, none of it is. And I'm not real, I'm...
An hour in, I think I hear something new: voices, laughter, people making conversation with some semblance of volume control (the city is trying to sleep around us). Flickering shadows affect the light up ahead, around that corner.
I turn that corner, and there's no one there. I no longer hear voices. Perhaps I just missed them. Perhaps it was only a matter of timing.
The lights of the buildings around me turn off, and I stand in a darkened street. There's some clicking sound in the walls, which I can only vaguely assume is pipes, though I couldn't tell you why pipes make noises in the first place. Whatever common sense I have serves to calm me down and keep me going, not to clarify nor inform.
So I walk.
I think I've been passing grass. I think it's not just all been concrete, brick, asphalt, plastic. I see green in the peripheral of my vision as I walk, but I never think to actually look. Maybe I do. Sometimes I do. I must, just to get some stimulus and distract my bleak thoughts. But I couldn't tell you what I saw. If there was anything, it was like a placeholder, texture in a dream.
After hours, after many hours, I think I find an open door. Inside, immediately inside, is a small bedroom. A bed, with white linen, white duvet, white pillows, literally attached to, literally part of, the wall, is here to give me rest. A laptop, or some black rectangle which opens up to a screen approximating a laptop, gets my thoughts racing again. Not particularly informative thoughts, I'm not actively thinking of anything about where I am or what I've been through. Just. The soft blue artificial buzz of the screen... returns an internal "Jordan" sense to my brain. I am real again. I am tired. I can update my blog.
Rael, out.
Overture 5
I walked up to this house. I walked up the stairs, each step feeling surreal and slow.
I knocked on the door, and all life ceased.
Eight blossoms befell my feet, five sunrises pass in the blink of an eye.
I opened the door, and the house was both well-lit and pitch black at the same time. All life ceased and all life continued, it was past and present, it was August 11 2009 and January 16 2010 and August 7 2010 and August 5 2011 and September 26 2011 all at the same time.
Now I'm back again, and babe it's gonna work out fine.
As long as I keep running, babe it's gonna work out fine.
No one runs faster than I eat.
Webcam: "Update in Place"
This laptop has a webcam, but the program for it was buried pretty deep. Found it, now using it.
But where is the Garden of Eden?
It's dark, the light is on and it's still dark.
There's a surprising lack of doors in this house. I've looked around, and anywhere I saw a door, I'd blink and it'd just.. be gone. I'm beginning to think I might be legitimately insane.
Whenever I stand in the hallway seen in my video, I can hear much movement all around. If I look down the hall, I can always see figures moving behind a door. Maybe shadows.
Time doesn't move that fast here, and yet it seems to pass quicker than lightning. I feel ageless as the walls rot around me.
I went up the stairs and found myself exhausted before reaching the top. I heard more noises, felt more darkness, and then I retreated down here.
Now I can hear nothing but footsteps and vague scuttering.
The laptop's time reads August 5th, 5:08 AM.
I'm losing track of time, and I feel a new sense of elation.
message
you want me to go away. I completely agree with you. I'd be better off dead.
You fucking assholes.
Welcome to cockroach country, this is my home now. And all you can think of is telling me to go away.
Maybe we'd all be better off dead.
Maybe I'd be better off, dad.
Webcam: "Been hearing voices"
Darkness surrounds me
The calendar says it's the 28th. 24 hours ago, it said it was the 27th. This might mean time is progressing normally for me again.
It's still dark outside. It's always dark outside. It's never gonna stop being dark outside.
There were people in the video. I didn't see them when recording. I heard the noises, but that's it.
I'm gonna get some sleep, and then I'm gonna look around the neighborhood.
I hope I can run fast enough.
nightmare panic
I had a vivid dream of being unwanted, of being stuck with my dad. And never being able to get out.
Stagnation
Time passes strangely.Music can be heard around me.
I hear progressions more complex than anything I'd ever even considered before.
I don't know how much longer this will last, but I want it never to end.
Bed Hair
There's an ending in sight, but it's coming both too slowly and too quickly at the same time.
I'm sorry for not blogging. This was my own fault this time.
I've been afraid. I've been sleeping. I'm told I scream in my sleep.
I'm told I say "No, please stop."
The Slow Progression of
The laptop hasn't been working all day. I got it fixed. The day took its time. Looks like something else did too.
uneasy
uncomfortable
under my issues
Unsure
The internet finally works again. It's been a good few days (well, it's felt like that) since my last post, and now I can post again.
ALERT
WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW.
It's dark in here.
And cold.
There's a door that won't open, a lightswitch that doesn't work, and a window that doesn't show much.
the beast that was not my dad
I heard footsteps
and then the beast came out of the locked door.
He looked like my father but he was a foreign entity entirely.
The facade disappeared and all that was left
was the inkling of a fear.
The hour of torture passed and all that was left
was the begging of a tear.
feels blood
It rained deep inside this room
and all light began to cease.
The darkness panged every scruple of my youth
and my heart began to crease.
I find I cannot die much more inside
without risking losing the outside.
Why can I not say my problems here
without risking losing sanity within?
Out of a window and into a room
The door opened and I could hear his voice coming closer with every stomp.
Then the window behind me opened and I jumped out and prayed I would not die.
I landed on a carpet in another dark room.
I'm not sure where I am right now. Again. It's just dark room after dark room, no exit in sight.
I'm not even sure if this building makes any logical sense.
loop
I opened a Door and
stress tells me safety died
I'm not begging for Nathan anymore.
I'm begging for the insanity Door.
Video: "Lit Vacancy"
I just got through saying this room is dark, and all of a sudden, the lights flipped on.
For once, we have a door I want to open but remains to budge.
Video: "Time"
I heard the footsteps from earlier increase notably, so I turned the camera on and let it run.
Closed Door
Time has been passing for me normally.I've been here in agony for days now. I'm completely alone, and not even the people in my imagination will talk to me. This is torture.
Not even the people on the walls will talk to me.
When is my time, Nathan?
The Light Dies Down on Broadway, Genesis, 1974
"As he walks along his sanity's edge, Rael meets a sense of yesteryear. A Door in the room amongst his head reveals a home amidst the streets.
"Suburban sounds, the sounds of complaint, the smell of petty mundanity on his brain to paint as it carves out anger in a blood-red band, destroyed tomorrow by an eldritch hand."
My home.
Is this the way out from this endless scene or just an entrance to another dream?
And the light dies down on Insanity.
"But as the Doorshine beckons him to leave, he hears a scream from impossible beyond. Within the raging City writhes the form of Brother John. He cries for help."
The gate is fading now but open wide. But Nathan is drowning; I must decide between the freedom I had in the chess game or to stay forever in Hell the same.
"HEY, JOHN! He makes for the house and the Door is gone, back to the void where it came from.
"And the light dies down on Jordan."
The Ministry of Lost Souls, Dream Theater, 2007
The water's Door is where Rael waits, lost soul still wandering.
Meant to die, but he's stuck not crossing over.
The other side is where John waits, his spirit reaching out.
Meant to save, but Rael's too scared to take his hand.
"Living in a world without you drowning in the past is living in no world at all.
So now I call on you..."
"Remember me?
I gave you life; you would not take it. Your suffering was all in vain. It's almost over now.
Don't turn your back on paradise."
Feeling scared, Rael's prepared to give up everything.
He can't stand to feel like half of him is fading.
John will choose the only way to rid him of his pain:
Take his soul now; the decision has been made.
"Living in a world without love a burden to my soul is living in a worthless world.
So I will call on you..."
"Remember me?
I gave you life; you would not take it. Your suffering was all in vain. It's almost over...
Remember me?
You were so young; how could I tell you?
Remember me?
I am the one who saved your life that night.
"I was the one who would not abandon you.
Even in death, I was the one who would not leave you.
I used my freedom to protect you and all the while direct you.
Do you remember me this time?
Even in death I gave you life.
I gave you life!"
"I wanted to deserve a place, a place beside you.
This time when I reached out my hand, it reached all the way to Metropolis."
"Remember me?
I gave you life; you would not take it. Your suffering was all in vain. It's almost over now.
Goodbye, it's almost over now.
Goodbye.
"It's time I release you from this life.
Don't turn your back on paradise."
Jordan Eats Normally Now
bonus content: credits - alternate ending - "Time" blooper
Written by DJay32 for TheFearMythos2011