TUESDAY AUGUST 2ND, 2011
(Don't Speak Its True Name II: Mirrors)

9:18 AM
okay I have been vomiting for the last fifteen minutes, ever since I woke up
it wasn't anything to do with last night, I'm quite used to the smells and tastes of our sex
it might be something I ate? what did I eat yesterday. hotel food. it tasted fine? maybe I should eat from somewhere else today, play it safe.
donnie's worried about me. thank you, cutie. I'm alright. I'm.. jesus, I'm pale.

9:20 AM
she's wrapped me up in the covers and told me to rest today.
she can take the journal again.

9:21 AM
she doesn't want the journal. but fentzy's awake, and bones too, and they're all going out for their exploration stuff.
so. it's just you and me today, journal.

9:22 AM
they're all gone.
can go back to sleep now.

9:28 AM
sighhh.
I mean.
y'know.
I do realize how this looks. how I looked yesterday.
maybe I don't know what's going on. maybe I'm nervous to be around these friends? bones is one thing, I had been hoping to run into bones. and there was a time when I was trying to find fentzy, but then I gave that up.
there was a time when.
"when?"
there was a time when I had a crush on fentzy. when we were AIM friends, and here was this girl my age, into the same video games and a lot of the same music as me, this openly dominant girl who.. returned my flirts, and still listened to me talk about my life, and cared about what I was going through, and told me what she was going through, and. we got close. we became really good friends. do you realize how badly I wanted to meet her? do you realize that I became her online friend on the day before my family moved back to england? do you realize what that did to me?
to think that the kind of girl I had dreamed about did exist, and that I'd even meet her, that she'd want to be my friend, and want to talk openly about sexual interests... but that I couldn't even meet her in person? she was just another part of the past for me, the past I had to leave behind.
"did you talk to her about these feelings?"
I think I did? to be honest, I'm kinda starting to realize I make a lot of assumptions, and that maybe if I ever brought up my true feelings for her, I didn't make it clear.
but, but see! she was just a part of the past. the rapture happened. I got a new.. focus…
"you got donnie."
donnie and I.. literally went through trauma together. often hand-in-hand. she's fucking incredible. what a head on her shoulders. she knows about england, she knows how insular life can get there, she understood my desire to see america. she..
"she didn't tell you about cody."
eh, she got around to it when it became likelier she'd find him, and I probably would have handled it the same, telling her about fentzy? I get it.
"why do you call her 'fentzy?' isn't her name rauri?"
yeah. but on AIM I knew her as fentoozler. it was a blink-182 song. I called her 'fentzy' for short. she even liked being called that.
"that's important to you. you name things."
I do. and I feel bubbly when people like the names I come up with.
"donnie didn't like 'motherfawker.'"
oh c'mon, it was a dumb name.
"donnie seems more concerned with leaving this place than with ensuring you're okay."
that's not really her job.
"but you're not okay. and if she knew the full extent of this, she wouldn't leave your side. but you're scared to tell her. and that's for a reason."
well.
"I'm not even talking about your unresolved feelings for rauri here. this stomach bug of yours, this paleness. it's not something you ate. and you know this."
kinda? I can't say I was certain. but you're kinda filling in the blanks for me.
"this town was waiting for you, Jordan. you know that."
it is.. a perfect place.
"it was waiting for you, and it was waiting for your friends. it doesn't want you to leave."
so it gave me a stomach bug?
"you gave it life."
through vomit?
"…"
..should I want to leave?
"yes."
why don't I want to?
what's.. happening to me?
"I've got a better question: who are you talking to right now?"
what? you. I'm talking to you.
I'm. talking to the mirror.

9:32 AM
...fuck it.
gonna play Paper Mario.

2:25 PM
I hear the others coming back up the stairs.
good. I hate chapter 5.

2:26 PM
Donnie brought me some spaghetti! :D
"In case the problem was the food you had last night."
Awww, thank you so much!

2:33 PM
While I ate, they told me about the carnival they found on the edge of town.
There were fortune-tellers, tattoo artists, a zombie freak show (featuring chained zombies who had died in many different ways), strength challenges, carousel, ferris wheel, a mirror maze…
I told them I wanted to see the mirror maze. That, however I'm feeling, I'd rather die than pass up a good maze.
Bones says he'll take me later on, take me to the blacksmith on the way. So I'd better bring my sword.

2:36 PM
Everyone wants to hang out here in my room.
I guess they want to make sure I'm alright. .w.

2:38 PM
So! Uh. Hi everyone!
bones "So this is Paper Mario. This is one of those games that you really like, isn't it?"
Yeah! I didn't actually get to this one until after Super Paper Mario came out, when I was old enough to want to start buying N64 games I'd missed. I also got the first two Mario Party games.
It's an easy RPG. Hard enough for me, I mean. I never even beat Earthbound.
fentzy "I love Paper Mario."
Yeah. :)
I'm on chapter 5 now, though, which isn't my favorite? You go to this island with all the Yoshis on it.
fentzy "I love Yoshis."
Yeah! :D
But I don't really love this tropical island setting. The enemies are harder, there's a lot of fetch quests... which is weird, I guess, because chapter 4 is like my favorite, and that one's nothing but fetch quests, but it's also all Shy Guys, and I find those guys so damn interesting. They have a whole, like, military structure, but the characters themselves are all about mystery.
But, like! I played Paper Mario more out of historical interest, as first I played The Thousand Year Door, and that game blew me away, from start to finish it is all compelling setpieces and charming characters, it is one of the least "Mario"-like Mario games. Whereas this N64 original is... definitely a Mario game, just one that's starting to get playful with the source material.
Like!

(Jordan spends, uh, half an hour talking about Paper Mario, then for another half-hour he and Fentzy talk about Sonic. Bones and Donnie listen, politely nodding.)

3:56 PM
and that is why Sonic 06 is actually really fucking good.
donnie "I see. So it's because of the plot."
It's fucking incredible! One of the boldest messages Sega could have put out!
fentzy "I remember you telling me about that in one of your rambles. It's been a while since I played, so I'd actually forgotten about the Princess Elise stuff."
It's art! It's art that only works because a corporation published it, and that works even more because the game was a failure!
bones "Yeah, wow, holy shit. It, like, explored failure. It almost sounds like they intended it to fail to make it a better experience."
God, that reminds me, wait'll I tell you about Metroid: Other M!

(Oh, goddammit. Forgot about that. This one lasts maybe about twenty minutes.)

4:19 PM
fentzy "Wow, I hadn't even heard that one."
It had only recently come out when the Rapture started, but I picked it up Day 1.
donnie "What is with these kids' games and giving really deep messages about trauma?"
Well, Metroid is hardly a kid's game. Maybe a teenager's game. Other M was definitely experimental for the series, most of the games do not go that in-depth with the plot.
fentzy "I wish Danny was here. He'd have gotten a kick out of all this."
bones "God, you AIM guys and your video games."
fentzy "Don't you like Elder Scrolls and Fallout and stuff?"
bones "And STALKER, and Deus Ex."
she punched his arm "Then you're a dork too."
What about you, Donnie? What games did you play?
"Oh god. Um. Nothing as exciting as all that."
fentzy "What? What did you play?"
donnie "Harvest.. Moon? The Sims? Some Rollercoaster Tycoon... but I watched a lot of game review things on the internet as I got older, so I'm aware of all these names."
bones "Sounds like you're a PC gamer. Besides the Harvest Moon."
donnie "I had a Windows XP and a GBA..."

(Sigh…)

6:25 PM
Bones and I are going out! Got my hat on, got my sword!
Donnie kissed me and said "Have fun, sweetie!" :D
Then Fentzy said "Have a nice day at work!"

6:28 PM
Ah, out on the town again, just you and me, the Slenderbrothers!
"'Slenderbrothers,' what the heck is that?"
Oh, it's. ...well, it's maybe kinda embarrassing, but when my family first moved to England, I'd actually, like, imagine you were with me, and I wrote these little short stories about the things we'd get up to.
"..I missed you too, man."
I didn't want to leave America.
"I know."
I didn't even make any new friends. We never stayed in one place for long enough for me to get used to the area and.. meet anyone. Not that I was any good at that in the first place. Didn't you and I meet out of pretty much a fluke?
"You and I were the only ones wearing trilbies at band camp."
Yeah. It's shallow of me, but, that's what it took to get me to want to chat.
"But we're here now. Through the luck of the apocalypse, we're back at it again."
That's true. :)

6:32 PM
"So I hear something about you and Donnie beating the Ciphers?"
Yeah! We beat three of them. Do you know about them?
"Only that they're big fuckers. Load-bearing, too. Someone had to beat them."
You go in the rabbit holes too. Into Xanadu. o:
Do you spend much time there?
"Sometimes I prefer it there. I found a salt flat where the sun is bright but the wind keeps it temperate, and a village survives on rainwater, which is plentiful. I stayed there for about a week in June. I still miss it."
What were the people? In this village?
"Kite-shaped, furry. Spoke English."
There's a lot of English out there, I've noticed.
"Yeah... it bothers me."
I don't really think about it too much.

6:40 PM
Marty's Smithy.
A big garage with a chimney for the furnace.
"Isn't this cool? It's not every day you run into a genuine smithy."
I saw one just two days ago, actually. It... uh, never mind. Yeah. This is cool.
And you must be Marty, in the rubber apron!
handshake "Nice to meet you. Are you the kid with the sword?"
I sure am!

6:41 PM
"Oh wow, the make of this thing... where did you find it?"
A place called Castle True. It's.. far from here.
"They sure knew how to make their swords sharp."
bones "Can you improve it, though?"
"Improve it? No, I don't think so. It's of a fragile material that won't take much refinement before it breaks. But I think I can learn from it, make some swords like it with stronger material. If you'd be willing to give me this, that is."
Uh. Like, forever?
..bones is nodding at me.
S...sure. Sure. Take the sword. c:

6:45 PM
Left the smithy and are on our way to the carnival now.
I am swordless.
Bones is assuring me that this is a good idea. It doesn't look like we'll be leaving Dominiere just yet anyway, so we'll still be here when the sword's ready. I won't be totally defenseless.
Now where's that damn maze? :D

7:03 PM
The Caval-Arcade is the name of the carnival. It's set up across a parking lot, the boundaries marked by parked trucks.
...hey Bones, you coming?
"Yeah. Uh, yeah. You go on ahead, check out the maze, I'll be... right with you."
He's looking at the trucks.
...I mean, okay!

7:04 PM
Much of the attractions are closed for the day, but the maze is open until 9. A man in a fancy mustache, tailcoat, and Mickey Mouse pants is waving me in with a cane.
"You look like a man who appreciates the fine art of getting lost! Care for an audience... with your own mind? Then come, step inside the Sky's Neighborhood. Find the exit, and you'll get a raffle ticket!"
Eh, I don't need a raffle ticket, but I'll gladly do your maze. owo
"Atta boy! Step inside, and whatever you do... don't look down."

7:05 PM
Mirrors. Halls of mirrors. Seeing myself clearly in here; though my form does warp, it's always in obvious ways. I know how mirrors work.
Eek, the bags under my eyes. My dirty blonde hair, when's the last time I showered?
My coat's torn in the arms. And I'm.. putting on a little weight? o_o Damn, okay, not unwelcome, I was unhealthily thin!
I'm starting to look older now.
...actually, I think I look a lot like.. Fentzy.
That's. A thing I don't know how to take.
Like, that. When I finally met Fentzy, two days ago. That was my first time actually seeing what she looks like.
And.
Our faces are similar.
Maybe it's some, like, Irish roots or something in the nose and jaw. Maybe it's our eyes, always kinda grumpy, always looking around, taking everything in.
And she dresses so fancy. The shirt and tie?
Like we were.. meant to meet up. Be a Rapture-fighting pair.
Me, her, and Bones. The well-dressed kids on the block.
The trio that was.. always meant to be.
In my dreams.
In my tear-stained, bruised, choked, anguished, never-gonna-come-true little dreams.
What does it?
Now.

7:08 PM
...I walk on.
The layout of this place is nothing special. I can literally see the exit, and am just choosing to spend more time because I'm surprised at how far off the beaten path I am allowed to go.
it was never meant to be.
it was never going to happen.
even now, he knows that.
even now, he mourns what could have been.
but he can't accept it. he can't accept that it never could have been in the first place.
he can't outrun character.
I can't outrun character.
It never could have been in the first place.
But.
but?
...then we met up. For real. She's here, in Dominiere.
ah. that.
he met up with this one, unlike the one he couldn't save.
unlike anna.
Don't show her to me.
striped shirt under indigo T-shirt. brown hair with cute bows. liked wearing jeans.
Don't.
blade through the heart. she was hunted down by the guards.
The ones guarding the doors? Who gave us that riddle?
do you want to see?
Please no.
you came to these mirrors. you came to this maze.
the sky is a neighborhood, and you dare bang on the ceiling and tell us to keep it down?
we are here to talk.
you came here to get lost.
let us help you.

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(Attached: “I had pulled away to take a look at the trucks, as I recognized them from the previous night: Genera Transit. I figured Jordan would be alright in a tiny little maze tent, so I went discreetly digging in those trucks, half expecting to find mangled dead bodies. Instead, I found, perfectly preserved, the corpses of shopkeepers and bar workers and cafe owners and police officers and postmen, carnival callers, and a certain blacksmith, all held floating in tubes, monitored by computers and journals.
They had been dead for weeks.
The population of Dominiere that we had been speaking to were not who they said they were.
Before I could even discover Jordan's disappearance, someone shut the doors of the truck and locked me inside.")