WEDNESDAY JULY 6TH, 2011
(AMERICAN ANXIETY)

9:34 AM
Dreamed of distant rain forming a river nearby. The Camper marched out, and the river turned to blood just as I woke up.
Donnie dreamed of a giant tree contained within a supermarket, the ceiling barely holding back the tree's growth. The supermarket won't last.

9:40 AM
Going down to the lobby.

9:43 AM
There's someone else heading to the restaurant, and they're trying a little too hard not to be seen by us.

9:45 AM
Sitting down at a table. Writing in my journal to look like I'm not paying attention. Words, words, words! The walls have big photographs of New York before the red sky, many of which are torn.
"Jordan, there's three of them now…"
Just act natural.
"They're coming this way…"
I have Tiger Stripes. They'll think it's just plastic. Hell, I'd think that. They're gonna get surprised by
oh god
Bringing a gun to a guitar controller fight, what a dick.

9:46 AM
"You shouldn't have come here."
We were told we were expected.
"There's no one for you here."
Buddy, who do you think we are? Do you think we're here to start a fight or steal your shit?
"You're here to carry out her fucking orders. You got in contact with her just yesterday, on American soil."
She told us jack-shit. We're not with the Harlequin. I can show you my journal if you want?
"You can write anything you want in there."
Yeah, and you can say anything you want. I'm trusting that you guys are even human. Can't you trust that I'm
"You're not in a position to appeal."
Okay. Jesus.
So. What, then?
"Stay still so we can shoot you."
Fuck.

9:48 AM
MOTHEf9ck why would you bring a taser to a guitar controller fight when you’ve already brought a fucking shotgun

9:51 AM
So.. so what just happened. Right.
"Jordan, what did just happen?"
We're, uh. Standing over three dead bodies.
We definitely had a fight. They shot at us a lot, but all of that buckshot hit the walls. I slid under a guy's legs at one point and whacked him in the back. I was a bit too busy to watch what Donnie was doing.
"Someone else came in. They drew fire away from us."
But there's no one here now.
she's clutching her head
Hey, I believe you! I'm just narrating!
"No, it's.. weirding me out. Someone else was here, and I looked right at them, but I don't.. know... what I saw."
Uh-oh. That sounds like slender man shit to me.
"He was wearing a hat. Does the slender man do that?"
I don't know. Maybe sometimes? And we only know stories! Who knows what the real guy does? Maybe he has many outfits!
"I think we should leave…"
Okay. Let me just get a look at the dead guys. You go on ahead.

9:53 AM
The lead guy’s got a badge on him. “R.A.F.”
Is the Royal Air Force here? Shit, air power would have helped a lot in crossing the Atlantic. >_>

9:55 AM
Where's our fucking duck?!
"We're gonna have to walk."
Fuck!!!

10:25 AM
Alright, we're just.. heading in a fucking direction. Donnie's leading, she's got the map.
God I hate walking.
And Donnie keeps taking us in new directions because she keeps.. seeing someone.

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Of course there's not a human soul in sight.

8:58 AM
Buildings scale left
That one is bigger than
Donnie speaks, I can't hear
the xenomoths
sleep

7:93 AM
Toy soldiers off to war, hand puppets storm the beach
lord of truth and lord of eternity, double being with beautiful face
most comfortable with quill pen, but this will do
This one won't last a week...

11:00 AM
a voice speaks to me...
The RAF’s main headquarters!
It wasn't much of a walk after all. We're lucky we found it.
Donnie and I are both resolved in this, we've got to clear things up. We'd rather not be stalked by big fucks with guns all through the country. We're just two kids!

11:01 AM
Oh. It’s not the Royal Air Force.
They’re called “Rise Against Fear.”

11:04 AM
We demanded to speak with their manager. We got some funny looks, but someone did agree to speak with us.
He’s a big man. Name’s Field Marshal Roosevelt. Says he’s related to Teddy. Military man. Not the cool kind, either; he’s the kind who’s really a big asshat about it.

11:05 AM
He’s been staring at us for a while now from behind his dark and smoke-covered desk. Another person’s standing behind him, wearing a suit and hat. A man in black? man in black wearing face of white
..now Roosevelt’s looking at me. o_o
“I know you. You’re the White Jester.“
What of it?
“You were a terrorist, son. Nothing like us. Interacting with that plastic bitch, no matter what you tried, was a chicken-shit dumbass move. Kill her or die trying. That's the only way. That's a man's way.”
>_<
..Donnie said something.
Roosevelt asked her to say it again.
“I said your man's way wouldn't even pass in a kindergarten. You'd get your arse handed to you by a five-year-old.”
Roosevelt laughed. “Yeah, well, we don't really hang around little kids. Shouldn't even be talking to you two.”
..I really don’t like this guy.
Donnie said “Is that by court order?” …fuck, this can’t end well.
Roosevelt looks amused. “Okay, now you’re starting to get annoying. How about you hurry up and tell me what you want?”
Well. Three guys, RAF guys, picked a fight with us. And we just want to clear things up. The Harlequin was some bad shit, back in Europe. I give you my word, we're not with her. We just want to survive. We plan on crossing the States, and we'd prefer to not think we're in trouble with the government while we do it.
“Where are you trying to go, exactly?"
Uh. Nebraska...?
"Heh. Oh, sure. You can try. You have my word."

11:09 AM
On the way out, I’m sure I heard Roosevelt say “Shoot the bastards next time you see ‘em.”
Goddammit.
do you want to see?

11111111111111111111:11 AM
I wish that we can find somewhere to go that’s not this place. New York’s not my style.

11:13 AM
I asked Donnie why she had to piss Roosevelt off like that.
She said she didn’t say two words to the guy; I’m the one who did all the speaking.
Are you kidding me?

11:15 AM
We're going to the north.
Donnie, why are we going to the north?
"Well, if you're not gonna take the lead, I was at least listening when Roosevelt gave us directions."
Directions???
"Yeah, to the.. y'know, the warehouse? The help?"
..what the hell, stop stop stop.

11:17 AM
I showed her my journal. I showed her my transcription of the talk with Roosevelt.
She says the talk happened almost completely differently. She said Roosevelt was a kind and respectful man who said he’d look into our problems, that he told us that the people in this warehouse up north can help us.
And she said I did all the talking.
I don’t remember that at all.

11:18 AM
We’re gonna keep going north. We’re nearly there anyway. We’ll figure out what’s going on later. I trust Donnie on this.

12:34 PM
do you want to SEE?
This hospital smells too minty for my comfort.
The doctor just came in. Says he’s a follower of the Beacon.

12:40 PM
..I’m not sure what’s going on anymore.
I feel like I’ve been having unleaded Mind Screw fuel being pumped into my veins for the past two days.

12:42 PM
The Beacon Follower dude tells me my friend is discussing things with the officials in the warehouse next door. She said I started going crazy before just passing out??

12:45 PM
He said he knows exactly what happened to me. He said I ran into the Musicians. Says they’re another Fear. He doesn’t know what the hell they are or even do, really; he doesn’t think anyone does. But he knows that the people who run into them have hallucinations.
God. Dammit.
Gotta deal with that, then.

12:49 PM
I think I can get up now.

12:55 PM
I went down a long staircase. Either the Follower’s room was high up, or this warehouse is far down. Either way, it’s ominous as hell.

12:58 PM
..I turned around.
Yeah, top of the staircase is right there.
Motherfucking rabbit hole.
Brick wall left and right.
Brick wall in front and back.
I’m closed in.
..now there’s suddenly a pathway right there.
HOO, steam, I can feel that. Getting hot.
Now it’s getting cooler, less humid. And brighter!
..there are pipes around me. This is some kind of corridor.

1:06 PM
Found a ladder. Light’s shining from a hole it’s entering.

1:07 PM
What is this
White
Metal walls
Metal floor
Metal ceiling
But white
Creepy place.
Room over there, going.

1:08 PM
..oh hey! I’m in a warehouse. Donnie!!! With a bunch of smiling military men!

1:09 PM
Military man shook my hand, introduced self as Thomas Ginger. He doesn’t look like a ginger.
“I’ve been speaking with your colleague, Mister Dooling. I understand that three of our men attacked you folks unprovoked— rest assured we’re doing all we can to find out what happened there. In the meantime, I understand you need a briefing about the state of the world.”
...yeah, actually. That sounds good.
“Welcome, Mister Dooling, to the new politics at the end of the world," he said with a wink.
donnie "He's really dramatic."
"It's a big deal, young lady! We had something pretty good going on for a while-- not perfect, anyone will tell you that; liberal democracy wasn't the world we all dreamed of, but considering where we came from, and considering what our loudest competitors had to show for themselves, it was pretty good-- but we couldn't hold onto it for long once the sky turned red. Now, if it was just a different colored sky, and an epidemic of cat-spiders and other creepy-crawlies, I do actually think we'd be able to get ahold of it. Maybe have to deal with a surge in religious fundamentalists arguing that they have a stronger mandate to govern during the End Times, but, between you and me that's not a new threat to our government. We would have seen our way through. Caution tape over any new doorways, mandate a quarantine while containment teams patrolled for monsters... anyhow, you see what I mean. But it wasn't just that. Humanity met the Fears. Or, more properly, they introduced themselves to us. We didn't have a policy for this. These were entirely intelligent beings that had demonstrable power over us. They weren't as a whole willing to converse with us, but two in particular made an opening: The Archangel, and Salmacis."
he looked at us to make sure we're paying attention. yeah, dude. we're rapt.
"Neither claimed to represent the others so much, but our own corroborations give us reason to believe their word. Of the two, Salmacis was the most forthcoming. She, or, they, or... they gave their name to us, 'as a means of representation,' and then began telling us about the other Fears. I think they're an outsider to the others? More willing to betray them. They claim, actually, that the Fears have always been here, and that perhaps they were, as a unit, responsible for some nuances of the balance of power that we've had trouble changing on our own? I'm hesitant to refer to this Salmacis as an 'ally,' and they saw fit to enforce that ambiguity a touch…"
....um…
"I'm losing you. It's not important. I suppose all that amounts to is 'we have a source.'"
Okay. So what about the other one, the Archangel?
"Him! Definitely not an ally. The Archangel is comfortable in the halls of power, and he has connections with the dead. We understand the walking dead are his doing, something he had always had the power to bring to the Earth but chose to reserve until a 'more appropriate time.' And, this being the red-sky end-times, he saw that as good enough. He also spoke freely on the other Fears, though more from the position of one who believed himself above them. We got a lot of names, descriptions of abilities, and a thorough sense of his personal evaluation of each of them. But unlike Salmacis, he told us this as an expression of power."
Maybe Salmacis was also expressing power?
"Hm? What?"
I dunno. Literally just... guessing here, going with the information you've provided us.
"Right. It's possible, and we've already got reports analyzing this all-- look, it's not important! I ask you not interrupt me unless I'm losing you."
Sorry! Understood!
"The thing is, the Archangel behaved very.. familiarly to us. We recognized what he was going for. It is very convincing, the notion that he might have been on Earth for a long time. He's a power-hungry tyrant, a dictator by force. By contrast, Salmacis is hard to read. If they behave like anyone on Earth, they're a type that has never set foot in a place of power, and has only read about it. Very knowledgeable. Very much an outsider. Me, personally? I think that one's an alien, not from here at all."
...…uh-huh?
"...in any case, you see what I mean. We met the Fears. We were told of the shifting balance of power, transferring from humanity to the Fears. The Archangel treats this as a done deal, to the point that he doesn't view us as a threat at all. He didn't try to take over anything. To our knowledge, no Fear has established any colonies, installed any leadership, or even submitted any proposed bills."
…
"That one was a joke. C'mon. We're the Government."
...:)
"Yeah. For all we know, they're only interested in chaos. Picking off stragglers, radicalizing individuals. Now, that will be a problem in the long-term, but we're.. keeping an eye on things."
Right.
donnie "The US has a smarter government than I expected."
he's looking at her funny
donnie "Oh, shit, sorry."
"Oh, no no! No offense taken. It's just that I realized, you two don't know yet. Here, let me…"
..he’s showing us a big map of the world. Looks normal.
“Bear with me for a moment; this map’s circa 2009.”
He’s pointing at USA.
“This? This is no longer the United States of America.”
..he put the map aside and underneath is a new map. It looks mostly the same, but there’s new labels and new boundaries everywhere.
“Over the last month and a half, the states have all seceded. They figured it was every man for himself, they jumped ship and are trying to adapt by themselves. The USA are now the DCA: the Divided Countries of America. It nearly went a different way, actually, but our miraculous President Obama in his last act managed to prevent it from being a North-South split. The new equillibrium, temporary though it could be, is based on the old one, but decentralized. What once were States are now Countries. No one nation here wants to change that just yet. Thank God. We want as many people fighting the Fears as we can get, not each other.”
Huh. DCA. That's funny.
"Hm?"
Nah, it's literally nothing. Actually, I do have a question. Do you know what's going on with Europe? Where we came from? o:
concerned look “It's nothing good, I'm afraid. You two are from the UK, correct? You made it out just in time, then, as the geography’s changing dramatically from what I hear. We can't even make an accurate map of it anymore; it changes from day to day."
Shit.
"As far as the continent goes, that's out of my expertise. Your own knowledge likely exceeds mine."

1:16 PM
Mister Ginger’s taking us somewhere.
Giant elevator. We’re going down.

1:19 PM
Ginger’s talking.
"Now, you don't have to agree to this, I want to be crystal clear, but I am authorized to make a proposition to the two of you."
donnie "We're listening."
"You know, no doubt, of the.. other universe."
The rabbit holes!
"That's a cute one. Not an uncommon name. Salmacis and the Archangel both referred to them as 'Doors,' a name which we find significant. Doors can be opened and closed. Doors allow transit between lived spaces, operative spaces, always constructed spaces. So the place on the other side must not be completely random…"
Do you guys have a name for it? The place on the other side…
"Yes, we call it Universe X."
Ah. I guess that's about what I should expect.
..this elevator's taking a long time, just how far down are we going?
ope we arrived.
Sweet bananas and rice, that's... a giant Door.

1:21 PM
This is a massive space. Like, an aircraft hangar. Under the city. I don't know if it was used for anything before the apocalypse, but now it's used to present this towering Door, which is held in place by large metal clamps attached to forklift-like equipment. Teams of people pass by, looking over clipboards, transporting large boxes, even janitors insistently mopping after each person. This is the most professional place I've seen on Earth. And it's all for that multidimensional portal... which is literally just, a giant wooden fucking door, with round doorknob that nobody can reach.
Ginger "We'd like to propose that you go in there."
o_o

1:25 PM
You've.. sent others in, right?
"Many times. They come back, don't worry. We have a good idea of the exact 'worlds' within vicinity of this portal. Uh, Door. We've been working to map it out."
And is there something we can do that they can't?
"That's the thing: No. But we found a library in there, some ways away from where this Door leads, and there's a figure in there who refuses to talk to us but specifically asks for you, by name."
A library? Sorry, by name? I, uh…
donnie "you did go to a library once in there…"
I did, but... I mean, it's in Dimension X! It's a little overwhelming in there. I passed through the library once, I don't know if I can trust it.
ginger "I understand your trepidation, Mister Dooling, truly I do. And as I said, we shan't force you in there. But, considering the likelihood of this whole situation-- we met this figure quite some time ago, and we didn't expect to find someone with your name just come walking in-- it was my duty to inform you, and it is my duty to recommend this COA."
donnie "coa?"
course of action
donnie "you speak military?"
metal gear solid
donnie "what"
I played metal gear solid when I was 3 years old
donnie "that doesn't clarify anything"
ginger "We will provide you with some amount of protection. Good suits. I can't promise we have anyone to send in with you. Would you like to.. sit down somewhere, talk this over amongst yourselves?"
I would.
...I'd like to get away from that imposing Door...

1:34 PM
Quiet room, side room. Table and chairs. Coffee. Ginger's stepped out for a bit, we're on our own.
"I think we should do it. I mean, I feel like we ought to."
I dunno…
"Are you worried about the Nebraska thing? Don't be. It's literally nothing, like, I used to be online friends with someone who said he lived in Nebraska. And there's no reason to suppose he's still there. I'm in no rush. I'm with you. And there's someone in there who seems to know you."
Yeah, that's what worries me! 'Cause I did meet someone in that library, but I did not know him.
"Well, you'll be meeting him with me now. I think we're actually really good together."
You do?
"I do. It might be luck, to a degree, but then if it's luck then it's our combined luck. And you're good with that guitar thing."
My weird, impossibly stable, Tiger Stripes…
"And that ability of yours to talk. Nobody can stop you from talking. You stop only when it makes sense to. And that's kept us alive." kiss "Baby, you're impressive. I've never met anyone like you."
aww... owo
"And, like. Did you really think, if we don't go through this Door, we're never gonna go in any Door ever again? Do you think this is our chance to avoid this X place?"
Well, no. Like, absolutely, that's sound, that's a point.
"Then what? Talk to me."
I have a feeling. Deep in my bones.
"Yeah?"
That we're gonna progress the apocalypse and bring Rapture just a little closer.
silence
"Well.. if going in this Door can do that, then doesn't that also mean that the secret to whatever Rapture is is behind that Door?"
...yeah.
"Don't you want to know? What Rapture is?"
What Rapture is…
What is coming?

1:57 PM
We're going.
Mister Ginger and his team have provided a week's supply of food, some bullet-proof vests, helmets with rebreathers, and several multi-subject notebooks and good pens ("just in case").
A lot of the equipment is stored in a big box that we pull on wheels by a handle.
Suiting up now.

2:10 PM
There stands the Door, as big as a building, here in this underground space.
Warning lights and alarms are sounding, and a woman with a megaphone is telling everyone to keep clear. "The Door is opening. Make way."
I expected a creak, but it was more of a vast cracking sound as the Door slowly swung open on its hinges, pulled by the forklift machines. Like they were tearing open a wound in a giant wooden body... or a hidden chamber in an ancient tomb that hasn't seen living bodies in thousands of years…
Inside is a beige wasteland, alien minerals blown out of the Door by an alien wind.
We have some notes on what to expect.
Just gotta... step through.

2:85858585858585858585855885858585885858585858588558585
88888888555555555 minutes have passed and we’re wandering in blackness.
Night fell really fast here.
It’s very quiet. I can hear only our footsteps as we walk over the sandy rocks.

858588585858555558585855558585585585855855585585585855
5888858 minutes have passed and and and
Dark sky, vaguely purple. Rocks and badlands in all directions.
And I can’t hear anything besides our repetitive footsteps.

855858585858585858585888588858858585858588885888858885858
We’ve found what look like sand cocoons dangling from a tree that is actually a rock.
A faint hum can be heard from within.
Donnie says we’re getting close.

85858585558585858858858555858858558858585558858858585588585
The moon is rising.
This particular area is getting very rocky.
As the moon rises, the ground gets harder to see. It’s like moonlight but.. well, the opposite! Moondark? No, that sounds stupid. Doesn’t this all?
Donnie says it’s up ahead.

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The moon has risen.
I cannot see anything around me.
I can hear only our breathing.
We have to hold hands now.
It’s getting harder to walk.
It feels like we’ve hit sludge.
The sand is rising.
We’re swimming in sand now.
We’re swimming to the moon.

8555858558585858585885885858885885885885858585858858858
Swim to the moon.
It’s much closer now.

85585858858858585858585588585858588858858855858858888
I can see.
Millions of other drifters floating off to the sand sea.
The moon is lowering.
The sand is waving.
Tidal waves of grit and dust form a crust on the drifters in front of us.
The sand piles on the crust and forms density unseen.
The cocoon sinks into the waves below,
and now the moon descends upon us.
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

9:00 PM
we are sliding down a very long slide
it is red
turn coming up
to the right
now we drop

9:01 PM
Train of thought.
Wait, no. We’re just on a train.
The scenery is yellow.
That one’s orange.
KNOCKING
that’s the door.
We have a door.

9:02 PM
It’s George Washington, the first president of the United States of America.
Formerly united.
He’s asking us to help him find his rifle, ‘cause the zombies are coming.

9:08 PM
OH DEAR JOSH THEY’RE EVERYWHERE
SHOOT THAT ONE
NOW THAT ONE
HIT THAT ONE IN THE FACE
HIT THAT ONE IN THE FOOT
NOW ITS FACE
NO, THE OTHER FACE
DON’T GIVE ME THE RIFLE
WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO
OH GOD
DOUBLETAP
DOUBLETAP
THE DOUBLETAP DOESN’T WORK HERE
OH MY GOD THEY JUST KEEP GETTING UP
AND UP
AND up
and up
and
THEY’RE LEVITATING.
I WAS NEVER BRIEFED FOR THIS!
Open some fucking windows. Everybody strap in, I’m about to open som I got that backwards, didn’t I?
OH MY GOD LIQUID IS POURING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW I JUST OPENED
IT’S PURPLE
It’s flammable.
Okay, kids. It’s time for a little… liquid tension experiment.
..with.. acid rain and stuff.
It’s a reference.
….just die, okay?

9:21 PM
Really?
Right into the next nightmare?
Hello, hotel hell.
Let’s just check in. I’m too tired to speak coherent sentinels.

9:28 PM
I don’t expect to wake up in the same hotel, or even really alive at this rate, but I don’t care. Let me sleep.
We’ll go deeper in the morning.

(Attached: "First things first, there are the gods. Our gods are rather human. Filled with regret, rage, and enough years of experience dealing with people that they can maneuver social situations as masters. Each one has their weaknesses, of course. The Harlequin has her naivety. Death has his pride. EAT has her mystery. And the Musicians have solipsism. There are two Musicians, not so much identities as they are poles of a field. They are extremely powerful at what they do, and my visits to the past let me verify that this has always been the case. They are so powerful, in fact, that they formed a bond with each other that has taken priority over all others. Each revolves around the other, each thinks primarily of the other, and this produces a wall of sound that makes other people look somehow less real. So what is it they do? The Musicians obfuscate.“)