(Attached: "And here we are, those that skipped. Jordan was coerced into becoming a European terrorist, earning the name 'the White Jester.' He floundered his way through France and Spain, encountering some weird rabbit holes and seeing a lot of death. Then he came back to England, and he and Donnie defeated the Harlequin, their powerful abuser, in the town of Blackpool. There will be other important plot details I skimmed over, but bringing attention to them here would tip my hand to those who didn't skip. It's okay. There's plenty of story left, and no more to skip.")

SATURDAY JUNE 18TH, 2011
(In the Name of Comcast, We are Blessed for this Pornography)

7:15 AM
What a beautiful day outside, just lookit that beautiful red sky! It looks just about ready to hug. I want to hug the sky. Don’t you, journal? I do. :D

7:23 AM
There’s a goddamn zombie in the kitchen. Just one. He’s slowly looking around. He looks half-comatose. I wanna say he looks like an adult’s mind trapped in a little kid’s motor skills.
I’m gonna go get Donnie. We need to get outta here, anyway.
And yeah, journal. I kept my promise. Well, half. I told her it felt so strange, after what Mist the Harlequin did. So she respected that, though I tried my best. I feel almost like a slut. But that’s not fair, journal, it’s not; I’ve read, y’know, about abuse victims and they think really badly of themselves and.. I mean, I guess..
I’ll get over it. Oh, I don’t have to get Donnie; she’s coming down now.

8:01 AM
She’s very affectionate today. I’m still getting my mind together. I guess the fact that I killed the Harlequin is still—wait, no, that’s not true, is it? She’s not even dead. I don’t think she can even be killed. We’ve just tried our best to trap her in a freezer. Ohh god, I need to talk more with Donnie about thaaaat.

8:24 AM
She says she’s been thinking about that, too. We’ve agreed that we really need to get out of here. But we’re not sure where we’d go. We’re gonna go out, look around. There’s gotta be something, y’know?

8:30 AM
Going into town. There’s gotta be something, gotta be. Otherwise all that craziness last night would have been for nothing.

8:38 AM
Internet cafe. Internet’s not up, is it?
Half this shit doesn't even work.

8:41 AM
This computer works.
..but the internet doesn— IT DOES, WAY TO GO INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDERS, THEY’RE THE REAL HEROES
It’s just really slow! Heh, ain’t that always how it is?
aim aim aim aim
AIM EXPRESS FUCK YEAH
WHO’S ON, okay, it’s 8 AM so it’s about 3 AM back in the States, but who the fuck is gonna be on?
..Paul Botsford. That’s a surprise. Haven’t spoken to this guy in ages. Old old friend!

8:53 AM
Paul’s not been hit by the apocalyptic shit too bad; Sandy Springs is a really quiet place. I’ve been trying to explain my situation so far, with the Harlequin and Spain and all that crazy shit.
Paul’s response? “DAMN! Dude, everything bad happens to you.”
I.. can’t help but concur.
Donnie seems to have found a computer with internet, too, so I guess we might get to stay here awhile. WHOO.

8:59 AM
TVTropes looks as fun as ever. Even in the face of the end of all life as we know it, tropers remain caring and organized. I love that.
..oh my god, my thread in OTC is just filled with posts asking if “DJay’s okay.” Somebody mentioned how “there was news of a troper gathering in Blackpool falling victim to the Harlequin,” and.. hang on, right-click that, copy…
New Post.
Right-click, paste. [[quoteblock]] and [[/quoteblock]] bookending. Now, “The Harlequin isn’t a problem anymore.” What a dramatic entrance. :D
I’m explaining most of what I can to these people. “And also, the doubletap really does help, thank you to whoever suggested that.” Explaining how quite a lot of British tropers are unfortunately no longer with us.
Kay, posted my stuff. I also asked if anyone had any idea where I could go.

9:12 AM
OH HEY PORN

9:13 AM
“HOT Rachael-on-Rachael Action!!!” Nah, I prefer dominant women; I’ll pass.
“How I Tamed A Rake With My Penis” That just looks like a guy in white latex.
“ESCAPE to the UNIVERSE of ONLY NAKED WOMEN!!!” I like how it was done in the style of a B-list horror movie, but I’ve been to that universe. It wasn’t that good.
“Rubbing My Balls In A Zombie’s Face” Exactly What It Says On The Tin, and as boring as it sounds.
“spider cat gives eight handjobs at once” o___o I guess bestiality’s okay now that civilization’s dead.
“THE WOMAN WITH TESTICLES CLICK HERE” …*clicks*
“VIAGRA VIAGRA HOT SEX VIAGRA” Yeah no, we still have spam.
“SLENDER MAN TOUCHES KIDS” ……that’s what he does? I can’t even tell what’s going on in this; there’s too much distortion!
“KINKY SEX HERE” The video description says “help.” What is this? ..oh god. The Harlequin only made me write stuff down. I guess that’s what happens if she sees you have a video camera and internet. o_e Well, I’ll hand it to ‘em. It’s kinky.
Okay, enough of that. None of that stuff was much good. I mean, the woman with testicles was interesting, but I wouldn’t fap to any of this shit.

9:25 AM
”Entry #42.” Mister Wagner kept going with Marble Hornets? Heh, I imagine he wouldn’t have much trouble making horror now.

9:30 AM
Holy shit. The first minute is just Jay grabbing a shotgun and shooting the Operator in the face.
Well, the lack of face.
Now Tim’s in the shot. He has a knife and is wearing his mask and he’s asking to join forces, as “The Operator will be back, and in greater numbers.”
..wait, what? O_O That’s a plot twist, Tim.
Now Cool Guy came in, or Blasky or Hoody or whatever you want to call him, and he said he’s totheark and they’re joining forces.
Now this is a survival video log.
Bastards are copying me!

9:48 AM
Advertisement for “The Camper Festival.” “IT’S FREE!”
“SUCH BIG NAMES AS
RUSH
GENESIS
METALLIC
DREAM THEATRE
MEGADEATH
MASTODON
OPETH
YES
PINK FLOYD
GENTLE GIANT
KING CRIMSON
and many more out there as we locate them!”
The fact that they misspelled “Metallica,” “Theater” (it’s a name, so the original spelling applies universally), and “Megadeth” really annoys me. But I gotta admit, it’s a pretty damn good festival. I should go back some day before the bands revolt.
The wording on the rest of the page is pretty weird, too. I take it English wasn’t their first language, whoever wrote this.

9:53 AM
Still no new replies to my thread. That’s okay; I’ll check back soon.

10:27 AM
I’m feeling pretty hungry. Donnie says she is, too, so.. food time!

10:45 AM
FOOD, oh my god lots and lots of endless FOOOOD.
Flan, crisps, soda, sausage rolls, more flan, chocolate milk
efsgji0b
BEER.
Oh my god.
Beer.
Oh my god I can have the heavier stuff now.
FUCK YEAAAAAAH

11:02 AM
I finally stopped throwing up, oh my god.
Shit, that stuff tastes horrible.

11:11 AM
I WISH I HAD A GIRLFRIEND.
Yep, I’m back to wishing for that.
…actually, I wish we could find a great way to get as far away as possible.

11:14 AM
I’m gonna take Donnie to the beach. Why? ‘Cause I feel like it. :3

11:29 AM
Wow, the beach has a lot of junk all over it.
Like, lookit this! What is this? It’s a stinkin’ flyer! For what? What could possibly need a flyer in the apocalypse?
..actually, this is quite good.
Oh my god.
It’s an advertisement for a boat going to America. June 29th, 2011. This year. In a week n’ a half.
The R.M.S. Exodus.
The flyer says this’ll be its last voyage; it’s never coming back.
It’s in Liverpool. Fuck, that’s close.

11:37 AM
I showed Donnie. She thinks, if it doesn’t crash and burn, it could be our ticket out. It could be our unicorn.
I need to know how close Liverpool is. BACK TO THE CAFE!

12:01 PM
Google Maps says it’ll take about fifteen hours on foot.
Shit, that’s.. yes. We can do that. We can easily do that.
We’ll do it tomorrow.
I guess we’ll just relax today.
..I guess we need a day of relaxing.

3:45 PM
Replies to thread: Only one was any help, and it was talking about “some ship” which is going to America in a week. So yeah, we pretty much hit the jackpot with that flyer.
I mean, both of us wanna leave England for some reason or other. It really is perfect! I just wish it wasn’t over a week away. D:

4:38 PM
IMed with Danny. Told him about the Exodus. He asked when I thought I’ll be in the States, and I told him, if the boat gets that far, probably July 4th. We’ve agreed to meet up sometime after the arrival.
This’ll be pretty exciting, meeting up with an online friend! Hell, if we can do this, who knows who else we can meet up with?

9:20 PM
We had dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was dinner for two. Reminded me way too much of the date with Harly. But then again, I can get over that.
I hope. ^^;

10:27 PM
Donnie wants to listen to Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence.
I love that girl.

10:57 PM
Noises from downstairs.

10:59 PM
ZOMBIES IN THE LIVING ROOM

11:11 PM
I WISH… uh.. hm.
I WISH I HAD A GIRLFRIEND. There we go. :D

11:23 PM
Donnie’s going to bed. I think I will, too. I mean, big journey ahead of us tomorrow. Plus, it’s fun to sleep with her.
(Hahahaha… ha…)

(Attached: “The Internet Service Providers have to deal with a lot of problems in the apocalypse. At first, it was just the Neonate who wanted to take over the internet, but for reasons that will eventually become obvious he gets a little too distracted to keep that up, so the World War Web event doesn’t continue until the Ruin tries for some reason to freeze it all– was he trying to make a pun? From that day forward, the ISP starts issuing its workers flamethrowers as part of their daily protocol. The Morphs are eventually coerced by the Judge to do some catastrophic damage to the world’s servers, but amazingly enough by that point the ISPs have become the equivalent of every country’s defense budget– all remaining governments, in a series of ballsy unprecedented motions, unanimously vouch all their support and give them all the weapons and equipment they need. ISP workers go down in history as war heroes of the apocalypse, keeping watch over all humanity’s information, defending logic itself– and reason!– from otherworldly menaces. Comcast, we salute you.”)