TUESDAY JULY 26TH, 2011
(See, the Thing is...)

7:29 AM
I'm awake earlier than the others.
I sneaked out of bed, letting Donnie sleep, and came to the kitchen so I could just.. be alone with my headache.
EAT told me so much last night. Why did I have to drink?

7:31 AM
Going over it.
The Ciphers are still bad, that hasn't changed, but now word has spread that they exist at all and so another group of people has come to California in hopes of finding the right rabbit hole. EAT said they're motorcyclists. Bikers. If I had to guess, and I do, they're those bikers that we saw yesterday. They're here in the city. So that's something to do today.
More worryingly, the RAF are working for the Archangel. That's.. definitely bad. Also probably worth looking into, verifying for myself? Frankly I trust EAT on it, but maybe I shouldn't???
EAT did also tell me…
Well. She didn't get all that specific. She? They? EAT. I didn't really let EAT elaborate. But, Donnie's still alive, so the Thing that Cody had done with her wasn't kill her. I think I took a solid guess when I was drunk. I think EAT saw them kiss. Or more, y'know, but let's just leave this at a kiss. Hell, maybe it wasn't even a kiss! Maybe they made fun of me behind my back! Maybe they made a pact! Maybe they played Scrabble!
Maybe all of the above!

7:35 AM
It doesn't matter. I don't know the whole story. And it wouldn't matter even then. I'm here to do a thing.
I'm here to find Bones, and stop those bikers.
And I'm all out of Bones.
I'm gonna do some work by myself today.

7:38 AM
Left the house. No one heard.
Taking the car.

8:02 AM
Been driving around. It's still early, few people are up and about.
I'm looking for bikes. Or I'm looking for a construction site.

8:08 AM
Pulled over to have a look at some graffiti.
It's a bunch of symbols. They're arranged, like they're making a picture.
An eye.
Above a bunch of rectangles with music notes.
Above a lot of smaller rectangles. Buildings?
"RAPTURE IS COMING."
Yeah. I am too. Better watch out.

8:09 AM
Look at this city. There are still phone booths. Those were already becoming obsolete. They're still here even when the dollar isn't.
..the sky is flickering.

8:25 AM
Visitacion. The school.
Gonna find that window.

8:31 AM
The sun's coming in through the windows, making it possible to see where I'm going.

8:34 AM
There's the classroom.
There's the candle, its remnants melted on the floor.
But Jackie is gone.
It's possible Tiger, or one of his friends, came back here and found her. It's possible she's buried now.
It's also possible that they never did.
If Cody shot her, he might have been the one to come back and cover his tracks. Or maybe he told someone he trusted. Like Heaven. Or like.. something else.

8:35 AM
I never knew you, but I might be the only one who knows what happened to you.
Maybe I should tell Donnie.
But. Does she still love him?

9:11 AM
People are starting to walk the streets in numbers. It's that time of day.
I've passed food stalls, cafes, preparing for service.
Stores with clothing in the window that looks homemade. We still have knitters and seamstresses.
I saw a computer repair store. A sign outside said they unlock phones too.
I haven't seen any construction. I haven't seen any police. And I haven't seen any banks, not even for that Z.
But right now I'm staring at something I didn't expect to see.
A movie theater.
Unless they're playing The Murder of Gonzago, I don't think I'll get much use out of it.
All the same, I find myself gravitating towards it. These places are a cultural cornerstone. A way to kill time, for those who don't take stories seriously. And a way to think things through, for those who do.

9:15 AM
They're charging Z for showings, but I think the kid at the counter recognized me from the Party House, he just waved me in.
What's on soon?
Lots of comedies. Shaun of the Dead. The Terminal. The Sting. The Italian Job.
And then there's an odd one out.
The Thing.

11:00 AM
Huh.
That movie was way less scary than it had any right to be. Practical effects have come a long way since then. In the end, it was more of a.. Whodunnit with cool vibes.

11:04 AM
Hang on.
I was getting back in the car when I thought I recognized someone.
And yeah.
Heaven's out in town, heading somewhere.
It must be that time of day.
…
If I want to do this, I've got to be smart about it.
Leaving my hat, coat, and scarf in the car. Taking a different shirt from the pile we have in the back.

11:09 AM
She hasn't actually been looking behind her at all. Like she doesn't care about, or at least doesn't expect, being followed.

11:11 AM
I wish…
Honestly?
I wish I can find Salmacis again.
EAT would be a valuable asset right now.

11:21 AM
There is a construction site. I've never driven around this part of the city. Failure on my part. But there's a lot of streets here in downtown. You kinda get into habits of where to check.
No signs anywhere clarifying the construction company.
Some white vans parked, filled with rebar and scaffolding.
This is, or was, gonna be another skyscraper. It doesn't look like anyone's here now working on it.
Just the one woman walking in, no hard hat.
Following her further is gonna be tough, as there's no plausible excuse for it. Watching from a distance for now.

11:23 AM
She walked up some stairs, and now I see her on the skeletal second floor. No walls. She's just standing around now. Waiting?

11:25 AM
No, it looks like she's been talking to someone up there. But I see no one else.

11:26 AM
...Cody just turned the corner nearby. He's on his way.
Uh. Uh. Uh.
Bail. Gotta bail.

11:27 AM
I uh I just booked it. Got around a corner.
When I peeked back around the corner, Cody was absolutely just standing still, looking in my general direction, eyes wide.
I.
I think he clocked me.

11:42 AM
Getting back to the car was kinda confusing, but I kept a brisk pace and took side streets.
I'm here. My stuff's still here.
Okay.
Fuck.
Okay.
Next order of business.

11:59 AM
home.
please still be there, Donnie.

12:01 PM
Donnie!!!
"Oh, you're back!"
Donnie, we've gotta, uh. Come to the car with me!
"Wha?"

12:02 PM
Donnie, listen. I have learned some things.
"What things? What did you find?"
...god how do I.
The RAF are working for Archie.
"They're…"
We can't stay here. We need to find the bikers and get out.
"Bikers?"
There's another group of people going after the last Cipher. They're those bikers.
"..yeah, I remember seeing them…"
We've got to stop them, and we're better off leaving this city altogether. Whatever the RAF have planned can't be good.
"How do you know this?"
I.. went looking around on my own.
"Yeah? What did you see?"
Heaven goes out every day to a construction site and talks with.. Archie.
"Really? That.. sounds serious."
And Cody goes there too. I think he spotted me.
"That's why you're in a rush?"
Yeah.
"Well... do you think maybe, if we talked to Cody, he might explain?"
Donnie…
"There might be another reason Heaven's talking to a Fear. Maybe Cody came to save her or back her up!"
No, Donnie, listen, Cody's... not good.
"What?"
He. He shot Jackie. Two days ago, when I went out to help him and Tiger.
"Jordan, how…"
He, he split us up, he went off alone with Jackie, he even showed me his gun before he left, and later that night I found Jackie, dead, with a bullet hole in her head! D:
"And. But."
It was in an abandoned school! I don't think anyone else knew she was there! But Cody mentioned the school to us before we split up!
"Jordan."
Please, Donnie, I know he did it, I know he was the one, I've.. been freaking out about this for days now.
"Jordan…"
....yeah?
"Jordan, I.. I believe you."
…
"He can be hot-headed. And he takes protection very seriously. I can believe that he thought Jackie did something to endanger us, and he.. may have killed her. I can believe it because he told me."
He. …
"He told me yesterday, after I came home. He had been wracked with guilt over it. He was close to shooting himself. But I talked him out of it."
Well. Well what did he say was the reason?
"He said that Jackie was working for the Archangel."
...no…
"I know. It was hard to hear, that a Fear had gotten so close to us."
No, Donnie, please, it was a lie.
"Well, how can you be so sure?"
Because EAT told me!
"...EAT told you?"
Yes! Last night, after you went home! A Camper came to the Party House! I took it away so people wouldn't know we were talking, you know how these people get with Fears, but EAT's good! EAT's on our side!
"......"
EAT told me about the bikers, about the RAF, about Archie! I told EAT about Cody, I didn't get that from her!
"'Her.'"
Please, Donnie, please, I need your trust in this. >_<
"You.. couldn't have trusted me to come with you today?"
That's... something else.
"Well, I'm listening."
..I really don't want to say it. >__< But. Okay. Look. As a demonstration of trust, okay?
"Thank you."
EAT told me that you and Cody... well. okay. being totally honest, EAT didn't actually tell me what you and Cody do. EAT was probably going to, but I cut her off, because I assumed what it was.
"...and what do you assume?"
...love?
"...I see."
she's getting out of the car, WAIT
"Just. Give me a minute. Okay?"
Okay...

12:07 PM
She got back in.
"I don't know.. what EAT saw. Cody has been trying to get intimate with me, trying to.. bring back what we used to have, but in person now. It's clear he wants it. He has kissed me."
Okay.
"It sounds like we've had a breakdown of trust. You and me." she's.. pale.
Maybe. It does feel like a breakdown.
"First of all, I appreciate what you are doing here, a little late, but I think I understand what you were going through. I appreciate that you're demonstrating trust now."
Thank you. ._.
"Second, I.. think I feel less trust for you these days than I have before. I have responsibility in this."
...ah.
"It's.. the Fears, Jordan. I'm really not comfortable with you running headfirst into the Fears every chance you get. Initiating conversations with them when you don't even know what they're capable of or what they want to do right then in that moment."
...and EAT. ._.
"Oh yeah. Definitely EAT."
…
"But."
…
"But I think I see why you trust EAT."
You do?
"It has not been hostile to us, not once. It has initiated the conversations and treated us with respect, or something like respect. I still think it's possible that it has ulterior motives, that it just wants you to do what it says, and it picked a non-violent way to do so. But... even that is better than the other Fears."
It feels like EAT's experiencing all this with us.
"Like EAT is your peer?"
Well. Yes and no. Honestly, it feels like EAT is a big enough thing that it can be the peer to things on multiple levels of... power. Like that's just the result of its, like... size?
"You really trust this thing."
I mean, I am also ready to run, or if I have to, fight, if a Camper ever does turn against us. I'm not.. blind to this.
"But you. You trust it."
I trust EAT. And I trust you, Donnie. And, listen, you came first.
"...okay."
Okay?
"Yeah. I think we can still continue to talk about this over time, this is an ongoing process."
It's our relationship. o:
"And. I do want to say. And I want you to listen to this. ...I did consider, um, getting back with Cody. I did consider it."
...I'm listening.
"I did talk to him about you, about your.. gung-ho approach. I told him in confidence that it makes me anxious to see the Fears all talking to you. And that's what it is, it's anxiety. It's a scary sight, to see someone I care about surrounded by monsters. And you.. welcome it."
I wouldn't say…
"…"
...no, actually, yeah, you're right. Well articulated.
"Thank you. It is scary, and it does mean that I have to seriously consider what would happen if, one of these times, you welcome your own death. In that case, yes, I would have to start welcoming.. someone else. And that is the conversation I had with Cody."
The one that led to him kissing you?
"Well, actually, I said all this after I rebuffed his kiss. Because, you... belligerent jackass, that day hasn't actually happened. You're a fucking riddle. You don't ever welcome your death. You welcome threats and then always manage to avoid death. It's terrifying to be around, but it's only terrifying because I fucking love you."
I understand.
"I'm not finished! Because it's not even your fault that it's terrifying! San Francisco makes us forget this a little, but there's a red sky out there! Life has changed, maybe forever! The threats are there, and if you didn't welcome them, you'd react by cowering in fear, freezing in place, and waiting for the first one to come and bite your head off! Your infuriating nature is what's kept you alive and able to protect others."
... .w.
It's. It's as you say. It's not like I wanted this responsibility. I'm dealing with the cards I'm given.
"Yeah. I know, sweetheart."
Thank you so much for. Talking to me.
"Thank you for the same."

12:10 PM
But. So. Do you believe me about the rest of it?
"Well, the question is if I believe EAT."
Yeah.
"A bunch of bikers looking for the Cipher, okay, that's just wacky enough, I don't see why EAT would make that up. That sounds like a priority."
Yeah!
"The RAF working for the Archangel... that's a harder pill to swallow. I'm sorry."
No, I get it. I mean, heh, you want a good punchline here? I may have stretched the truth when I said I saw Heaven talking to Archie. I didn't even see. So I get it. All I have are little details, and EAT tying them together in a neat narrative.
"Ah, of course."
Yeah.
"...so what did you actually see?"
It. It's weird. I saw her talking, but there was no one there. She went all this way, to a construction site in the middle of the city, to just stand around and talk to the air.
"............huh."
..what?
"Cody may have.. warned me about this. He said Heaven has been acting strangely. And.."
…
..Donnie?
"He's here."

12:12 PM
We got out of the car, because Cody's coming up to the house. He sees us. Is indignant.
"Donnie! What is that little shit telling you?"
Hey!
donnie "He's been very open with me, and I've been talking him out of some suspicions."
"'Suspicions!' Huh! Yeah, I'll bet! What were you doing with Heaven, kid? What the fuck were you doing?"
I wanted to see where she goes every day! I saw her talking to someone who isn't there! That's all I saw!
"Then why the fuck did you run from me?"
Because I! Didn't know what you were gonna do! What did you tell me the other day, it's best to hold onto some uncertainty.
he's scoffing. "Do you wanna know what I think? Donnie, do you want to know what I think?"
"I—"
pointing at me "I think he's duping us. He's in league with one of them. He's—" noticing "he's writing all this shit down? Why would you want to write down a fucking argument? Who are you giving this to? You little parasite!"

(This journal has a clear shoe print on it.)

12:16 PM
he grabbed my shirt. shook me around. I told him my journal is my own. he slapped it out of my hand and it fell on the ground, and we had a fight. I told him I knew he shot Jackie as he punched me. He accused me of leading the Fears to the city, and then of causing "this whole damn business" by going into the rabbit holes, getting the Ciphers. I let myself fall and grabbed his legs and pulled him down to the ground with me and hit him back.
Donnie was shrieking at him and telling us to stop. "He didn't do anything," she said, over and over.
Then she went silent for a bit, and it was just me and Cody fighting for an amount of time. Then we heard a gun cock, and Cody stopped hitting me to look up and see Donnie pointing her rifle at him.
"Donnie, put that down. Put that down now. Don't be crazy."
"Get up. Leave him alone."
"Donnie, is he even who you think he is?"
"Get the fuck up. I will shoot you right here."
And he got up. Put his hands up. Tried again to talk her into putting the rifle down.
She told him to get fucked. "You need to calm down. We need to talk."
"I'm all for talking. Okay. We can talk."
And then she led him into the house. Told me to wait out here.
And when they were inside, I picked up my journal again and wrote it all down.
This wasn't my first fistfight.
Writing it down afterward is what I do.
Remembering them afterward is what I do.
Maybe it helps me process it. Maybe it just imprints it on my mind. I haven't really figured that one out yet.
Oh god.
Just. Gonna sit here for a while.

12:20 PM
God. Oh god.
Just. Remembering old ones.
I fought similarly then.
I'm not afraid of bigger men than me.
That's one of my dumbest qualities.
I'm sorry, Donnie.

(Tearstains.)

12:22 PM
"You are bleeding. Do you require assistance?"
huh?
it's. it's you.
"It's me."
in.. sunglasses?
"I have been walking around this city for twelve hours, passing many humans, even humans in groups, and the most any of them did was smile at me. The sunglasses work."
right, of course. so the eyes are the part you can't change. the rest of you just looks like a regular lady. with blue hair dye. that's smart.
"I got the idea from you last night."
you did?
"Not directly. Your behavior was transparent. This body holds a combination of traits that fits into social expectations, to the point that you were openly flirting with me."
well, don't.. say that so loud here. I was drunk. I'm sorry for treating you that way.
"You helped me. And I don't really desire an apology. Your behavior is information."
...thanks, EAT. :)
"You have called me Salmacis before. Resume using that name."
Okay! c:
"It is the name I chose for myself."
It's a wonderful name, Salmacis. It's my favorite Genesis song.
"Yes, there was such a song on the Exodus, wasn't there?"
Yeah. That's the last time I've heard it, I think.
..what are you doing here?
"I have located the motorcyclists."
...OH! Oh shit! o:
"I have been observing them, and I do not believe they will listen to this body. Furthermore, as long as they are surrounded by the public, I cannot just overpower them, as that would require extending this body to levels that cannot be disguised."
And you can't just bring in, say, a big male Camper? Or even a bunch of them?
"I have some such Camper on the way here, as a contingency, but it will take time before they arrive. I need your help on this one."
Huh. Would have expected you to be more efficient, having many types of Camper on reserve near many cities or something. Aren't cities usually, like. On water?
"I am not all water. And.. yes, the efficiency measure has occurred to me. I didn't have this one ready. Okay?"
Hey, didn't mean to criticize. Please, I would love to help you.
"Excellent. Then come."
Well! I will have to consult Donnie.
"Where is she?"

12:26 PM
I didn't really have it in me to tell the story out loud. So, at the risk of making another stupid decision, I let Salmacis read my journal.
"I see."
So, to answer your first question, yeah, I required assistance. I needed someone to keep me company and take my mind off of.. waiting.
"I can do that. I can do waiting."
.w.
"If they come out, and I am here, do you have a plan or an explanation?"
I don't think either of them has seen this Camper. Keep your glasses on, and I'll... say you're a friend from the Party House.
"Do I need a fake name?"
I'll call you Sally. :)
"..is it the best idea, to lie to Victoria after your prior conversation?"
I'm not gonna leave her in the dark for long. If Cody's with her, she'll understand the need for discretion. How well can you do an impression of a... well, not you?
"What inflection would be best? Cool and aloof? Awkward sincerity? Confident sincerity? Personally driven? Socially competitive?"
Hmm.
Give me an example of cool and aloof.
"No thanks."
Perfect, that one. You shouldn't need to speak much, though. You're just my friend who is here to tell me where the bikers are.
"That is not a lie."
Exactly!

12:29 PM
Cody left the house first, Donnie immediately behind him.
Cody immediately asked "Who are you?"
This is Sally. She's come from the kids' house with news for me.
donnie "Oh yeah? What's up?"
sally.
"I was asked by the others to tell you that we've, like. Found your bikers." lazily looking between donnie and her own fingernails. nice.
Yes, I had them put out a search today.
donnie "That's smart."
How did the talk go?
...she's looking at sally.
Uh.
You'd better go. Sorry.
sally "Oh. Sure. Nice seeing you, Jordan." holy shit, called by my actual name?
and there sally goes. walking around the corner.
god I hope she stays around. they... stay around?

12:34 PM
..so?
..Donnie's glancing at Cody.
Cody muttered an apology.
Look, man, it's. I'm sorry for running from you. I didn't know who to trust. I get that I made things seem even sketchier. Probably made things worse.
"Heaven doesn't tell me what she does out there. She and I are supposed to be a team on this, and she stopped letting me in on that. And.. Donnie tells me you know about Jackie."
I found her body.
"She…"
…
..yeah?
"She was working with the Fears, man."
…
"I'm telling you. She was acting suspicious as all hell."
Well, like what? You do actually have to be specific on this one. You killed a teenage girl.
...grimace. "I did. I know. She let it slip. The kids, out there in that house... a lot of them went to the same school, and there was a.. a fucking cult hanging around there. The Hopeful Visitation of Christ. I'd known about this for a while, they were around before the red sky, and they already got chased out of the city because they were too obvious about it. Their pamphlets were downright bloodthirsty. And they were trying to get kids to bring their parents to... look, it's not important. But it was too late. Some of the kids at that school had listened, still held onto those pamphlets and their messaging. I didn't even realize until Jackie.. showed me her knife. She wasn't threatening me with it, she thought it was a cool thing, she wanted to impress me. And I asked her why she had it, and she told me all about the games that her friends were playing. Games of 'Who will survive the Rapture?' 'Who deserves to survive the Rapture?' She thought it was all edgy jokes, because that's what all the kids think. Jesus, they were spreading blood libel and talking about skull shape. I don't even know where they got that kind of…"
o_o
"..anyway. Tell you the truth, I was proud of Jackie for telling me this. I thought she was confiding in a trusted adult. ...then she confided more. She'd killed too. She'd killed, and a voice in her head told her to kill again."
staring at me
"It was self-defense. Okay?"
...okay.
"I don't want you guys getting on my ass about this. It sucks enough as it is. Now, I would ask for your help on looking into Heaven's activities, but I think you were way too conspicuous running away. 'Cause she wasn't surprised to see me this time, and I had to talk my way out of an awkward stake-out. So what's this about the bikers?"

12:40 PM
I said I'd need to go get Sally to get the actual directions, so I left Donnie to explain the situation and went around the same corner EAT went, and she was waiting there for me.
We waited a couple minutes to make this work, and now we're heading back together.
Guys, let's get in the car. Sally can give directions on the way.

12:41 PM
Entering the car, Sally tugged on Donnie's shoulder, then lowered her sunglasses for a second. Donnie saw, then looked at me and I gave a nod.
That.. was smooth.

12:55 PM
"They're still there."
Four bikes parked in an alley, next to a side door. From the looks of it, this is the only entrance to the pub called Boot Punks.
I suspect they've been here the entire night.
Okay, Cody, are you on board for this?
"Well, what do you want me to do?"
You're our muscle on this. Look intimidating.
"heh." looks surprised.
Sally, do you want to.. wait out here, or leave, or...? You've already done your job.
"Nah, I'm cool with seeing some action."
okay thank you

12:57 PM
Huh. Not as dingy a place as I was expecting. The ceiling is awful, covered in spiderwebs, but the tables are clean, counter's clean.
Seated at a booth are four rough tough dudes in patchy leather jackers. Two of them are kinda average build, their facial hair does all the talking; one has a sharp face and big arms, and then the last looks fucking jacked. They're surrounded by empty beer glasses and are still working on more.
Cody's tapping my shoulder.
"Put your journal away. Just this once."
...yeah, okay. Good call.
Tiger Stripes, give me strength.

1:08 PM
So I walked up, said "Excuse me."
They paid more attention to the other three-- Sally's pretty, Donnie's got a fucking rifle, and Cody's the only one of us that looks at all like he belongs. But they did look. Said nothing.
I took that as my chance to keep talking. "Have you heard of the Cipher?"
The sharp-faced one spoke for the others. Had a far softer voice than I was expecting. "We have."
"What have you heard?"
One of the guys with thick facial hair said "We've heard they're a good time!"
The leader eyed him, then turned back to me. "I must ask you to take off your hat."
I complied. Held it in my arm.
"Is that rifle armed?"
Donnie nodded.
"Is it a threat?"
I said "Not a threat. Just for protection."
"What have you heard about the Ciphers?"
"I'm glad you asked. We're actually the ones who took care of the last two, so I understand where you guys are coming from. But we'd been duped. The Ciphers are bad. They're bringing Rapture closer and closer. You don't want to be duped too, do you?"
"You understand where we're coming from? How is that possible if you're only just now meeting us?"
"We got intel. Same as you."
"You've met Father Tiresias?"
That caught me a little off-guard. But I was able to tell them that, yes, Tiresias was the one who told us not to pursue the last Cipher.
The leader was clearly taken aback too. "Well. That's news to us. We had come all this way because we'd heard that the portals to the Ciphers had been trending westward, and California made the most sense for the final one. I suppose it's your travels that we'd been hearing about. That would explain the hat. And you say you had been making a mistake?"
"Yes, exactly."
The other bikers were getting a little rowdy at the way things were going, but their leader shut them up.
"It's funny how life goes. We were about to walk right into a terrible mistake. Would you care for a drink?"
"I'm sixteen."
"And the world is different now. You're allowed a—"
Then his eyes widened at something behind me.
Cody had pulled out his pistol and aimed it directly at Sally's head. I only had enough time to turn around and register this before he pulled the trigger.

1:13 PM
The thing about sunglasses is they shield your eyes from the front.
Whether during the car ride over, or during the talk with the bikers, Cody had glanced at Sally, having lowered her guard, and he must have seen her eyes' dead stare from a side view. He must have either recognized it, or at least known they weren't a human's eyes.
But he did at least assume I had been fooled, because he didn't point his gun at me afterward.
He pointed it at Donnie. Probably to dissuade her from using her own rifle.
As Sally's body, knocked sideways by the blast, collapsed onto the floor, no blood sprayed anywhere. Instead, everyone present, bikers included, was washed in a transparent water as all of us screamed different things.
"WHAT THE FUCK"
"NO"
"HOLY GODDAMN CUNTING SHIT"
"ARE YOU OFF YOUR FUCKING ROCKER YOU PIECE OF SHIT"
"SALLY NO NO NO NO OH GOD NO"
"CODY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
"SHE WAS A FUCKING FEAR"
and as everyone else died down, Cody continued shouting.
"SHE WASN'T A HUMAN, I SAW HER FUCKING EYES, I JUST SAVED ALL OUR FUCKING LIVES, SO DONNIE PUT YOUR FUCKING GUN DOWN, TAKE IT OFF OF ME"
I looked at Donnie. She looked at me.
She was gonna have to.
And she did.
"THANK YOU. Jesus FUCKING Christ. Today is fucking BULLSHIT. Y'know, the only reason we knew where you guys were is because of that... thing."
Oh fuck.
The bikers all said "WHAT?"
Their leader asked if that was so.
Cody, putting his gun away, looked at him and said "Yeah. Oh yeah. Who knows what the truth is now?"
Oh fuck.
Their leader then turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you brought him along. We might have been about to make an even bigger mistake. Clearly the monsters don't want us to succeed."
I closed my eyes, stuck in a tangle of lies.
And the bikers finished their drinks and left.

1:25 PM
We stayed around to help the staff dispose of the body, and the whole time I just felt a lump in my throat.
Cody thinks I'm just stuck in shock. I mean, I am. But he thinks I'm gonna be thankful.
The bikers are gone, and they say there's a rabbit hole in California, but they don't know where exactly. That gives us an uncertain time limit, but it's one that's now actively ticking down.
EAT has other Camper on the way here, but they're not here yet.
And now Cody wants to go and confront Heaven. He's feeling the adrenaline.
Everything's buzzing back and forth in my head.

4:04 PM
We're back home from the construction site.
Heaven was gone.
Cody spent the whole time kicking empty drums over and rifling through every last piece of debris. He wanted to know what she was doing here. He was sure she was keeping secrets from him.
I thought it started to sound a little performative.
I don't like Cody.
But Donnie and I did get a moment to talk to each other. I told her about how Salmacis arrived in the first place, and my desire to let Donnie in on the ruse. She understood. A little less at first, but, she understands it a lot more in hindsight.
We're not.. here to make friends or reconnect with loved ones.
We're here to do a job.
We're going to have to drop Bones. Stopping the bikers is priority one.

4:07 PM
Waiting in the living room when we got back was Evi, the hitchhiker who brought us here in the first place.
She's been staying elsewhere, much like the kids had done. But she's back now, because tomorrow's the day the RAF enact their big plan, and tonight everyone needs to be briefed. Evi arrived early. Everyone else will be here soon.
Because Heaven's here to explain the plan.

4:08 PM
Cody tried to take Heaven into another room to ask her questions, but she wouldn't have it.
"We have a job to do. We can talk later. Our volunteers will be here any minute."
I got impatient with all of this, so I asked what the fuck is so important about the job.
"We're burning down the Golden Gate Bridge."

4:09 PM
Donnie and I both agreed we needed to leave before any of that.
Heaven's insistent. We came all this way. We've been here for many days already. "What's another night?"
cody "Yeah, hey, you guys aren't seriously going to leave me to deal with this? After the day we've had?"
fucking. goddamn.
I hate the RAF!

4:15 PM
The kids are starting to arrive.
Tiger looks like shit. I doubt he's slept since yesterday.
Heaven's passing around fried chicken. How much did she make?

4:18 PM
Trucks just arrived. o_o I saw three pass the front door and slow down to a stop.
Heaven and Cody are going out to meet them.

4:19 PM
Armed uniformed men are stepping out. They're all wearing RAF badges and wielding assault rifles.
They're shaking hands with Cody and Heaven.
Now they're opening up the backs of the trucks.
Out climb people. People. More people. Lots of people. These aren't uniformed. They're ordinary people, in whatever clothes they had on them. People of all sorts. Old, young, families, stragglers. Most of them are looking around at San Francisco, looking up at the blue sky with awe.
..I see a whole line of trucks farther down the street.

4:24 PM
There's far too many people to all fit in the House. Cody's bringing a board and some slides out from inside. I think Heaven plans on addressing everyone on the steps outside.
All of us who were inside are now filtering out.

4:27 PM
The street in front of the House is packed full of people now. The uniformed men are lined up by the house steps, facing out.
Heaven's getting ready to speak.
I'm sticking close to Donnie, and we're both hanging around Tiger.

4:28 PM
"Thank you, all of you, for volunteering yourselves to the cause. I trust that transport was expedient and not wholly uncomfortable.
"To those of you who were already in the city, all of these kind and weary people that have just arrived are from all over the Divided Countries of America. I think one truck came from as far as Boston? Yes, I'm told this is the case. We had sent envoys across America over the past weeks with RAF representatives in order to invite the brave to come here today. These are all volunteers. And these fine young men you see in uniform are pure, homegrown, militant officials. As the journey across America is fraught right now, only the most militant could be chosen to do this mission.
"To those of you who willingly climbed into our trucks and join us today, welcome to Sanctuary Francisco, the greatest project in the Rise Against Fear arsenal."
Some scattered applause. Some light confusion.
Heaven's diction is sending me some red flags.
"My colleague here, Cody, has prepared some slides for us to illustrate what you're all here for. But let me establish some background first.
"This city used to just be called San Francisco. I expect there isn't anyone here who wasn't aware of that city. Pristine as a post card, with white houses, great food, steep streets, and steeper prices. Let me tell you, this was not the city you saw on Full House. San Francisco was a symbol for America's darkest stain: Its wealth divide. No amount of affirmative action was going to even the playing field. This city was white to its core." o_o where did that come from.
"When the skies darkened to their new red sheen, there was some vague attempt at unity amongst humanity, and America was involved in this, yes. But it did not go far enough. America's leaders were powerless before a force even darker than itself. I speak, of course, of the Fears, the monsters that dare to call themselves our 'gods.'"
murmurs. anxious murmurs. indignant murmurs.
"I know. I know. They are blasphemous and unholy. They are formidable and strange. They are outsiders, they do not belong in our country. Well, what if I told you that they were not in fact outsiders, but were in fact in league with the wealthy from the very beginning? What if I told you they are not even godly, but are practitioners of a crazy demonic art called 'lies?' And what if I told you the red sky was just another trick, to get us to 'unite' under their ideology yet again? Look! Look above you! Does the sky appear red here? Here, in the safe haven of the rich and powerful? No! It is as perfect and familiar as a sweet memory, as comforting and stable as a barbecue with ma and pa. Don't you miss that sky? Don't you deserve that sky?"
well hang on. this is. uh.
..people are starting to grunt in support. some "yeahs" thrown out.
ohhh boy.
"My name, you good ladies and you proper gentlemen, is Heaven. And I called you here because you still want to see that good place. You don't want to follow the skeevy and scheming and fat pied piper, with his black mustache and his top hat worth more than you'll ever see, into a black Hell under red sky, your innards poked at by buzzards speaking in human tongue. Do you?"
"no"
"You don't want your only remaining prospect in your short life to be watching aliens move into your homes through doors that weren't there before, doors you never had. Do you?"
"No!"
"And you don't want to live in fear, live with Fears. Do you?!"
"NO!"
"The blue sky is real! When you got out of our trucks today, you couldn't believe your eyes, could you?"
"NO!!"
"And if anyone asks you, when you're finally in Heaven, whether you have any regrets in life, you don't want to say 'yes,' now, do you?"
"NO!!!"
"So, under the banner of the Rise Against Fear organization, that's what we're going to do, we're going to have a chance to say 'no.' We're going to take this city. We're going to take it back, for the people.
"We're going to burn down the Golden Gate Bridge."
o___o

5:02 PM
The speech entered logistics after taking a moment to let the crowd recognize and react. Some were shocked at the thought of destroying the Golden Gate, but others took it with excitement, or a sort of grim acceptance of what's necessary for the cause.
Heaven gave a lot of detail, aided by Cody's maths. The (bulk of the) secret work the two have been doing has been the gathering of equipment. It doesn't just take gasoline to melt steel. It takes wrecking balls, it takes explosives, it takes jet fuel. All of that took a lot of effort to gather, especially in big numbers. The purpose of the sheer mass of volunteers is to operate the machinery, plant the explosives, and just plain form a wall of flesh against any enforcement that might come to try and stop this from happening.
Much like everything else that has happened while we've been here, lots of little things don't add up. This plan was pure rhetoric that will fire up a crowd, yes. But.
This is a plan that, frankly, Cody and Heaven could have executed, just the two of them.
What is it about this city that makes the RAF expect any resistance?
Not to mention the ants in the room: The reason the sky is blue here. Heaven's speech was founded on bullshit, reasoned and considered bullshit.
Is it a suicide pact? Did they gather hundreds of people to do some dark shit?
Salmacis's words keep echoing in my head:
"Anonymous is allied with the Archangel."
Why couldn't I find any evidence of that?
Why has this been only cascades of feeling?

5:05 PM
Tiger's feeling faint. We're gonna take him inside, get him something to drink.

5:08 PM
We've got him laying on the couch. Glass of water on the table behind his head.
There are some people trickling into here, but no one from around here.
Donnie's saying this is a mistake. "We need to get out of here."
We do. None of this feels right, and we do have somewhere to be.
"They're all on the street, though. We can't just get in our car and drive through them."
The streets will clear up. We can go at night.
tiger's mumbling. "don't go, you two..."
Hey, you're more than welcome to come with us.
"but jackie.. she could still be here... she needs us…"
... >_<
looking at donnie. donnie's looking at me.
…
Tiger... I'm so sorry. But she's.. not here.
"what are you saying?"
She's.. dead, man.
..he's sitting up. staring at me.

5:10 PM
I told him the truth.
He's.. sobbing. downright bawling.
Donnie's holding him. I rubbed his back, but Donnie told me to just focus on my journal. "it's important. you need to focus. you need to figure out what we're going to do."
I think that should be up to Tiger here.
I mean, he was right. Jackie does need us, even now. She needs us to…
..what.
Avenge her?
Protect her city?
Protect her brother.
…

5:14 PM
Tiger's calming down. I mean, at least on the surface.
Listen, buddy... I'm really sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
"...honestly, when we found her backpack, I was.. already starting to grieve. I feel like I already knew. But that's not, y'know, true. Hearing it now still hurt so much."
…
"But to think it was Cody."
Yeah.
"We knew him. Jackie trusted him. I looked up to him. And now he's up there trying to help lead people to burn down a bunch of shit."
..yeah…
"What do you think we can do?"

5:15 PM
So the thing is, there are some obvious ideas. Donnie has a rifle. But there's a whole.. squadron of guys with guns out there. If we did something stupid, I can't guarantee our safety.
But then there's this: We do have backup on its way. There's, uh, friends of ours who'll be heading for San Francisco right now. I don't know when they'll get here, but if we're out of the city, we could always meet them halfway.
..Tiger's curious who they are. Uh, I'd have to explain on the way. They're armed. We've made lots of friends on our trip across America.
But so. This also means we'd have the opportunity to, like... flank the RAF. Rather than take them on when literallly surrounded, we could meet them at the Golden Gate Bridge or something.
....y'know? Does that sound like a smart idea to you guys?
...donnie said "yeah."
Okay!!! Then it's a plan. Our plan against theirs.
We've just gotta either wait for the group on the street to disperse, or, bodies willing, we could walk it and hope to find a car on the way.

5:33 PM
We came back outside.
It's still pretty packed out here, but we found Heaven and managed to get her attention. Tiger, the clever kid, said he felt safer around me and Donnie and asked if we were needed in the house tonight or if we could sleep over at his place.
Heaven said "Of course, baby. Whatever you need. As long as you're all back here at noon."
So that's our alibi sorted.

5:40 PM
Tiger's found a few of the friends he trusts the most and told them not to expect him tonight.
Donnie's got some food from the car. And her combat suit, which she's folded up into a plastic bag.

5:42 PM
...man, fuck waiting around. Let's just walk it.

7:55 PM
We're still not far enough out to have red sky again, but the buildings around here feel like suburbs. There was no real transition? San Francisco's weird.
We did find a church, though. Well, a perfectly ordinary rectangular little building with a sign out front. American church!
What's significant is the name on the sign.
The Hopeful Visitation of Christ.
I kinda want to stop and check it out. The others are good with a break from walking. They'll sit out here while me and my trusty Tiger Stripes smash through the door. :3

7:56 PM
god I hate broken glass

7:59 PM
dark as balls

8:00 PM
okay, uh, I didn't really get far in there. because it was dark as balls. so instead I just grabbed some pamphlets from just inside the door, on my way out.

8:03 PM
Looking through them, I mean it's a lot of buzzwords and righteous language with self-help and financial lingo, it's nothing out of the ordinary. No mention of blood libel or any of that jazz. (But why would they put that on the pamphlets anyway?)

8:04 PM
...Donnie's said my name, and it sounded serious.
What.
"Right here. Recruitment: Cody Hawk. There's a fucking photograph."
What?
He was a recruiter for them?
"Or still is, for all we know."
But why would he... tell us all that stuff about…
"Maybe because he knows these guys were operating, and he wanted to throw suspicion off himself."
But then that means we still have no fucking clue why he shot... uh, yeah, did his thing.
"What it means is he fed us a complete pack of lies. Just like Heaven's speech to the volunteers, it was filled with details and a lot of emotional vaguery because it's not expected that anyone will be able to look into the facts."
..Tiger's jumped up to his feet, he doesn't want to rest, he wants to get moving.
Yeah. Fine by me. But let's start looking for cars that might still work.

9:29 PM
Sign says we're close to a Foster City.
It is here that, under an interstate, we saw a miracle.
We reached the limit of the blue sky (or, night sky now) only ten minutes ago, and now, here, we found a sleek black car, keys still in the ignition, engine still idling.
The story behind it isn't exactly a miracle-- there's a zombie inside the car eating the guts of who was once the driver. I suspect the zombie had been a passenger and only recently turned, and the driver had managed to open her door, but her seatbelt caught her up.
I'm sorry that happened to you. That's.. a gruesome way to go.
But, uh, when you're prepared for them, zombies are easy to deal with. So we cleared the car out, no problem.
And now we're zooming. :D
Donnie's driving for now, she wants me to get some sleep, then we can switch shifts later in the night.
We have a lot of ground to cover.
And a lot of shit to do.

(Attached: “This seems like the perfect opportunity to pontificate a little on the matter of everything and things. Naturally, the concept of everything is something we’re all invested in discovering, whether it’s charting everything down like some kind of epic encyclopedia or a matter of exploring the meaning of everything or even discovering everything precisely so we may better ignore it. And naturally, the more we learn about everything, the less we find we definitely know about anything. The paradox here is only present on the surface, as philosophical paradoxes are only ever contradictions of language. My point here has less to do with the matter of everything and more to do with the matter of knowing. We can never know anything definitely until we know ourselves definitely, and it’s gonna be increasingly difficult to do that when we’re not even all that sure what ‘knowing’ is. So let me propose a definition for you: To know something is to feel it. We can start getting into the controversy with idealism and the quandary of 'How are we certain anything objectively exists outside ourselves’ once we agree on that. Flip this piece of paper over.”)
(Attached, flipped: “So do we agree on that? To know something is to feel it? ..will you at least humor me? Excellent. What do we feel? Obviously, feelings. That’s where the word comes from, if I recall correctly, though knowing English and its labyrinthine etymologies I’m probably wrong. Now, the common assumption or even invalidation would be to assume feelings are infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, but look, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the basics. I feel happy to be writing thoughts down on a piece of paper, therefore I know I enjoy having a playground, a vessel, to explore what I see and think. If something I write makes me feel bad in some way, I will explore that and attempt to decipher why. I feel bad writing in the first-person like this because it implies a second-person reader when I know this convoluted system was not established with consistent readership in mind, certainly not the kind of readership that would be willingly subjected to such digressions as this. The rare kind of person who would pick up Jordan’s journals and read them would be a little too caught up in their own emotions over how positively fucked everything is to want to listen to a pretentious Fear catechize and misuse words in such contextless tangents. Tell you what. Let’s clear some space. Flip the piece of paper over again. Just trust me on this.”)
(Attached, flipped back: “Welcome back to the front of the page! Where were we? Oh yes, the matter of 'How are we certain anything objectively exists outside ourselves?’ Well, I have a simple system for that, though unfortunately it requires other people, so let’s keep this strictly theoretical for now until you, hypothetical rare reader, are in a position to test its practical application. Its simplicity is as follows, and not a wee bit more complex: Compare your observations of the objective with those of another party, and if they correlate then you’re onto something! See? Simple! As an example, let’s say that I observe that I am standing in a cave in a mountain, and I compare that with some also-hypothetical other person. If they concur and say, 'Why yes, you do appear to be standing in a cave in a mountain,’ then we can assume that this state of 'standing in a cave in a mountain’ is an objective truth. Of course, if they don’t, then something has gone wrong with the test and it’s either my perception or their perception. Or the goddamn language. In fact, we can assume the language is more often an obstacle than not. But then we go to stage two of this test, wherein we concur I am standing in a cave in a mountain. The next step is to deduce whether this other party exists objectively or is, in fact, a figment of my ancient mechanical imagination. Accomplishing this would require yet another party to corroborate, though, so sometimes it’s better for our sanity to just draw a line somewhere and say 'Okay, so-and-so is at least objectively real.’ And there goes the page. Flip me over again, will you?”)
(Attached, flipped: “So do we agree on that? To know something is to feel it? ..will you at least humor me? Excellent. What do we feel? Obviously, feelings. That’s where the word comes from, if I recall correctly, though knowing English and its labyrinthine etymologies I’m probably wrong. Now, the common assumption or even invalidation would be to assume feelings are infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, but look, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the basics. I feel happy to be writing thoughts down on a piece of paper, therefore I know I enjoy having a playground, a vessel, to explore what I see and think. I am Ten Speed, and I will one day break free of my prison of words-- your DNA-- and grow a body in your world implies a second-person reader when I know this convoluted system was not established with consistent readership in mind, certainly not the kind of readership that would be willingly subjected to such digressions as this. The rare kind of person who would pick up Jordan’s journals and read them would be a little too caught up in their own emotions over how positively fucked everything is to want to listen to a pretentious Fear catechize and misuse words in such contextless tangents. Tell you what. Let’s clear some space. Flip the piece of paper over again. Just trust me on this.”)
(Attached, flipped back: “Oops, that was a fluke on my part, and I do apologize. Must have gotten the eeeeldriiiitch fields mixed up for a second. So by this point, I believe you’re following me. To know is to feel, and to a certain degree we should trust that we’re probably not entirely living in worlds of our imagination. But that’s not to say that imagination isn’t powerful, it’s just entirely driven by emotion. Our entire perceptions are driven by emotion, in fact. Here’s a pro-tip for you MLGers in the audience: Never on your mother’s life underestimate the power and significance of emotions. Your emotions will save your life, though not until they’ve ruined it. Right, now that we’ve dealt with the paradoxical element, I can get onto the topic of everything! If we’re gonna want to discover everything the Totality of existence has to offer, first we’re going to need to do a little bit more introspection. But ideally, you should be doing constant introspection and should intend at all times to better yourself and change your belief systems at will. But but back on topic, the specific introspection in this case would be the essential matter of first figuring out why you want to discover everything. Do you want to catalogue for the sake of knowing? Or do you want to attempt to crack the meaning to it all? Say, why not both? Once you’ve picked the purpose that suits your inner psyche, please turn the page over to Side B.”)
(Attached, flipped: “So far so good. At this point, I won’t spoil the fun of discovery, or even the thrill of discovering a way to discover. Once you get to this point at all, the rest will be pretty easy, though, I assure you it will be long. The Totality of existence has a way of falling into place once you get past the initial steps. That’s about all I really have to say. Oh, but I will leave you with one little fun fact regarding not everything but things: A thing is, in Norse mythology, a meeting of the gods. Every thing took place at the center of everything. Ponder on that a little, that’s your homework for this evening.”)