Website Under Development

Hello, weary traveller of the arcane web. You followed the url provided to you on that poster you saw on the side of the bus stop in hopes of accessing a website-- simple, yet detailed! scientific, yet accessible! classified, yet trusting in the members of the public!-- that would clarify, in politically correct jargon, the newest studies into missing persons cases and those particularly odd deaths.

The Topography Genera Center hears your concerns. They promised Britain these findings, and they promised you'd find them published for free consultation on the World Wide Web through an exclusive website.

But instead you have been redirected to a trendy web log, powered by Blogger, using one of the experimental new Dynamic Views, maintained by a snarky thirty-one-year old American hacker in Georgia. Oh, how bizarre fate can be! How dramatic! How underwhelmingly undermined!

Such, really, is my demonstration of the shortcomings of professional private businesses. No matter how noble the cause, when you're dealing with the internet, you'd better have a masterful mind for chess-like logic, a frighteningly tight security protocol, and a damn good poker face.

Look, folks. Since you're here, let me tell you something else: This Genera, they may claim to have world-changing findings about the unusual deaths of this world, but do you know what they actually have? An empty space in their bank account. Do you think it's just coincidence that the British government announced a seven-figure grant not even five months ago?

Splash some water on your face. It'll help you wake up.




Topography Genera Locations

Guess what else I've found out about these guys? They're not just British. They've got minor facilities in Indiana, in Australia, and even plans to open one in Iceland of all places within the new year.

Coincidental information: WikiLeaks just released documents suggesting that all three of those governments may or may not be planning similar grants to the UK's in the near future.




An Introduction to Fossil Mechanics

Received a cease and desist letter. Soon afterward, so did my trash can.

Now, the funny thing about having a background in coding-- specifically web-based-- is that, if you can figure out how to redirect a url, you don't need much more effort to access the ftp server. Not if you know the right methods. And not if the company managing the site is as poorly organized as the Genera.

I found their "world-changing findings." And they're quite something, alright.

"The Genera has confirmed the existence of terrestrially ambiguous entities of a nature that has serious ramifications for the fields of mathematics, physics, quantum mechanics, psychology, economics," yadda yadda let's get to the good stuff "..our scientists made first public contact with them earlier this year. Their 'ambassador,' manifesting in the form of a humanoid automaton, claimed to be a 'vessel of the Newborn Machine,' a greater being that wants to further its relations with humanity in the years to come. The vessel demonstrated its powers by reaching into thin air and 'pulling reality aside as if it was a curtain, revealing an empire of metal towers and golden clouds of smoke, then retrieving a small device from within and submitting it to us for experimenting. [1]' Further study of the device discovered that it contains a wheel, apparently made of steam, that spins indefinitely without any outside force. This alone could potentially disprove the laws of thermodynamics." Then some several pages of diagrams, formulae, and test logs that could have been ripped from a Thomas Pynchon novel, and then we get to the best part: "The vessel announced its main purpose in contacting humanity as being a warning. 'We don't have time to explain everything, but just know that everything will soon change. It's only a matter of our apocalypse versus theirs.' When asked for further information, the vessel told researchers that humanity 'should prepare for the Night Owls.'"


I can pull every reference you need: One of the above quotes from the "vessel" is taken from a Between the Buried and Me song, as is the name "the Night Owls--" the same song, people. And here's a question: Why would this vessel, if it's clearly unfathomably more advanced than our entire planet's four billion-year history, want to establish relations with us, let alone want us to give it refuge from some ancient menace?
This is science fiction. This could easily become a farce surpassing that of Scientology.

I'll leave you with this: According to the Genera's fictional account, there's over a dozen different "confirmed" and distinct types of god-like being residing on our planet, and for whatever reason we are supposed to call them "Fossils." With a straight face.

Business at its finest.




Taxpayers' Money

The best part. The best part of this charade. Are you ready? Are you ready for the best part?

Direct from WikiLeaks, 100% of the budget for the government grant comes from the taxpayers. And, while I may not be too up to date on my legalese, I'd say it looks like the average joe would be paying Genera funds for the foreseeable future.

That's all you really need to know about this whole thing, isn't it? It pretty much sums it all up.




WRITERS' OWNERSHIP DEVELOPMENT AND TRANSFER AGREEMENT



ATTENTION:

We have assumed control of this blog Topography Genera Center East and ceased all production on the official website, since sabotage has rendered it all but unrecoverable. The previous posts shall be preserved as an example of what kind of slander the Topography Genera Center will not tolerate.


The author in question, who shall forever remain nameless, has been apprehended by United States federal authorities and is currently awaiting trial on grounds of violating the Geneva Convention of 1949, second protocol, article 13.

All further entries posted to this "neocities" web log, henceforth "Blog," will be provided under the authorship, review, and/or consent of persons Jeremy Luther, Ellen Varangi, and Stanford Milgram (also referred to by their respective Topography Genera Center-instituted code names: "Liquid Len," "Duchess," "Doctor Cloud").


Signed off by: "Blackcap"

Regional Manager
Central Information Department
Topography Genera Center East