Slenderman: *sigh* This is not my day.

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END OF CHAPTER 2

The next world Malkator took us to was back to our own-- that is, back to my own, -- confirming there's something of a cycle of three worlds. The two worlds we had visited were fascinating, and our new fellow travelers looked peculiarly like Fossils from my own world, but now we had to figure out how to reach this big 'Supreme Hat.' Which, admittedly, did not sound like a sentence I'd ever have to say in my career as a scientist.

Actually, once I realized where Malkator's powers had taken us this time, I nearly collapsed all over again. By which, I mean I did. That absurd demigod had transported us back to the Topography Genera Center East! I felt faint, and a complex series of thoughts rushed through my head. First, I recognized the Genera. Then, I noticed it was empty. Then, I remembered why it was empty. Then my mind surged through the memories of employees screaming, I relived witnessing Doctor Walls have his head punched clean through in slow motion, I saw Grey's head swivel to an unnatural angle before my very eyes. I remembered the paperwork I had stored safely in the "TO DO" drawer, and as my mind wandered back through my past leading up to that very moment, all I wanted to do was go back to my office, lock the door, and go back to my work. I didn't want any of this.

And then I collapsed!

When I came to, the first thing I noticed was that we were now inside the Genera; the others had at least found the common decency to not leave an unconscious man lying on the street. The second thing I noticed was that they had just lain me in a cubicle. Did they not see the large sign on the wall above my head that read, in bold print with an arrow, "MEDICAL FACILITIES?" The cubicle wasn't very comfortable; I had a bad back, and who knows what would have happened after long enough?

Then I noticed I was alone. How long had I been out? Did no one in this party know basic conduct for a mid-sized group with one (1) unconscious member? Did I still have the handbook that explained this? Was it in my office? Could I get back to my paperwork, would anyone notice? I had so many questions, and nothing seemed to be answering them. Then I remembered, for a third time, that I was in the Genera. If nothing else, I could go back to my office. And that's precisely what I did.

My office was right where I left it, just how I left it, complete silence, light off, peaceful. I was in heaven, never again to deal with those bizarre escapades of the worlds opening, of ExorcistGamer and Malkator, of those fellows who looked remarkably like Fossils I once knew in a past life. It was to be just me and my paperwork.

And that's when I found the "TO DO" drawer to be empty.

Utterly impossible. There is always work to do; there is always science to be done! My first thought was that I had gone insane. After the aforementioned bizarre escapades, that didn't seem unlikely. But then I heard voices coming from down the hall outside my door. My first instinct was to lock my door and hide under my desk. I can't express how appealing that sounded at the time. But my serious scientist self spoke up. I couldn't keep moping around. I had work to do, even if none of it was in my drawer. Oh, I reminded myself of the missing work, oh that hurt, hiding under the desk seemed appealing again. But no, I declared parenthetically! There was science out that door, serious science outside my own door, and did I see anyone else to do it? No. There was only Doctor Cloud, the scientific scientist with a Ph.D in Science.

..I then realized I had even forgotten what my Ph.D was in.

I forced myself out that door and found myself colliding with a young boy of his later teen years. Behind him were people I vaguely recognized from one of the worlds we had visited. That is, the only other world we visited.

"Oh! Oh dear, I do sincerely apologize, young man!" I helped the brunette to his feet, spotting a lack of eyes behind his sunglasses, coming to the conclusion that he was blind. I made the mental note to look into FT-CREMATOR's appearance again, to check if it manifests as a young man. My memory seemed fine, relatively speaking, so I brushed the mental note aside.

"It's cool. This is a Genera, right?" I confirmed this. "Thought so. We've been to one of these before. Have you seen a Supreme Hat anywhere?"

"I have not. My party was on the lookout for the same thing. ..that is, my former party. I'm not sure where they are now."

One of the women traveling with the group spoke up, a blue-haired woman I recognized as being the one who introduced me to their world. I believe she had called it a Rapture World.

"You're //////////////////////, aren't you? Codename Doctor Cloud." I have since censored the name in question for privacy's sake.

"Yes, ma'am. You've heard of me on your world?"

"The Genera crashed and burned several different times in our world, and you of all people underwent a hideous transformation that almost ended our world in a bout of absolute nothing."

Things got awkward, so to speak. "Oh."

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I stored your corpse in a private location and continue to hit it as a form of stress relief on a regular basis." The blonde boy added that she made him watch.

"..well. I'm glad.. I was useful for something?"

I didn't like the way she was looking at me anymore, so I changed the subject. "I take it you've found a way to travel between worlds as well?"

The blind boy confirmed that he was their designated driver in that metaphorical sense.

"Excellent."

There was more of that awkward silence I've become unfortunately accustomed to experiencing. After a while, I had finally worked up the courage to ask what had been on my mind.

"Would you mind if I journeyed with you?"

what time is it now 5:44 PM, Genera Time
We're looking around the Genera. Found Doctor Cloud, he's joining us.

5:46 PM
YES, MAAAA'AM.
Doctor Cloud is a dude who's not quite young but he's not explicitly old yet either. He's got glasses and hair and a lab coat and I dunnoooo he's just a scientist.
PLEASE STOP GLARING AT ME, SALMACIS, I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS
"THEN I WILL GLARE AT YOU UNTIL YOU GET BETTER"
:C

6:02 PM
NOISES COMING FROM THE ROOF
DOCTOR CLOUD, HOW DO WE GET TO THE ROOF
"I, um.. I don't know! I didn't even know we had a roof!"
....
"...yes, I realized the problem with that sentence just after I said it."

6:04 PM
Found a maintenance hatch/fire escape thing. Climbing up.

6:05 PM
There's a dude up here! He has birds flying into and out of his mouth! o___o;;
He saw us and closed his mouth. He's a big guy with black hair and.. unnotable casual clothes.
Doctor Cloud said "State yourself!"
"I am the Crow. I'm looking for Malkator."
We don't know who that is!
..Doctor Cloud does. "He was in my former party. But I don't know where they went!"
The Crow is wielding a whip. ..I'm hiding behind Salmacis. "You'd better make a guess, then."
Cloud guesses they traveled to the next world. However it works.
"Well, I can't travel between worlds by myself. You guys had better have someone who can."
WE DO
BONES, LET'S GO
"I can't just do it whenever, man! I need a Door!"
fffffff
Doctor Cloud, where's the nearest Door to the Empty City?
"FT-OVER THERE? I. What? I mean."
C'MON, MAN. OUR LIVES ARE DEPENDING ON IT except for EAT's
"There's.. probably one in Fossil Research, in the building a mile away from here! They're usually the ones experimenting with that sort of thing!"
Okay! Let's go! The Crow seems satisfied with that.

6:14 PM
Been walking down the mile-long corridor connecting the office Genera buildings with the main Fossil Research building.
..Doctor Cloud, you guys need bikes or something, man.

6:27 PM
OKAY, we're there. Where would the Door be?
"Well, there's five test chambers spread out along these five floors, and any one of them might have a Door."
hnnnng and there's thirty-two more test chambers eight floors down as well as a lab, it could be anywhere.
"..there's what how many floors down?"
..never mind.

6:38 PM
Okay, found a Door. Surprisingly enough. It was in B2's third test chamber.
Bones is stepping up to it and taking a deep breath. We're going in!

6:40 PM
BEEEEYOOOORT
that's the
that's the sound the Door makes.

12:20 PM, Rapture Time
HELLOOOO, POST-APOCALYPTIC EARTH. ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOOCK
Quit being a dork, Jordy. -Salmacis
Yes, ma'am. .w.

12:22 PM
We are on an island in the middle of an ocean.
..oh, we're on an archipelago. I see more islands over there.

12:24 PM
EAT summoned a lot of Camper fish and they laid around the surface of the water, forming a fish bridge.
Talk about surreal generosity!

12:28 PM
We've been going from island to island, now we're on a much bigger one.
There's a rock here with words on it.
"KERNOW."
..wait, where is that

12:30 PM
The Crow found footprints on the sand. A lot of them. People were here. Following them.

12:47 PM
We've reached a dead-end. There doesn't look to be any more islands; the footprints either go into the water or some entirely new answer we can't think of.
..like travel to the next world. o_o

Slenderman: Does anyone have any idea how to tame a robot dog?
[cut to Rapture World, an empty American town under a blue sky with some hints of red]
[Slenderman, The Archangel, The Wooden Girl, The Quiet, The Unnamed Child, The Convocation, The Cold Boy, ExorcistGamer, and Malkator are spread out in a disorganized manner, facing a robotic dog further down the road]
Convocation: CAW CAW
Robohound: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...
Convocation: CAW CAW CAW
Robohound: BARK BARK beep BARK BARK BARK
Malkator: I could, uh.. I could attack it.
Archie: Oh gee, how in the world had none of us ever thought of attacking it before?
Malkator: Well, what's wrong with attacking?!
Archie: Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic; it was a serious question.
Slenderman: Attacking doesn't sound like such a good idea. Because, uh.. because it looks dangerous.
Exorcist: You guys are eldritch! "Let's get dangerous" is, like, your tagline!
Archie: No, that's Darkwing Duck!
Exorcist: My point still stands! You're eldritch!
Quiet: I'm just an accountant!
Slenderman: I WANTED TO GO BOWLING!
[as they argue, The Wooden Girl raises her arms; her strings bounce off the Robohound's metal and fly into ExorcistGamer, turning him into a puppet]
[The Wooden Girl, confused, flails her right arm to experiment]
[ExorcistGamer flails his right arm, smacking The Archangel in the face]
Archie: OW, MY MASK!
[The Wooden Girl releases her strings]
Exorcist: JESUS, that burns like a record needle to the pancreas!
[The Wooden Girl turns to look at the others and holds out her arms in a "Well, what now?" gesture]
Slenderman: I, uh.. hrm.
Malkator: Let me attack it! Let me attack it!
Slenderman: No! If you die, we'll be trapped in this world!
Malkator: Well, then I won't die.
[Malkator charges at the Robohound, blade in tow]
[SWIPE, SLASH, KRRRRACK, SMAAAAAAAAASH]
[the Robohound is now in pieces; Malkator cheers in relief]
Malkator: What'd I tell you? Attacking it works!
[the Robohound's pieces magnetize to each other and reassemble]
Malkator: Uh-oh.
[and with one fell swipe, Malkator is thrown into the nearest building, crashing through the bricks]
[the Robohound charges at The Wooden Girl, whose inner whispers release a piercing shriek]
[The Cold Boy panics and dives in front, freezing the Robohound into a.. well, a frozen Robohound, but sending The Cold Boy flying into a nearby building, hitting Malkator, who has just gotten back up]
Archie: What is this, pinball?
[I DON'T DO PHYSICS VERY WELL]
[the protagonists become suddenly meta-conscious and stare at the camera]
Quiet: Did the narration just talk?
[.....no!]
Archie: Works for me! What were we doing, again?
ExorcistGamer: Looking for the Supreme Hat?
Archie: Oh yeah. How was that going? Do we know if we're making any progress?
Unnamed: I don't even care.
Archie: Yes, thank you for your input.
Unnamed: Dick. When I'm older, I'm voting for a president who will invalidate your rights.
Archie: Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic; I really appreciate hearing from you.
Slenderman: Damn, Unnamed. That was harsh.
Unnamed: Blow me.
[Malkator and The Cold Boy, by now, have returned to the protagonists]
[The Wooden Girl awkwardly goes to The Cold Boy and gives a hug]
Cold: You're, um.. you're welcome...

[cut to the third world (the one these silly Fears are from); this is a quiet seaside town with cobblestone paths and tiny quaint houses]
[the protagonists manifest]
Quiet: Huh. Quaint.
Slenderman: Y'know, my aunt used to have a summer home in a place like this.
Exorcist: Guys, guys, I think we should have a serious discussion about how we're gonna look for the Supreme Hat.
Unnamed: Aren't we already, like, looking for it?
Exorcist: Well. ..yeah. But I feel like you guys just kinda decided what to do without confronting us.
Malkator: Speak for yourself; they told me all about it.
Exorcist: ..oh. Well, what'd they say?
Malkator: I'm just joking; we don't have a plan beyond "Travel sporadically between worlds, look for any intelligent life that might give us a clue."
Exorcist: Oh.
Unnamed: Yes, any fucking objections, mortal?
Exorcist: I guess not.
Unnamed: Good, now shut your mouth.
[they wander idly]
["..what? We're alive?"]
Slenderman: You guys hear that?
Quiet: Yes, what was that?
["Oh god, he didn't kill us after all..."]
Quiet: Where's it coming from?
[they look for the source of the disembodied voices, but soon come to the realization that.. well, they're disembodied]
?: You guys hearing that too?
[a grey alien in a red hood stumbles out of an alley]
[The Quiet screams and runs off]
Archie: ....he'll come back.
Slenderman: And who are you?
?: I am Xezbeth. I am an alien you cannot comprehend, so I have taken the form of a character from your old fictional tale Little Red Rocking Hood.
Exorcist: Riding.
Xezbeth: Whatever.
Archie: Great, welcome to Protagonist Party, home of every fucking protagonist in the party.
Malkator: He's not being sarcastic; you get used to it eventually.
Archie: Yes, welcome, we're pretty much the bee's knees!
Cold: Who even says that anymore?

8
5
8
5
8
5
8 + 8 + 8 + 8
- (8 - 5)
+ 1 + 1

Math is cryptic, right?

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Wherefore Art I?
Brother.
Brother.
Wherefore Art I?

Empty your canvas into mine.
Art doesn't take much anymore.
Take a look at my easel, fear the direction it will soon head.

The paint will soon run off the page.

END OF CHAPTER 3

Shortly after finding the footprints ending on the beach, we turned our search into a Door hunt. I still found this all fairly difficult to follow, but it seemed clearer than it began: We were traveling in a loop of three different universes, looking for either the only other known group of transuniversal travelers or for anything remotely out of the ordinary. ..."ordinary" being a strange word to use under that context.

I found myself looking at this world's sky frequently, curious as to its hue. It was predominantly blue, but every cloud had a distinct red tint, reflecting orange into the surrounding areas. There was, logically, much purple in the intersections. As we walked, I asked some of the others what had happened to this world. Apparently, they had gone through a sort of apocalypse that had killed off most of the planet's inhabitants, including an alarming number of Fossils (they used the casual moniker of "Fears"). Whenever I'd ask what caused the apocalypse or what ultimately stopped it at the last minute, their answers were always variations on "It's a long story."

After a couple hours of searching, the eldritch accompanier with the blue hair underwent a violent contortion. She screamed in anguish and collapsed to the ground, writhing in pain. The rest of us looked at each other in curious anxiety. Just when she stopped writhing and the blonde boy was preparing to approach her, she jumped to her feet, stretched her limbs, and her eyes glowed red.

"Ah, so that's how I can travel from world to world." Her voice lowered severely in pitch and gained a rough texture, putting on the front of a male voice. I don't believe the others knew quite what was going on, certainly not like I did, so I slowly began tiptoeing my way away from this scene, hoping no one would see me. Unfortunately, Grey then asked me where I was going, and all attention was on me again.

I did my best to explain to the others what this creature was: "That's not your friend anymore. This is Grey, an antagonistic factor who had been chasing myself and my.. well, colleague."

"'Antagonistic factor,' how scientific, Doctor. That's a great euphemism for 'the axe-crazy murderer who has just tracked you across multiple universes.'" He chuckled and carried on, "Yeah, it turns out I can do that now. See, when I die, I simply move on to a new host body. Only this time I seem to have found an eldritch body!" His chuckle broke into a cackle here. I noticed he was idly fondling his new body's breasts with his hands.

The blonde boy anxiously wielded his shovel, the blind boy dual-wielded swords, the blonde girl wielded what looked like a gardening tool, and the Crow opened his mouth. I was about to witness a vicious battle, surely.

And that's when a figure rose out of the ocean who looked virtually identical to Grey's body. All the colour seemed to drain out of Grey upon seeing this figure, and his cackle lowered into a very nervous chuckle.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a hive mind." He anxiously touched the back of his neck. "How's it.. how's it going? I kept your body warm for you!"

Several more identical figures then rose out of the water, and before Grey even had a chance to begin to turn and run, they had grabbed him and were dragging him into the water, kicking and screaming. Not an image I like to think about, really. One of them stayed behind to help us, and.. well. I think I was feeling faint from the rush of events that had just happened. But I refused to collapse, not there, not then! Not in a post-apocalyptic world an impossible number of miles from home. So I fought my body and remained vigilant. Consciousness was to be my friend this time.

A little while later, we found a disembodied door (referred to as a capital-D Door), and the blind boy led us inside. As with the last Door, this one took us to a spectral chamber that I can only describe as "purple." Ominous faces watched us from high above, seemed to consider us, and the blind boy stared them right in the eyes with his lack thereof and they lowered to him. A white light opened up, exactly the size of a Door, and through it was some planet's seaside. We stepped through.

This was a small seaside village, cloaked in cobblestone, quiet and quaint. From my memory, I guessed this was the same world where we met those Fossil-like entities in that restaurant. According to the cycle, at least.

We wandered the silent streets in search of anything at all, and we found no life. ..well. Having said that, we actually did find life. The town wasn't empty; it had pedestrians and inhabitants here and there. But each human was either standing, sitting, or lying completely still. As if comatose. Furthermore, every now and then, we'd all simultaneously hear some disembodied voice speaking quietly. I counted two distinct voices, and both seemed locked in an ontological existential struggle. Needless to say, this was a most bizarre world.

Our search yielded another Door after long enough, and we were about to enter it when we saw a motorbike speeding our way. In fact, most of us had been able to discern that, given the motorbike's speed and trajectory and the assumption that this universe had similar laws of inertia to our own, it was about to crash directly into us, killing us in the process. So we dived to the side as the bike skidded to a complete halt.

The driver of this vehicle stepped off, wearing a trendy brown trenchcoat and seeming to have an eyepatch. And.. and an arm made of shadow. As with Malkator being a demigod, I was no longer questioning these things. They took off their helmet, and it was a woman with long black hair.

"I heard there were explosions in this story somewhere. Or does that come later? There's also chocolate syrup somewhere, has that already happened yet?" We had no idea how to answer, so we just stared at her. "I'm sensing a distinct lack of chocolate syrup in this situation. I know just how to remedy this!"

And within minutes, she had leaped off her bike, run into the nearest shop, and had come back with several containers of chocolate syrup, handing them to each of us.

"Oh, this is why I saw chocolate syrup, that makes sense." She did a lot of talking, and our blue-haired companion seemed the only one who wasn't completely lost. So the aforementioned blue-haired companion (I really needed to learn people's names) walked up to her and asked who she was.

"...me? You don't know who I am yet. Well, I'm Yahoo," as she slurped her syrup through a bendy straw.

"Who in the name of fuck is Yahoo?" Our companion, if I had to guess, felt insecure over being practically upstaged. Up until this moment, she was the only one sending the blonde boy to his knees by sheer awe alone.

"Give me a second." She stared off into the distance for a second. "Alright, second's up. I'm one of those three robots that will tell you where the Supreme Hat is. That's what you're looking for in this world, right? Supreme Hat? I didn't come to the wrong world again, did I? I'm not the sort of person to ask for directions. Or am I?" Again, more silence from the rest of us.

"Well, Yahoo, I'm Salmacis," I privately took a mental note not to forget that name this time, "and yes, we're looking for the Supreme Hat. We're also looking for another band of transuniversal travelers, if you've ever seen them."

"Other travelers? There's been a lot of travelers."

"Well, just tell us what travelers you know of. These guys have Fears with them, if that's any help."

Yahoo took another moment to stare off into the distance. I saw her pupils dart a lot, scanning her surroundings. "I.. do see a large group. I mean, I don't see them; it's a very long story. I, uh. Just follow me."

And with that, she singlehandedly transported us back to my world. Our adventure was officially too confusing for comprehension.

2:56 AM, Genera Time
oh god Yahoo is really hot I am so sorry but she is really hot
Salmacis is practically dragging me along with her at this point, though. I shouldn't ogle over Yahoo; she's.. just a robot, and I don't want to make Salmacis jealous.
Plus, I mean, Yahoo seems to be flirting with Fentzy and Donnie just as much as with me.
Maybe she swings like that.
...RIGHT RIGHT, WHERE ARE WE, SERIOUS SCIENTIST TIME, JORDY
We are in the Genera world place. This.. looks like some English town. Quiet English town. Very quiet. ..oh god, this is what life was like before Rapture. Oh god, this is nostalgia. .___.
Serious Scientist time, Jordy. C'mon. Stiff upper lip.

3:01 AM
Yahoo saw me hiding my upset. She's taking me somewhere private.
"What's wrong? You okay? We're not walking too fast for you, are we?"
Well. No. I mean, yes a little, but it's not that. My world was just like this world, but.. then it went through an apocalypse.
"..oh god, you're from that world?"
You saw it?
"Didn't mean to, but yeah. I realize this must be quite the culture shock for you."
I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I mean, I've been through a lot...

3:02 AM
.....wait what just happened
She kissed me, and then she took me to some distant beach and we had dinner, and then she got me ice cream, and then she practically snapped her fingers and we were back in that bathroom again and no time had passed at all.
"Just call it 'robot powers.' Now c'mon, stay strong. We've got a lot of work to do yet. Not even halfway through yet."
..yes, ma'am. .w.
"Good boy!"

3:03 AM
As soon as we returned to the group, Salmacis took me aside and we went right back into that bathroom.
"YOU BITCH, WHAT DID YOU DO, YOU SMELL LIKE TECHNOLOGY"
I DON'T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT HAPPENED, I PROMISE
"I SWEAR TO XANADU, IF I READ YOUR JOURNAL AND THERE'S ONE MENTION OF EVEN HAND-HOLDING WITH THAT SHALLOW THING, I WILL SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP MY ASS THAT I WILL DIGEST YOU"
OH GOD PLEASE DON'T THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY UNPLEASANT
"GIVE ME YOUR JOURNAL"
NO
"GIVE IT"
NO I DON'T WANT TO BE DIGESTED
"YOU BITCH, SO YOU DID HOLD HER HAND"
NO NO NO I PROMISE WE JUST KISSED, NO HAND-HOLDING

3:08 AM
Oh god, I can't breathe.
Yahoo awkwardly knocked on the door, saying she heard a lot of screaming. Salmacis then yelled "GO THE FUCK AWAY, YOU WHORE" and Yahoo cheerfully said "Okay!"
Now Salmacis has calmed down and it turns out the others left us behind.

3:10 AM
"Motherfucking motherfucker, this is just great. Stuck in someone else's world with a bitch who cheated on me."
I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!
"Yes, now you're sorry."
No, I really am, I didn't want to make you jealous. >_< I can honestly empathize with your emotions, boss.
"..you can?"
I promise. I want to help you with your emotions, just like you've helped me with mine. I mean, neither of us can clearly understand our feelings.
"I dunno... I just. I feel a blatant panic at the fact that worlds are probably ending all over again. And then that bitch shows up and steals you away from me. What's she got that I don't?! I'm a hive mind with tons of female human bodies for you to choose from, and she's... she's a robot that looks like a human. With an eyepatch and an arm made of shadows."
Boss, I think in the long run, I'll always prefer you. o: She's energetic and enthusiastic and spontaneous, which is fun at times, but it can get old really fast. You're the kind of woman... creature that I could settle down with. Plus, we've been through a lot together!
"..yeah. Yeah, that's a good point."
hug
I'm sorry, ma'am.
"And I'm sorry for how I reacted."
It's okay. ^^; Now c'mon, let's look around this world for a Door or a person or something.

5:11 AM
..oh look.
A Door.
A disembodied Door standing in the middle of the street.
"Do you think it'll work and take us back to our world?"
I mean. ..maybe.

Slenderman: Okay, where even are we anymore?
[cut to Rapture World, an empty Asian clearing with.. Asia]
[the party is now Frank Slenderman, The Archangel, The Convocation, The Unnamed Child, The Wooden Girl, The Crow ExorcistGamer, Xezbeth, The Cold Boy, Malkator, Fentzy, Bones, Donnie, Doctor Cloud, and Yahoo]
Yahoo: Looks to me like an Asian clearing with Asia, precisely as the narration dictated.
[SHUT UP by which I mean keep talking, you're awesome]
[The Wooden Girl glares at the camera for a second, and then looks at Yahoo]
Yahoo: What's up? Cat got your tongue?
[The Wooden Girl holds a finger to her neck and gestures decapitation as a threat to Yahoo]
Yahoo: Yeah, I got my eye on you too, sugar queen.
Unnamed: I like you.
Xezbeth: You creatures have funny ways to express your taste and distaste for each other.
Yahoo: Oh, I'm not with them. I'm a robot.
Xezbeth: ..then you creatures have funny standards for robots.
Yahoo: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? I'm a good robot!
Xezbeth: It means-- oh fuck it, let's just cut to the chase: I'm actually Grey.
[the protagonists stop walking and stare at Xezbeth, whose alien eyes glow red]
Archie: Whoa. Did not see that one coming.
Slenderman: Okay, uh.. hi, Grey. Why have you missed all our Fear meetings? I put "MANDATORY" on the emails in bold print for a reason!
Xezbeth: *pulls out pistol, points at Slenderman* You also put them in Comic Sans MS.
Archie: ..well, he's got you there, Frank.
Xezbeth: Damn right I got you there! Now listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once, yeah? We're going for a walk. You guys are gonna take me to the Supreme Hat. And then I'm gonna wear the Supreme Hat, and I'm gonna cosplay for a while. ..wait no I'm not, dammit! Xezbeth's personality's starting to bleed through.
Yahoo: Aw, you don't like cosplaying, Grey? I always pictured you as looking good in a Guy Fawkes costume.
Xezbeth: Ooh, maybe with a little bit of frill on my costume to accentuate my eyes-- FUCK YOU
Slenderman: Y'know, Grey, this explains why you possess people's bodies so much. Without a body, you can't dress up!
Xezbeth: Oh, I know, it's horrible-- DAMMIT WILL YOU STOP THAT, I SWEAR I WILL SHOOT
Yahoo: No, you won't. That gun's empty.
Xezbeth: NO NO IT'S NOT, SEE
[click click click]
Xezbeth: ...uh-oh.
[Yahoo punches him in the face]

[cut to several minutes later; the protagonists have tied Xezbeth to a stump or something]
Archie: So, uh.. why don't we just kill him?
Cloud: Every time he dies, he just possesses a new body.
Yahoo: Plus, he might know how to find the Supreme Hat.
[Xezbeth wakes up (y'know what, I'll just call him Grey)]
Grey: MOTHERFUCKER LET ME GO
[Yahoo slaps him]
Yahoo: I've always wanted to do that! To answer your question, no.
Slenderman: Now Grey, please tell us if you know where to find the Supreme Hat.
Grey: (sarcastically) Of course I know! Why in the world would I point a gun at you asking you to take me if I didn't know?
Archie: I can answer that one!
Exorcist: He was being sarcastic.
Archie: ..oh.
[The Wooden Girl steps up and raises her arms]
[strings shoot into Grey's limbs]
Grey: (monotone) My name is Grey. The Unnamed Girl is my favourite, no matter how much I may deny it after this sentence.
[The Wooden Girl releases her strings, and Grey thrashes in anger]
Grey: GODDAMMIT, that hurt like a compact Oxford dictionary to the spine!
[The Unnamed Girl hugs him and kisses him]
Grey: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GET AWAY FROM ME
Unnamed: I'M GONNA MAKE YOU A REAL MAN, HAVE MY BABY
Grey: I'M AFRAID OF COMMITMENT
Cloud: Wait, didn't he already say he doesn't know where the Supreme Hat is?
Yahoo: Yeah, but this is really fun to watch.
Cloud: C'mon, let's not be sadistic!
Yahoo: Oh, alright.
[Yahoo slaps Grey]
Yahoo: TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW. TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW NOW!
Grey: I know the only way to find the Supreme Hat is to travel between worlds, but I don't exactly know what that means.
Convocation: CAW CAW
[the protagonists stare at The Convocation in awe]
Slenderman: How in the world did we not think of that sooner? Of course, it's so obvious!
[Slenderman runs up to Bones]
Slenderman: Young blind man! If we take you to a Door, can you not take us to the other side?
Bones: Uh. ..sure?
[the protagonists run off in search of a Door]
[pause]
[Grey sighs]
[The Unnamed Child comes back]
Grey: Well, what do you want?
Unnamed: Yahoo said I could keep watch over you. *giggles*
Grey: ..fuck.

[cut to the third world, an endless expanse of nothing but white]
[a Door manifests and opens; the protagonists run through]
Bones: I'm sorry. The faces wouldn't let me keep us there.
Slenderman: *sigh* It's okay, I suppose.
[as soon as Yahoo enters, she perks up to attention and looks all around]
Yahoo: Where are we? This place looks really.. barren. Like very very very few people have ever been here.
["He forgot us, or did he, he remembered us, or did he, he forgot us, or did he, he remembered us, or did he"]
Cloud: Those disembodied voices again.
[another sound drifts into hearing, this one far more tangible: live music]
[the protagonists look at each other and walk towards the music]

[the white expanse, as they walk, fades to black]

[the music gets louder and louder, a light is visible in the distance]

[Fentzy, Donnie, and Bones stop in their tracks when they reach the light, the others keep walking]
[this is a large indoor concert venue with an audience of comatose people]
[standing on the stage is a band that stops playing as the protagonists enter]
[in front of the band, on the stage, is The Quiet, hands behind his back]
Quiet: Welcome, protagonists, to the End Complete! ...take two three!
[he and the entire crowd monotonously laugh]

I wandered lonely as a cloud 'til I came upon this dirty street.

Hang on, John. We're out of this at last. Something's changed: That's not your face, it's mine. It's mine!

"What? That's.. me."

I am facing myself. The other me is wearing blue rather than my particularly-picked purple appearance. Is this really real or just some crazy dream?

He is accompanied by a blue-haired blue-wearing goddess. In her eyes, I see the darkness of the lake.

Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV. The End Complete never ends.

END OF CHAPTER 4

Their laughter persisted for a matter of twenty seconds. As we stood there in front of this concerted spectacle, I began to feel faint yet again. I ran the past few days through my head, or whatever you'd call this experience. I vividly recalled everything being fine before Yahoo showed up, and before that, everything was even finer before ExorcistGamer showed up! And why on Earth had we just deserted that couple when they were in the bathroom? What even happened with that? I remembered Yahoo saying they need to be left alone, and then we found a Door and the blind boy took us through and then we were in Asia and we found the other group, I remember Malkator and the Crow being reunited and preparing to battle before the lawyer broke things up, I remember their strange alien friend turning out to be Grey yet again and then interrogating him and everything past that was a blur.

And then I remembered my "TO DO" drawer being empty. I still couldn't believe that. I knew I had put my paperwork in there. I knew it to be true. The world was wrong. Yet here was this twisted event unfolding before my very eyes, and all this nitwit in the Hawaiian shirt could do was laugh? At me! Well, I wouldn't take it that day, not anymore. So I stormed up past the laughing crowd, pushing my way through, and I climbed up onto that stage, and I walked up to that Hawaiian-shirt and I reared back my fist, and then he opened his mouth and countless tiny strings flew out and wrapped around my hand.

The crowd continued to laugh, and I could feel panic filling my head before Yahoo leaped up to the stage and cut the strings in half. Hawaii-shirt did not react, only continuing to laugh.

"This place, what is this place? It isn't meant to be here." She pointed her weapon at Hawaii-shirt, and now I could see it was a knife.

"The same could be said about you." All the crowd spoke along with Hawaii-shirt, all in a monotone.

"I came here because I knew something was way off with the story." Again, she mentioned a 'story.' I was fairly sure she meant the Supreme Hat's prophecies.

"Two out of four have ended in tragedy, and the other two don't seem to be taking the bait. I simply want to give them incentive." The rest of our group was now approaching the stage.

"You're trying to win a greater war than the context allows? Pushing your luck, if you ask me!" The fact that Yahoo seemed to be seamlessly following his cryptic speech astonished me.

"We planted this seed in the Rapture World, and the Doors allowed us to bypass the context to plant the seed further in the DCA World."

"You do realize that a Door, once opened, can be stepped through in either direction?"

Hawaii-shirt grimaced at this. "That certainly explains how you got in."

"Yes, and if you don't comply with my requests, that will also explain how you're about to get the shit beaten out of you." I politely gave them some distance at this.

"Name your requests, and I will consider them."

"First, I want you to explain to these confused individuals exactly who you are."

Hawaii-shirt looked at all of us. "I'm EAT."

"Which EAT?"

He looked at us. "Sockpuppet EAT." All of us felt intense headaches at the mention of that word. I was even more confused than before.

Yahoo looked startled. "...wait. You're the wrong EAT."

He chuckled. "You were, perhaps, expecting DCA EAT? That one's far more eldritch in form than I, and I think you'll find it's already exploring the worlds as we speak."

"Fuck. Fuck. Where is it?"

"Everywhere." And with that, Hawaii-shirt and the entire crowd collapsed into piles of person-coloured cloth.

Yahoo, for the first time since I had met her, broke into a panic. She ran to each pile of cloth, kicking them, picking them up, yelling at them to get back up and talk to her. The rest of us just awkwardly looked at each other, back at her, at each pile of cloth, and then back at her again.

The man wearing the gas mask (who reminded me considerably of FT-HADES) quietly said, "I suppose this is what'll happen to us in the end too. 'Cause we're just--" and then he was cut off by the large marionette, who simply glared at him.

I couldn't bite my tongue much longer. I asked what he was about to say. The entire group, Yahoo included, looked right at me for a few quiet seconds.

Finally, when the tension was so strong that I felt like we, too, would all collapse into piles of cloth, Frank Slenderman sighed and told me two words that sounded unreal.

"We're sockpuppets."

I chuckled and asked what that even meant.

"We're.. we're just. We're fake people."

The gas mask man spoke up this time. "We like to think we can be so much more than that, but the truth is we're really just fakes. I'm not the Archangel, he's not the slender man, she's not the Wooden Girl, those guys over there aren't the Malkator and Crow. He's not ExorcistGamer, you're not even Doctor Cloud!"

This didn't even register as a sentence to me. I literally could not comprehend what he had just said. "Pardon? I'm what?"

Yahoo walked up to me, concern and sympathy on her face so strong it looked like mockery, and put a hand on my shoulder. "Buddy, you're not actually Doctor Cloud. You're a pile of very detailed cloth, a living mass of cloth held together by letters and numbers in the everlasting quilt of canon. The real Doctor Cloud is somewhere in your world right now, either dead or hiding from the antagonistic sockpuppets like Grey and EAT that are running amok."

I stumbled and fell onto the floor. For some reason, the only words I could bring out of my mouth were "He took my paperwork."

"It wasn't even yours in the first place, I'm afraid."

"But. But I remember my life. When did.. I...?"

"Your memories are just words in your head, and you're made of words."

"But. When did I get here? Where did it all go wrong?" I was crying now.

The redheaded girl from Rapture World said, "I have memories of living in sockpuppet world. I was an astronaut with GoogleBot. But then I woke up in the real world." I didn't understand the relevance.

Yahoo explained it for me. "The same happened to you. You were just.. a better-written sockpuppet, so you were able to adapt to your new environment. So hey, congrats on being one of the best damn sockpuppets I've ever seen!" She sounded inappropriately jolly at that, and held up a fist as a gesture of congratulation.

"I can't be just words. I can't."

"Words and cloth!"

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING! Who made me? Who made us?"

"Different people made our cloth, but one single person gave us the numbers and words to fit us into these worlds: A man known as DJay31," Frank Slenderman answered.

I now knew what my goal in life was, for I had given it meaning: My goal was to find this man, this "DJay31," and to give him a piece of my mind.

City (1)
THIS IS what THIS IS ME. I don't get it. HOW AM I LOOKING AT MYSELF, and he's in a purple scarf and stuff, WHAT IS GOING ON

City (2)
HELLO.
"Hi."
You look.. incredibly tired. Dark circles under your eyes and stuff.
"Kill me."
What, um. o___o; What happened?
"I got Nathan killed, and then I followed him into a Door, and then I had a chance to leave Metropolis but I thought I could find Nathan so I didn't leave and now I've been trapped here for almost a year."
..oh. Oh geez. I'm sorry.
"Kill me."
Salmacis, maybe we should...
"No. We're getting him out of here."
But. ..can I talk to you in private? <:D

City (3)
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE HIM WITH US BECAUSE THEN PEOPLE WILL GET ME CONFUSED WITH HIM AND PEOPLE WILL GIVE HIM LOVE AND STUFF AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON'T, I ALSO SUFFERED, Y'KNOW

City (4)
"Okay, Jordan. That is, purple Jordan. We've decided we will kill you!"
"Please do."
"Alright, killing my boyfriend. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
..I'm your boyfriend? ;W;
"What? No. Where'd you get that nonsense idea from? Shut up."

City (5)
Wow, it.. went really far. Even once he was dead, it kept stomping on him, kicking him, crushing his body parts, really.. going all out.
"You're my bitch, nothing further. Got it?"
..I'm sorry, I just swooned.
HOLY SHIT BOSS BOSS HE'S STILL ALIVE
WHAT THE FUCK
TENTACLES

City (6)
So. First of all, we're in a space-y city. Probably the Empty City of this world, except it looks really surreal. Every time I look at the surroundings, they change to a different street or building or urban environment.
Second, this thing is basically a very crushed version of me with a large tentacle rising out of the stump where the head used to be, and there are tentacles and strings coming out of the rest of the open wounds.
..it's growing new legs and arms entirely. Five legs. Eight arms.
Salmacis says this looks like a grotesquely-mutated Camper that happens to be able to levitate. Because yes, it's levitating.
SHOVEL, GIVE ME STRENGTH
god that sounded so stupid

City (7)
We're dodging its flowing tentacles and trying to hit it all we can.
Oh god I blinked and now we're inside a building bumping into chairs and afjdiadfs
SWIPE
HIT
WHACK
SMACK
DUCK
HIT
SMAAAAAAAAAASH
and such.

City (8)
It doesn't seem to be getting any easier to kill. When its tentacles are cut off, they just grow back, and any holes on the body just spawn even more tentacles!
..it just suddenly fell to the ground.
What.
..its scarf is suddenly red now.
"OH GOD I'M IN A NEW BODY NOW, THANK GOD"
......what?
"That girl is just. She is crazy. She's a little girl, for god's sake, she shouldn't be a pro with those weapons!"
..o____o What? Who are you?
He's panting. "I'm Grey." He extended a hand. "How's it going?"
....oh yeah, this guy.
Salmacis is grinning sadistically and folding her arms.
"..oh, fuck, how's it going, gorgeous? Listen, I learned my lesson, I promise I did."
"Uh-huh. You do know you're currently in a Camper body, right?"
"..I am? Well, hey, I didn't exactly choose this one; I just.. wanted the first body I could find."
Boss, he's really a Camper?
"Yes, from the looks of it. Probably of this world's EAT. And from the looks of it, this world's EAT didn't have any apocalyptic stresses to convince her to open up to humanity, so tell you what: We're just gonna leave you here, and you can fend for yourself! Bye!"
"WAIT WAIT PLEASE hahahahaha You wouldn't really do that, would you? C'mon, be a pal! We can work things out! I can tell you where the other guys went!"
..maybe we should listen, boss.
"Hm. ..alright. Explain."
"..............well, I didn't actually find out; they kinda just left me tied up with an insane little girl! WAIT WAIT DON'T GO But I know they were looking for the Supreme Hat! And the Slenderman guy said something about going into a Door without coming out the other side!"
Kinda.. like we are now? o__o
"Hrmmm. Alright, Grey. You can come with us, but be warned: Fuck up one time, and insert serious threat here! We could use a meat shield if we're going through the Empty City."

Slenderman: So now what do we do?
[the protagonists are walking from the concert venue back to the black void]
[The Wooden Girl sends her strings into Bones]
Bones: (monotone) We continue looking for the Supreme Hat. It's our only hope.
Yahoo: Pfft. "Only hope." You act like I'm not even here.
Bones: (monotone) You talk tough for someone who's not a robot.
Yahoo: ..I am too a robot! What are you talking about?
Exorcist: I must hand it to her, you're nothing like Bing.
Donnie: Or GoogleBot!
Archie: Come to think of it, I once saw Yahoo, and I'm pretty sure he was a lot more obviously a robot than you are.
Yahoo: So I'm a higher model. And I got an upgrade. An upgrade to said higher model.
Crow: Or Occam's Razor says you're not a robot at all.
Yahoo: Well, what does it matter what I am? I've been saving you guys, making things a lot easier.
Cloud: I thought life was much simpler before you showed up.
Yahoo: You also thought you were Doctor Cloud.
Cloud: ...oh, that's just cold.
Yahoo: Cold like a robot!
[Oh c'mon, I-330. You're not a robot. ....despite your robotic name.]
[the protagonists stop walking and stare at the camera]
Archie: Okay, I swear to me, the narration just directly spoke to us.
[Um... no, it didn't.]
[the protagonists look at each other]
Convocation: CAW CAW
Fentzy: You said it.
[they keep walking]
[The Wooden Girl releases Bones]
Bones: ...holy shit, I can see again!
Slenderman: Really?
Bones: No.

[a Door manifests in the black void]
Malkator: This Door should take us to the Genera World, right?
Cold: Hopefully.
[they go in and come out in the Empty City-- or rather, they don't come out at all]
[every time any one of them blinks, they wind up walking down a different street with a different number of doors here and there]
Slenderman: My aunt once had a summer home in a place like this.
Bones: Really?
Slenderman: No.

[after mere seconds, the entire party is split up and lost down constantly changing corridors]
[they become ten million light years away from each other, and further and further every second]
[some seconds, they're actually directly next to each other, other seconds they couldn't be further]
[they begin to see the true awe-inspiring power of the king genus locale, the Empty City, Metropolis Magnifique, the land over there]
Slenderman: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, quit fucking around, Empty City. We're trying to find the Supreme Hat.
[and then they are all gathered in a hallway with a single door at the other end]
[Jordan, Salmacis, and Grey (Camper) are transported here as well and are startled]
Archie: Sup.
Jordan: Uh. ..hi.
Malkator: What were you guys up to?
Salmacis: Oh, y'know. The usual.
Jordan: Wandering. More wandering.
Salmacis: Caving in the skull of an alternate universe form of Jordan only to then fight it as it sprouts tentacles and levitates and then suddenly becomes this asshat over here.
Jordan: The.. the usual.
Cloud: I found out I wasn't real.
Grey: Small world.
Jordan: Am I real?
[Yahoo pets Jordan on the head]
Yahoo: Yes. You, Rauri, Derek, and Salmacis are all real.
[Salmacis pets Jordan on the head harder]
Salmacis: And she's a bitch.
[Yahoo pets him even harder]
Yahoo: Well, her crotch smells like fish.
Salmacis: HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW
Yahoo: I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE
Grey: Actually, that's just me.
[everyone stares at Grey]
Grey: It's the.. it's the tentacles.
[awkward pause]
[Salmacis pets Jordan on the head twice]
Salmacis: I win.
[they go up to the door and knock on it]
?: GO AWAY
Bones: oh okay
[Bones turns and begins walking the other way; Fentzy grabs him]
Slenderman: Uh.. Supreme Hat? It's Frank Slenderman. Your attorney? I'm here with your plumber, Archie Angelo.
?: OH ALRIGHT, LET ME GET THE DOOR
[pause; characters slowly look at The Archangel]
Fentzy: .."Archie Ang--"
Archie: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, THAT'S WHAT
[the door is unlocked and they all step inside]

(Doctor Cloud)

As soon as we entered the chamber, we were struck with a strong scent of scalp. It's a strange smell, not one I would consider particularly pleasant. The chamber, itself, looked to be a humongous vista of clouds. I could see trees far down below, but to get there, we had to descend an enormous set of stairs. Outdoor stairs. I suppose we were on top of some sort of Door-holding temple. Of sorts.

The descent took several minutes. Clouds turned to trees, which turned out to be much taller trees than we had imagined. The trees turned to shrubbery and fungi, and eventually we were below a canopy of majesty, with sunlight shining through cracks in the ferns above. Down here, we were in a clearing of epic magnitude, and we were standing face-to-face with the fabled Supreme Hat.

Its shape reminded me of mafia hats in books I once skimmed. Purple and orange seemed the dominant colour scheme, the bulk of the hat being purple and it having an orange stripe with what looked like leopard print. A blue feather emerged from the cap. The Supreme Hat, though, unlike most hats I am aware of, towered over us at least fifteen times. It was a hat for gods.

(Jordan Dooling)

Its voice, however, sounded more like Samuel L. Jackson when he was pissed. All the time.

(Slenderman)

Hat: WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT
Slenderman: Oh great Supreme Hat, we have come seeking your advice on th--
Hat: WE DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING BIBLE PAMPHLETS
Slenderman: ..on the, um. On the end of the world.
Jordan: Of all worlds!
Hat: FUCKING FUCKERY, THAT'S WHAT IT IS, I TELL YOU WHAT, WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY I SEE HERE BEFORE ME HERE TODAY, THAT MAN IS WEARING AN APALLING DISGRACE IN MY PRESENCE
[Jordan quickly takes off his hat]
Hat: END OF ALL WORLDS, YOU SAY? I DO RECALL SOMETHING OF THE SORT IN ONE OF MY DREAMS
Archie: Hey, man, we don't want to know about your dreams of banging some lady hat.
Hat: I LIKE YOUR STYLE, GAS MASK. Y'KNOW, YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE
Archie: Aren't I older than you?
Hat: END OF ALL WORLDS, YOU SAY?
Grey: Oh for the love of--
[the Supreme Hat glares at Grey; he explodes]
[pause]
[The Cold Boy contorts and screams, then his eyes glow red]
Grey: Asshole.
[Grey/The Cold Boy explodes]
[the protagonists look at each other]
[Bones screams and contorts]
Jordan: NO, DON'T TAKE BONES!
Grey: .....DAMMIT, HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE EYES, FUCK THIS
[Bones stops screaming; Donnie starts]
Jordan: DONNIE!
[Donnie's eyes glow red]
Grey: *chuckle* I'm such a dick.
Hat: ARE YOU QUITE DONE?
Grey: Yeah, sure.
Hat: ANYWAY. YES, THE WORLDS ARE FUCKING ENDING. DID YOU NOT NOTICE FROM THE FACT THAT THERE ARE CURRENTLY A COUPLE DOZEN SOCKPUPPETS RUNNING AMOK?
Slenderman: Yes, that had tipped us off. But we were wondering if there was anything we could do to stop it.
Hat: STOP RUNNING AMOK, FIRST OF ALL
[the protagonists look at each other]
Slenderman: ..we're not running.
Hat: ALSO, THE ROBOTS. KILL THEM ALL.
[Grey kicks Yahoo]
[Yahoo punches Grey hard enough to make him say "ow"]
Yahoo: I'm not a robot.
[the protagonists gasp]
Archie: *points accusing finger* I KNEW IT
Yahoo: I'm I-330. I'm not really anything. Just a time traveler.
Jordan: Oh god, that explains a lot.
330: I snook into this story because I knew there were explosions and dramatic eldritch abominations and stuff to come, and I couldn't resist the chance to be here for the party. So I killed Yahoo and took his place. I honestly didn't expect you guys to believe me for so long.
Archie: (smugly) I knew it all along.
330: I will kick you squarely in the balls, Archie Angelo.
Archie: Good luck; I'm behind seven proxies! *runs off*
Hat: YES, SO THIS TIME TRAVELER HAS BEEN DOING THE RIGHT THING FROM THE START. THE REST OF YOU ARE DUMBASSES.
[the Supreme Hat looks at Doctor Cloud]
Hat: DOCTOR CLOUD, YOU NEVER REALLY NEEDED TO DO YOUR PAPERWORK BECAUSE THE REAL SCIENCE WAS INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG.
[the Supreme Hat looks at Jordan]
Hat: JORDAN DOOLING, YOU WANTED LOVE SO BADLY, WELL IT TURNS OUT THE REAL LOVE IS INSIDE YOU. BECAUSE SALMACIS FUCKS YOU UP THE ASS. IT WAS A PUN. YOU CAN FUCKING LAUGH.
[the Supreme Hat looks at Slenderman]
Hat: FRANK SLENDERMAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE DOING, SO THIS IS KINDA HARD TO COME UP WITH ADVICE. ....UH.. LOSE SOME WEIGHT!
[the Supreme Hat shoots confetti up into the air]
Hat: HOORAY, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE

END OF CHAPTER 5

The walk back up the stairs exhausted us. I recalled the blonde boy's comment regarding the Genera needing bikes, and I found myself wondering if there could be an invention of bike that could ascend stairs. I spent an unnecessarily long time pondering on the specifics of how one would work. The others just spoke with each other about subjects such as Frank Slenderman's big belly and wondering where Archie Angelo had run off to. When I was done thinking of my stair-bikes, my mind turned again to this DJay31 figure. He was the reason I had to live through these atrocities. I didn't even have to exist; my entire one-day existence so far has been nothing but incomprehensible confusion and an awful lot of collapsing.

The Door at the top of the stairs led us to another purple ethereal chamber, where the blind boy stared the faces down and a white light-door manifested. Through this one, a post-apocalyptic quiet town, possibly somewhere in America, awaited us.

We spent a while discussing what we were doing and settled on doing as the Supreme Hat had said: Destroy the robots. The time-traveling lady with the robotic name claimed she had already destroyed Yahoo, and that was in the third world. So our goals were Bing in my world and the robot in this post-apocalyptic one. The blonde boy sadly remarked that, had Grey not taken over the redhead girl's body, she would have known where the robot was. I don't think it'd be farfetched to say none of us particularly liked Grey, and we liked even less that we couldn't kill him.

Salmacis yelled at Grey, "Y'know, when I take over a human's body, their knowledge enters my mind. What's your fucking excuse?" I thought she had made a brilliant point.

Grey simply snickered and held his arms out in a careless gesture. "I don't care about knowledge, babe. I just want to watch the world burn. But hey, nothing you can do about it; I'm here to stay, so you'd better learn to deal with it."

At this, Salmacis seemed to get an idea that lit up her face. She wouldn't share it, only replied with "Alright. I'll learn to deal with it."

Once all our arguments were out of the way, we put our shoulders to the plough, so to speak. We took a look throughout the town, shouting the name of the robot for whom we were searching: GoogleBot. It took us a few hours, but we eventually found it in a radio station a few towns over. A rather goofy-looking figure, that thing; it was short, with a silly face of lights and buttons and stubby robotic limbs.

"BEEP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOP BOOP, HELL-LOW." Its voice sounded like a lamb put through a cheese grater, and its beeps sounded forced. "I WAS JUST  ENJOYING THE LAST SEASON OF BREAKING BAD TO HAVE COME OUT IN THIS WORLD. WATCHING NETFLIX IS boop THE ONLY THING MY VIDEO DRIVERS CAN FUCKING HANDLE, APPARENTLY."

Our time-traveling colleague took natural control here. "GoogleBot, we have come to terminate you." She stood with her legs spread and her arms folded, a look of stern authority on her face that made GoogleBot beep twice as much.

"BUT I BEEP BOOP LIKE LIVING, BEEP AND I NEVER ONCE BEEPED ANOTHER BOOP." There was a distinct hint of sadness in his grating voice.

"Sorry, buddy. If it makes you feel any better, you can convert to Robotology before your termination so you can be guaranteed a spot in Robot Heaven."

The blonde boy spoke up. "Um.. before we do this, do you think you could record Mad Men for us?"

GoogleBot ejected a videotape cassette from his mouth and then said, "BEEP." I assumed this was some sort of global robot code meaning "Yes." Maybe.

We then sat through a whole Robotology conversion ceremony, finishing with the time-traveler stabbing directly through GoogleBot's body with her knife. He shut down after a series of beeps, and then we began our search for another Door.

7:20 PM, Rapture Time
I've got the tape! :D Gotta make sure not to fall on my right side.

7:44 PM
Oh hey a Door. Take us away, Bones!

1:11 AM, Third World Time
This is that quiet seaside town, the quaint place.
There are no robots in this world, right? Yahoo was this world's robot, and I-330 destroyed that one already. So we just have to look for another--
WAIT MALKATOR CAN TAKE US FROM WORLD TO WORLD WITHOUT NEEDING A DOOR. >_____>
"OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT"
"No, wait, don't go!" what

5:52 PM, Genera Time
DAMMIT, MALKATOR
"What? One minute, you're saying you want me to take us to another world, the next you're getting mad at me for it!"
..sorry. I just. Someone didn't want us to leave, and I didn't even get to see who it was.
"We'll go back sometime." Good point, Fentzy. I suppose we will, won't we?
Right, what were we doing? There's a robot here?
"Bing." Bong! Right. Where do we look? This is a rather average-looking city. I don't even know where we GIANT TRUCK MONSTER OH JESUS
WHAT? THAT'S BONG BING?
HOW THE HELL DO WE DESTROY A GIANT TRUCK MONSTER?
"BEEP YOU ARE TRYING BOOP TO DESTROY ME?"
IT'S A LONG STORY

6:00 PM
We've been explaining the whole thing to Bing. He seems really understanding about it.
"BEEP. YES, THIS SOUNDS VERY MUCH LIKE THE SUPREME HAT'S OLDER PROPHECIES WENT. THERE WERE -whirrrrrr- TALES OF A VERY EXCITING ADVENTURE TOLD IN EIGHT PARTS, INVOLVING MULTIPLE WORLDS AND A MULTI-UNIVERSAL MENACE WITH MANY FACES. AND THAT BOY THERE, HIS HAT LOOKS LIKE THE TRILBY FORETOLD."
Another set of prophecies involving a trilby? This is Rapture all over agI REMEMBER THE PROPHECIES SAID "RAPTURE IS COMING," COULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT THAT
"FALSE ALARM, boop. TURNS OUT THAT PART OF THE BEEP PROPHECY HAS ALREADY HAPPENED."
Oh. Oh, so these prophecies are all related to Rapture.
"THERE IS A GREATER ADVENTURE BEING TOLD. ..BEEP."
Is there a greater threat than what we've already dealt with? Is this.. multi-universal menace EAT?
"IT INFECTS ALL WORLDS IN THE END. IT KNOWS HOW TO BREAK THROUGH THE FOURTH BARRIERS, HOW TO SEEP THROUGH USING A DIMENSION MOST CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND. BOOP."
How much of these prophecies do you know, Bing? We spoke to the Supreme Hat and he didn't mention anything about these. He just kinda yelled a lot.
"I KNOW BITS AND PIECES, WHIRRRR. I KNOW THE THIRD WORLD HELD THE ORIGINAL THREAT, THE BEING THAT BECAME EAT. THIS WORLD IS WHERE THIS CREATURE INFECTED FIRST, THROUGH HOLES IN THIS WORLD'S TRILBY'S NARRATIVE. THE CREATURE GREW AND GREW INTO SOMETHING WITH GREATER HUNGER. YOUR WORLD CAME INTO PLAY AS THE X FACTOR IN IT ALL."
Again with the X factors. And what was that about "holes in this world's trilby's narrative?"
"IT IS A DIMENSION YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND. I CAN ONLY GRASP SHREDS OF IT, AND I HAVE SPENT MY ENTIRE SHELF LIFE PHILOSOPHIZING OVER THE MATTER."
The others are getting antsy. Can we cut to the chase?
"DESTROYING ME WILL ONLY TAKE CARE OF ONE PROBLEM. IT MUST STILL BE DONE, BUT BARE IN MIND THIS ADVENTURE OF YOURS IS NOT OVER. IN THE THIRD WORLD, TIME HAS GIVEN WAY TO ENTROPY IN THE NARRATIVE. IF YOU OPEN YOUR MIND TO HIGHER DIMENSIONS, YOU CAN SEE THROUGH THE ENTROPY TO THE PROPHECIES PROPER. BEEP."
But what will destroying you do?
"YAHOO, GOOGLEBOT, AND BING. WE ARE THE THREE RECEIVER SIGNALS. WE OPENED THE DRYER HOLE AND THE SOCKS TUMBLED OUT. IF YOU DESTROY US, THE HOLE WILL CLOSE AGAIN. THE SOCKS WILL HAVE TO RETURN TO THEIR WORLD BEFORE IT CLOSES PROPERLY. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO BEEP PREVENT FURTHER SCREW-UPS."
How long will we have?
"APPROXIMATELY ONE CHAPTER AND A HALF."
..what?
"Don't worry about that. You'll just have to hurry."
Well. ...okay! Does anyone have any objections to this?
Not really? Okay. Take us away, I-330!

Slenderman: Aaaaaand break!

[cut to Rapture World, the protagonists drop off Jordan, Salmacis, Fentzy, and Bones]
Jordan: So this is it? This is "Goodbye?"
330: In a sense! Goodbye!
Fentzy: Hang on! What about that sockpuppet EAT? How are you gonna get that back to its world?
Convocation: CAW CAW
Crow: We're thinking that one through.
330: I have a couple ideas, myself.
Salmacis: Go on, go do your ideas! Go away now!
330: Pfft, someone's got a grudge.
Salmacis: I haven't. You've just overstayed your welcome.
330: Alright. I'll let you have your grudge.
Salmacis: I do not have a grudge!
330: Bye, Grudge Lady.
[the socks and I-330 disappear]
Salmacis: ...what a bitch.
[..then they hear Robohound growling]

[cut to DCA World, the quaint little seaside village]
Archie: Oh hey, this place.
Slenderman: Where did you come from?
Archie: ..y'know, I'm not really all that sure.
[Fuck it, I can't stay hidden any longer.]
[the protagonists look at the camera]
[Yes, that's right, the narrator just talked. Hello. I'm the narrator.]
Slenderman: ..hello!
[You guys are taking a really long time to get things done, I'm sorry, I'm getting impatient here.]
Grey: Hey, go cry me a river
[Grey suddenly just dies.]
Malkator: Hey, you can't just kill off
[Malkator suddenly dies.]
[Now shut up and listen. We should have had this talk, like, two chapters ago.]
Archie: FOURTH WALL! YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
[Yes, Archie. What the hell did you think those "higher dimensions" were that Bing was talking about? He was referring to the meta elements. And now that you're in DCA World, I can be much more open about things like that.]
330: Of course. DCA was your most meta story.
[Yep, and it also had the most plot holes, which is how EAT got in and how you got in.]
?: But this story wasn't supposed to be about all that, was it?
[Ah, here's two characters you've been hearing frequently. The owners of those disembodied voices, they're Shade and Shadow, a grey Dark/Swim chao and a green Dark/Run chao, respectively. ..for the sake of giving arbitrary descriptions. Look, just roll with it.]
Shade: Deej, what even is going on anymore?
Shadow: Yeah, you said you'd leave DCA alone. You said the show was over.
[It was. It is.]
Shade: Well, we were dead.
[You are.]
Shadow: Then what are we doing alive?
Archie: He's got you there, buddy.
[...FINE, SO I'M NOT ACTUALLY DJAY32. I'M DJAY31. YOU GOT ME.]
[everyone gasps]
Cloud: YOU BASTARD!
[I'm trying to destroy everything! Mwahahahahaaaa!]
330: You are not cut out to do evil laughs.
[SHUT UP]
330: No, I'm gonna keep talking. And there's nothing you can do about it because-- guess what-- I'm not your character!
[I-330 dies!]
330: Nope.
[...GODDAMMIT. Well, you still can't beat me! I'm writing this freakshow, and you should all just sit back and enjoy the ride!]

[the protagonists manifest in the Camper Festival theater of music and Camper and shit]
[AND THEY GET CHASED BY EVERY VAMPIRE CAMPER EVER]
Slenderman: Whoa nelly!
Shade: Two can play at the "bending the script" game!
[AVATAR: THE LAST SCRIPTBENDER]
[Shade bends the script, the Camper all disappear]
[...]
[THE CAMPER ALL COME BACK]
[Shadow bends the script, the Camper all disappear]
[THE CAMPER ALL COME BACK AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH A GIANT... CHAIR DEMON]
Chair Demon: ROAR
Protagonists: OH FUCK
[The Wooden Girl raises her arms]
[THEY FALL OFF]
[The Wooden Girl stands there awkwardly]
Archie: Screw this, man! I'm calling my lawyer! ...FRANK!
Slenderman: What?
Archie: Sue this guy!
Slenderman: For what?
Archie: Stealing a story.

[CUT TO A COURTROOM]
[IN THE DEFENDANT'S CHAIR IS DJAY31, literally just the text "DJay31" floating there]
[THE GAVEL BANGS, IT IS THE CONVOCATION IN A JUDGE WIG]
Slenderman: Convocation, I didn't know you were a legal judge.
Convocation: CAW CAW CAW
DJay31: FUCK YOU, where's my lawyer?
[HIS DEFENSE ATTORNEY IS ARCHIE ANGELO]
Archie: God, you guys just refuse to shut up about my name now that you know it, don't you?
DJay31: You're a lawyer?
Archie: Eh, it's a living.
Slenderman: I thought you were a plumber.
Archie: In my spare time, yeah.
[The Convocation bangs his gavel]
Convocation: CAW CAW
Slenderman: Yes, Your Honor. So, what we have here today is some guy who wanted to hijack not just one, not just two, but three entire stories with his own insane sockpuppets! What we have here, Your Honor, is
[DRAMATIC CLOSE-UP OF FRANK'S FACELESS HEAD]
Slenderman: A gamejacker.
[the audience gasps]
Convocation: CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW Klopman's Diamond CAW CAW CAW
Archie: Eh, sure. So, uh.. Frank says DJay31's a gamejacker and shit, but we're not, like, playing a game.
Slenderman: OBJECTION!!! Your Honor, this is just semantics!
Convocation: OVERRULED CAW CAW
Archie: As I was saying, so he can't, like, be a gamejacker or whatever if we're not playing a game, y'know?
Slenderman: But the term "gamejacker" has grown to refer to more than just games!
Archie: Like, OBJECTION, and stuff!!! Mister Slenderman, you do realize we're in a DJay32 story, right?
Slenderman: I thought this was a DJay31 story.
Archie: So exact-- oh yeah, that's right. Fuck.
Slenderman: Yes, and furthermore, your argument was going to be how, in a DJay story, exact definitions matter. Correct?
Archie: I mean. Yeah. Why?
Slenderman: Well, that's where I've got a bit of news for you. DJay stories have evolved since this story was first written. Definitions are now a lot more nebulous.
DJay31: Oh come on, what does that even matter? This story is from a time when definitions did matter!
Slenderman: That's where you're wrong, or both right and wrong rather! We're not actually in the original story. We're in a rewrite.
DJay31: We're what?!
Slenderman: Well, more an edit of the original to make it a lot less stupid and update some inter-story consistency stuff.
Convocation: CAW CAW
Slenderman: To make this simpler, I'll revise my thesis. Your Honor, DJay31 is not a gamejacker. Just a plain old committer of plagiarism.
DJay31: Fucking thanks, Archie.
Archie: Oh hey, you're totally welcome!
DJay31: I was being sarcastic.
Archie: Oh.
Convocation: CAW CAW
Slenderman: I call DJay32, himself, to the stand!
[the audience gasps]
Convocation: CAW CAW CAW

[at the stand is DJay32, himself. He's older, got a bit of a beard going on, needs a shave, and has ditched his trilby.]
DJay32: Wait, am I "Ulysses" Jordan or OOG Jordan? Or OOG-but-meta Jordan? Or Troper Jordan? Or Admin Jordan, or Archangard & Magreat meta Jordan, or book-writer Jordan, or--
[You're "Ulysses."]
DJay32: Pre-Season Eight? Post-Season Eight? Post-Season Nine?
[Post-Season Nine.]
[The Convocation bangs his gavel]
Convocation: CAW CAW
DJay32: I'm Jordan Dooling. I'm the writer of Dark Chao Adventures (among many other things), and I'm twenty-one.
Slenderman: DCA is the location of the third world, for clarification. Which is where we are.
Convocation: CAW CAW CAW

"WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS GOING ON"
DJay32: I'm really confused. I think we're doing a Phoenix Wright parody here, but I also think we might simply be exhibiting the entropy of a DJay31 story. Which reminds me, I'm the writer of DCA, not him. So by taking over my script and bringing it back from the dead, he's kinda being a dick.

DJay31: OBJECTION!!! YOU LIE
DJay32: No, YOU LIE
DJay31: DAMN, he's good!
Slenderman: Wait. If DJay32 is there, and DJay31 is there, who's.. who's the narrator now?

[the camera turns around to show Sally Magreat at her computer. I wave, then resume typing]

[the camera zooms out now to reveal even I am just content on a webpage. I get nervous and force the camera back to the action.]

Convocation: CAW CAW
Archie: Yeah, I'm pretty lost too. I mean, I gotta be pretty honest here, this asshole is pretty obviously guilty.
DJay31: HEY
Archie: Yeah, kind of an open-and-shut case, if you ask me.
Convocation: Caw caw?
Slenderman: No objections here.
[The Convocation clears his throat and bangs his gavel]
DJay31: Aw fuck, here it comes.
Convocation: CAW CAW I'M A BIRD MOTHERFUCKER
DJay31: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Insert cryptic numbers here, eight and five and shit.

END OF CHAPTER 6

Shortly after that bizarre train of events, I watched in smugness as DJay31 was shipped off to jail

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Is this thing on? Hello. DJay32 here. The, uh. The super duper OOG meta flesh-and-blood one? Circa November 8th, 2016. I've gone back and "fixed" this story so it's a lot less cringe-inducing. You could say it's for Sally's benefit. Sally Magreat, I mean. She's working on the sequel and, if I'm gonna be associated with that, I'm gonna have to step up my game. Plus I do think this story can be really funny and even a little interesting!

"Wait, does Sally actually exist? I thought she was a meta character made up for" Let's not get into that right now!

The point is that I've learned my lesson in terms of meta storytelling. I learned it back with DCA: Meta is best left in incredibly subtle hints. It's.. really hard to write a good meta story with such a diverse cast spread out among three separate universes. So I'm not even gonna try to wrap up this one.

..or rather, I am. I'll throw the sockpuppets back into their world, even Robohound. I'll spoil you of everything that was gonna happen:

Salmacis was gonna have a Camper torture Grey for all eternity, never letting him die.

The Rapture characters were gonna stumble into the wrong universe at the last minute and realize that, with the closing of the sock hole, Doors no longer take them between worlds. There would have been a cliffhanger saying "COMING SOON, THE SEQUEL." And stuff.

(Okay, that was only one planned ending. Another planned ending was I-330 taking the Rapture characters with her on some spectacular crossover adventure. Cliffhanger thing.)

Shade and Shadow were gonna get to rest in peace again, this time in probably some kinda Maximum Security Prison except for dead people so weirdoes like myself DJay31 can't just bring them back again. And so that DCA can stay dead. ...circa Season Eight. Alright look, so this PLAN 31 "took place" after Rapture, before Genera, and before the end of DCA's Season Eight. Like, each universe has its own... time.... thing. It'll make sense, I'm getting to that.

ExorcistGamer was gonna be revealed to not actually be a sockpuppet because he really isn't, that's just a joke.

Sockpuppet world was gonna be revealed to just be the exact same as the other worlds but just everything is secretly made of wool or some shit.

So there. Story's over. It ended before the above endings could actually happen. Canonically, this story has been wiped. Like, this story happened, but it also didn't happen. It happened up until the point of this post, whereupon all characters have been sent back to their initial conditions with no memory of this story.

Besides, most of the story had already happened. DJay31 just wanted to stretch it out to eight chapters because it also would have meant 32 posts and that's a really nice coincidence. So it's not like you're really missing anything. The jokes had all been made. And I can't be bothered to just "edit" in more of the story, because actually this meta ending feels really satisfying to me?

Anyway. That all being said.

Show's over! Go home! Go on, back to your blogs, back to your realism, back to your sock-free safe worlds! And forget about this strange anecdote in the quilt of canon, at least until you begin reading the sequel.

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